Kenya Elections: The Rumblings of Chagua Chako in Nairobi
Shebeesh has just abused University students in a debate and all students who were supporting TNA have vowed to vote for RAO. Sonko and Waititu are at war in Nairobi after Sonko decamped to Waititu’s enemy camp. Uhuru tried to mend the fence through a press conference but it is not working. The problem is that both Sonko and Shebeesh have secretly accused Waititu of carting away Ksh 18 million given to him by Uhuru for campaign.
The three were supposed to share the loot at Ksh 6 million each but instead, Waititu short-changed his colleagues. Both Sonko and Shebeesh have been retiring to the same flat after campaigns and according to Waititu, they deserved Ksh 6 million because they had allegedly become a couple. When Sonko and Shebeesh refused the offer, Waititu is said to have told them to go and serve in hell, not in Nairobi. This is the cash Waititu has been dishing to his friends.
In the meantime, TNA has changed name to Tuonane Netherlands August. Uhuru is disappointed. The elders in RV are asking who took their sons to The Hague after the Sang revelations. The elders are having a crisis meeting and the only item on the agenda is withdrawing Kalenjin support for Jubilee. This will be good for Cord.
According to some jokes, Uhuru Kenyatta is drafting his “conceding defeat” speech after losing Rift Valley through Joshua Sang. Muhoho has apparently convinced him that Raila is a good guy and that if he talks to him, RAO can help him with his Hague problems so he doesn’t really need to win the Presidency. Uhuru apparently now believes that milking cows at the family’s Brookside farms is better than the Hague project but he will have to talk to RAO for a good deal.
All corrupt elements mentioned in past corruption scandals: anglo-leasing, helicopter scandal; to triton and cemetery have fled the country after rumours went round that they are being sought by police. One of them (a PS) was arrested although he is out on bond.
Forces that used to prevent the police from arresting the corrupt are splitting up after intelligence leakages that RAO is the next president. The current arrests are designed to prepare the way for RAO and, according to a source, enable police chief to tell RAO next week that he started the work as soon as he learnt that RAO is his next boss. Nyachae has apologized to the Kisii for endorsing Uhuru after recalling the endorsement and transferring it to RAO. The Luhyas have agreed that a vote for Mudavadi will be a wasted vote. All the Ingohos and sikuma from Kakamega are sold at Kisumu and a vote for Cord will help in further cording the trade relationship between Nyanza and Western provinces.
In the campaign trail, Ruto stopped wearing Jubilee colours and is now wearing URP colours. Some people who never read the bible want to know what the biblical Joshua did after Sang let the cat out of the bag. Some Evangelists have been asked for direction at the All Saints Cathedral.
Eti Martha Karua eventually found a mate who will work under her, before, during and after elections. The man is said to be energetic. Speaking at a campaign rally in Kario-Bangi, Karua’s mate warned against the bribing of male voters with Viagra as this, he said, would prevent them from rising up on Monday morning to go to the polling stations. “Do not bribe voters with Viagra. We want free and fair erections”, he is reported to have said amid laughter and chants of toboa!.
Truth be told, and prejudice aside, one good thing about Uhuru Kenyatta is that he is just too inspirational. After he escaped with 7 billion Kenyan shillings in computer error, and with his family owning 30.000 acres of land in Taita Taveta alone (4get about the rest of the country), he has strongly inspired millions of Kenyans to vote for Raila Odinga.
Chagua Chako in Nairobi