Kenya-Stockholm’s Survival Manual in the Underground World

No one is interested in your success in Kenya-Stockholm

There is a sizable number of paperless Kenya-Stockholmers who arrived in Stockholm in the recent past to seek for greener pastures. Unfortunately, these Kenyans are totally ignorant about some of the basic rules of life in the underground. What is shocking is that despite their vulnerability, they are disunited, detached and even “sell one another” by providing police with information about addresses. There is every nationality whose members are in the underground but the case of Kenyans requires an intervention because of the huge ignorance about how to go about stuff. KSB has decided to help by compiling a basic manual that could help them survive in the process of looking for them Mapepez.

1. If you are in the underground aka chini ya maji, operate incognito by assuming an alias. Don’t let strangers know who you are because the Swedes pay Ksh 70.000 to anybody who provides information leading to a successful arrest and deportation of anybody paperless. Try to find a good camouflage in terms of your mission in Sweden.

2. Be suspicious of people trying to dig into who you are, when you came to Sweden, what you are doing here and other personal details. For example, if someone knows that you are related to Mr. X and that you just arrived, the intelligence you give away is that you are on a tourist visa which will expire in three months. If you are around after three months, then you are already chini ya maji and you can be sold for Ksh 70k. If your host is known, selling you is only an address away.

3. There is a strong motivation for Swedish police to deport Kenyans because with such deportations, they get a two week paid holiday to watch wild animals in the Kenyan jungle. The police are lining up to get fresh deportees so you are always on the wanted list.

4. Try to limit your circle of friends. Don’t arrive in Stockholm and begin to paint the town red because if you do so, you will become the talk of town and this will not be healthy for your status. In short, avoid being kimbelembele wa mtaa.

5. Do not move around without a valid travel ticket. Possibly, buy a monthly card so that you eliminate the risk of being nabbed in the train by ticket attendants who are always quick to call police at the slightest suspicion. The ticket attendants cannot arrest you but they have the power to restrain you before police arrives.

6. For heaven’s sake, avoid pubs especially if you do not look old enough. By the way, you might be 25 but security guards may have no sense of age (if you are African) and might think that you are underage. Although you may think that you are “above age”, you might as well pass for under 18 and you will be asked for your ID. If you cannot produce one, police might be called and it will be the end of your search for greener pastures. Underage white Swedes are normally denied entry but for niggers, you might be detained for further investigations so mark my word. In the same token, avoid buying alcoholic drinks at the System Bolaget. You could be looking too young for that kind of business and if you cannot produce an ID, Security personnel may call police to check you out and if this happens, you will be done. Don’t even accompany a friend to the store because staff might think that the friend is buying you beer and this is illegal in Sweden.

7. When you are in an environment where there is violence, quietly, sneak out and head home. If you wait for police to arrive, you might be asked for your ID, just like everybody else. If you have non, be sure that you will be taken to the station for further investigations and that will be the end of the game.

8. Dress smartly and (if possible) expensively. This will make you look like a working class immigrant, not some chokora lazing around in town trying to shop lift. If possible, don a bling to confuse people that you are some stylish Amerianized youth in town. Swedes like America and if you are a male, you might even land a chick to confuse simply because you look American!

9. In Stockholm, avoid meeting people at the Central station (especially at Sergels Torg). This is a point well known for drug business and it is always under surveillance. You can be mistaken for another peddler waiting for a customer and asked for your ID. You might also resemble another peddler (look-alike) and get stopped. It could be the end of the game.

10. If you get a job using whatever trick, join the Syndicalist Union which fights for the rights of undocumented workers in Sweden. They will guarantee your privacy and will protect you in case you cannot be paid by your employer who may just be exploiting you. The Syndicalists are known for fighting for paperless workers to be allowed to stay and so it is a good place to stay.

11. Understand that Kenya-Stockholmers (just like all communities) are a gossiping lot so avoid drama. Some Kenyans who just arrived recently have a high profile on the gossiping networks and this is risky because it exposes your ID for anybody to sell you. If you are a woman, be patient with Kenyan men because your goods might end up being consumed with the promise of Mapepe until your holy shrine of a hole begins to shrink. Utahanywa mpaka you will begin to think that Kenya-Stockholm men are the roots of all evil.

12. The best way to make enemies in Kenya-Stockholm is to criticize those who have cleared many calendars in Sweden. Here, we have Kenyans who have been very successful but we also have our share of failures. In every market, there is a mad man or woman. Stop talking about what they could have done in the last 20 or so years because they will always dismiss you as you make enemies. “This one needs to make Mapepe before he/she can talk” kind of observations are likely to meet your criticisms so relax. Without papers in Kenya-Stockholm, you are voiceless so live with it!

13. If you must seek asylum in Sweden, understand that Kenyan asylum seekers are not being allowed to stay (unless you are Raila Odinga) and that by seeking asylum, you are just buying time. If you must seek asylum, don’t say you are gay because your ass will be examined by a doctor and if it is not wide enough, you will be in trouble. Don’t claim that you are Mungiki either because you will be told that many Mungikis are living in Kenya without problems. Some girls claim that they have fled from circumcision. This is crap. Worse still, don’t say that you are facing persecution because we have a Coalition government and a new Constitution. Remember Raila said that a loaf of bread is better than nothing so you will be told to go and eat that half loaf with the son of Odinga the great.

14. For heaven’s sake, just forget about the Kenyan embassy in Stockholm. The Ambassador doesn’t care about you because she is busy with the Swedes. She doesn’t even care about Kenyans with papers so you are not on the list of her immediate priorities. For her, you are like a cockroach so get to know your place in the eyes of Ambassador Purity Muhindi.

15. Avoid Kenyan Parties because this is where you will arouse curiosity. You are gaining nothing by meeting Kenyans because they will never help you with your Mapepe problems unless you are related by blood.  Remember that no one is interested in your success here because it is a man eat man society. Kenyans are more interested in reading KSB to learn that you are facing deportation after being nabbed in the train station. They will then wonder “how stupid you are” to have been commuting without a valid ticket when you are paperless. In fact, they will even blame your host for failing to advice you properly. Sadly, this is how we live after being dehumanized by the system. No sympathy for silly mistakes!

16. Lay a strategy for your Mapepe hunting.  You may have been told to try and get married. Don’t go looking for a Kenyan to marry because doing so is like looking for water by knocking a stone. In the worst case scenario, look for a church to join then begin building a  network of Swedish friends. Many Swedes may be ready to help you out but they will never come for you. You have to go for them where they are. As a nigger, they will be proud to show you off because you will be the living example that they are fighting against racism in Sweden. You could be invited for dinners and other events where you might make more and better contacts and land something for your mapepe project.

17. Never involve yourself in a fight. Try to be humble. If you knock someone’s tooth (you might have been a boxer in Kenya), the Swedes will be very interested in catching you so that you can pay dearly. If they catch you, you will be a very good candidate for deportation because you have started committing crimes even before you have your Mapepe.

18. By the way, learn some Swedish. In some critical situations involving the police, you might escape by being able to speak some Swedish. Get to know a friend’s personal number and address which you can spit in cases of emergencies. It might save you. If you have no valid ID on you but you can utter some personal number and connect it to some basic facts about the person you are impersonating, you might sail through especially if you have not committed any crime.

19. If you are a man and you ever land a Swedish woman, forget about your Kenyan style of being the boss because if you apply that principle, the relationship will be over in a matter of days. Play the equality card but make sure you hanya the project properly until she is unable to do without your talala. You will know it because she will tell you. If you are a woman, make the man feel like a King, try to understand what he is missing and give it to him. You can interview him about his past relationships and get to know his kind of needs then deliver. You will soon have your mapepe because the guy will be ready to follow you to Kenya to fix them papers.

20. Lastly, respect your host. You might disagree on many issues but he/she brought you here. Get your papers then raise the issues. Remember that you are never independent in Sweden without them Mapepez even if you have a job. Your host can mess you up in a moment of rage. If you don’t care about being deported, violate the rules. If you need further help, ask da consultantsa at KSB. Have a nice Mapepe hunting and good luck!

Okoth Osewe

30 comments

  • hahahahaha..mapepe hunting project..its surely a project

    KSB: Yep, if it aint a Project then u aint serious!

  • Nice read Bwana Osewe, mwenye ana macho/maskio asome/askie. Don’t say you were never told. I know a couple of people who have narrowly escaped deportation just by following some of these simple tactics. I dont know if you saw a comment by one Camilla Tes on the deported woman’s saga, here it is:

    “Very unfortunate for this girl,but i would like to put it like this that in every country there are rules and regulation that govern it.This is a girl who is either ignorant off small impotant things or is just mis-adviced that its jut better to cheat on the system and get away with it.I like africans but you guys are slow to understand the most small important things in life.Well incase you are deported dont hold it against the swedes,we have rules,good luck.” Comment by camilla tes

    I think she’ll faint when she reads this survival manual!

  • bwana OSEWE,oooooooooh!!!!!!!!!!!!
    i hope this message wataisoma where ever they are,kwa sababu umeongea kama mzazi, this is very true and by the way,since i came to Sweden sijaona ama sijasikia mtu yeyote akijitolea kuadvice mtu hivyo,maana yake rafiki yako wa karibu yule unaweza kumtegemea to advice you HE/SHE ndiye atatafuta njia yako ya kurudishwa kenya and the same time anacheka cheka na wewe na kukualika kwake nyumbani

  • You have pratically covered everything, so those in such of mapepe should download this and use it as a manual. Just wondering how true it is about the 70,000 ksh reward, i think its just propaganda, maybe it was happening before but not these days. All in all it aint worth it, messing up someones life as we all know how tough it is where we coming from whatever the reason we fled from there. On the contrary some people really do evil things inorder to get the mapepe which is unacceptable, like conciously breaking up a family to get what you want, in such a case i think that 70k would be worth it, so you people on the homerecking busine be on look out, you might cross somebody who wont have mercy on you.

  • hej bwana osewe
    well that is a really a word which if there is some, who are just around l would like them to have just some few
    minutes to read this project which will give them a knowlege and protection
    thanks mr osewe.

    KSB: Karibu!

  • Osewe, you have given free of charge advice so whoever can heed should heed and whoever will still do silly things yet is paperless, should not say, “I wish I knew”.

    Today Denmark declared that she will increase her border check-ups by deploying more customs officers who will randomly stop vehicles that enter the country. Swedes and Germans have criticized the Danes for this, but they have stood their ground and will eventually make it a permanent process. The point is such an exercise could be a hidden code for fishing out immigrants who chance crossing into Denmark. So far, it has been possible to enter the Schengen areas without a problem.

    For those interested in “Syndikalisterna”, here is info in Swedish:
    https://www.sac.se/en/Current-activity/Fokus/Registret

    KSB: Thanks Marina. This is just a rough guide but I could publish a complete manual if I had the time.

  • For men making mapepe, just make sure you don’t father many children because they cost money in Sweden. Some Kenyan men have run away to other parts of the Western world because they could not pay child care in Sweden.

  • Osewe, thanks for this.

  • Mycket bra skrivet Osewe
    Nästan rakt på spiken som vi säger i Sverige
    Men vissa smådetaljer stämmer nog inte.
    De 7000 kronorna i belöning t.ex Polisen i Sverige får inte jobba så, med betalda tjallare vad jag vet. Men jag kan ha fel?
    Däremot kan man då flera personer står åtalade vid ett mord, göra klart för dem att de kan komma att åtalas likvärdigt för mordet om inte någon av dem pekas ut som ensam ansvarig och att de andra bara var närvarande osv.
    Enda gången som jag vet att en större belöning har utfests var då Palme mördades och man gick ut med att man skulle betala ett visst antal miljoner till den som kunde komma med information om mördaren.
    Privata utredare, familjer osv har däremot satt ut prispengar vid en del fall i Sverige och då någon försvunnit

  • Now whenever I see a filthy nigger who cant explain his presence I’ll be sure to get that 70 000.. or oh no, thats not true is it. Wankers.

  • aboo bongo bingo matele

    Also remember: we swedes hate niggers so don’t come!

  • It seems some members of the budget committee have other concerns when it comes to scrutinising the budget presented by Uhuru Kenyatta last month. One of the MPs who is a member of the committee and who comes from Central Kenya said he had been treading on eggshells when it came to criticising the budge saying he was worried that any criticism might antagonise Kenyatta who might use his influence in the region to make life difficult for such MPs.

  • Try to shower alot when in Sweden, because Swedes don’t like the smell of niggers. It’s a very pungent smell that is downright offensive. I hear white people smell different to you too, but you can’t blame us folk who just live here in our OWN country. I wouldn’t want to go to Kenya where your entire villages burn people alive for stealing some bread, and you’re more than welcome to keep your disgusting culture and beliefs out of my country. Do not come here, you are not welcome. Now I’ll enjoy some more footage of niggers starving to death.

  • RE: Hinti. “For men making mapepe, just make sure you don’t father many children because they cost money in Sweden. Some Kenyan men have run away to other parts of the Western world because they could not pay child care in Sweden.”

    Your stone age culture is not welcome. You do not “father many children” if you can’t provide a rich life for them, financially but more importantly emotionally! When your main reason to back away is that it’s expensive to give a child what it needs, it means that your values and beliefs are sub human and most decidedly not welcome in Europe at all. Now I know why no African country is even remotely livable, because you are animals and not people. We have to close our borders here and stop feeding you, so you evolve or die out. Inferior people.

  • Bah dont come here with these intentions. I will call authorities on u in a heartbeat, as soon as i suspect something Im on the phone. U guys just ratted someone of ur friends out…

  • Here’s an idea: Why not stay in Kenya and sort your own country out? Do not steal, rape, kill or maim your neighbours. Build your local community. Send your kids to school. Work hard. Do not have sex with goats or monkeys. And use condoms!

  • Iw ork at the immigration athourity (Invandrarverket). The 70 000 skr in cash is not correct, it is only 19 000 skr in cash. The ass examination is true. Gay need big asshole to get leagal paper. Good luck!

    byrådirektör L. Wennerholm

    KSB: This is the problem with SamPippo. Go back to the article and READ carefully. I wrote Ksh70.000 (Kenya shillings) which is about 7.000 SWEDISH KR. If you say it’s 19.000kr, it’s just been increased and thanks for the update!

  • Hopefully no Kenyan nor any other listen to this crap!!! It is a total scam!!! Is that what this site is all about. Scamming your fellow countrymens?

    If you are a Kenyan or African or any other place – do NOT – I repeat do NOT believe any of it!!!!!

    KSB: Sadly, no one can ever control what other people ought to believe in. If there is such a person, the said person ought to Rest In Peace and I am sure every freedom lover will just say “Aimen!” By the way, one person’s freedom fighter is another person’s terrorist so one person’s crap could as well be another person’s chockolate!

  • The Swedish government does NOT pay any money to someone who reports an illegal immigrant. That is also a BIG HUGH SCAM.

    KSB: That was a nice try but unfortunately, the English say that ignorance can sometimes stand there like an elephant! I was educated in Kenya but I really don’t know anything about a big “HUGH” scam.

  • This blog will surely strike back at you.
    Good reading, good luck negros now that everyone is aware of your thoughts and behavior. And thanks for letting us know who you YOU truly are.
    “piece out nigghas”

    KSB. We are what we are here at KSB and that’s the way it’s going to be… If you want to discuss, let’s discuss. If you don’t want, keep the peace.

  • I am reporting this BLOG to immigration authorities.
    I am an immigrant, YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    The ONLY thing accurate here is how filthy and corrupt Kenyas are, that they would sell a woman and not bother to help fellow Kenyans, now THAT is the truth.

    KSB: Try to debate issues in an acceptable way because KSB does not encourage flaming and use of obscene words. If you want to flame, your mail will be dispatched to to the bin directly. At least, this time, it has been edited because you are “a first offender”.

  • Lillian Apiyo

    http://svt.se/2.22620/1.2689546

    Polisen vill inte ha hjälp att jaga papperslösa

  • Well, in a swedish context, a paperless person is someone who went through the byzantine swedish immigration process and exhausted all its possibilities for appeal. And still didnt get right of residency. And then decided to throw away the papers and remain here illegally. I think paperless is newspeak and that illegal is the correct term. Out of respect for all those that decided to show respect for swedish laws and leave when not granted residency if nothing else. And please remember that 95% of those that seek refugee status in sweden do so without any identificationpapers. And that 100% of those that enter an aircraft for sweden have a passport. So in most cases, a paperless person i someone who threw away his or her papers twice.

  • Website touts ruse to turn in illegal immigrants
    Published: 25 Jan 12

    An anti-immigrant website has urged readers to infiltrate a group focused on helping undocumented immigrants in Sweden in order to turn them over to police.

    The campaign by the Sweden Democrat-linked website Avpixlat (literally, “unpixelated”, but also a Swedish colloquialism meaning to “reveal” or “unmask”), comes in response to a call for help in finding housing for a family of undocumented immigrants published on Facebook last week by asylum advocacy group Asylgruppen Lund.

    The website, launched in October 2011, was registered by Sweden Democrat MP Kent Ekeroth, and contains material which echoes the party’s negative line on immigration, multicultural society, and the mainstream Swedish media.

    “Right now Asylgruppen Lund is looking for criminals in Sweden who are willing to offer housing to some illegals,” reads a posting on Avpixlat published on January 20th, the day following the Facebook appeal by Asylgruppen Lund.

    The anti-immigrant website called on readers to respond to the request by the asylum advocacy group in order to “infiltrate” the organization and gather as much information as possible about the undocumented immigrants in need of housing and then hand the information to police.

    According to Avpixlat, the action will ensure that “both the criminals included in the group can be brought to justice and the illegals with whom they are acting as complicit criminals can be turned over to the authorities and kicked out of the country”.

    Kenny Källström, a representative from Asylgruppen Lund told Sveriges Television (SVT) that the group had received several fake responses to their request.

    “It’s an embarrassing attempt to infiltrate us,” he told SVT.

    “It’s a terrible way to sabotage those of us who are working to help families who have a real need for protection.”

    According to Källström, the family referenced in the housing request is from Afghanistan and have had their asylum application rejected and are to be deported.

    In a comment to SVT, the editor of Avpixlat, Lennart K, said the site wants to fight against people staying in Sweden illegally.

    “We want to stop these illegal activities, which we also see as anti-democratic and detrimental to society,” he said.

    While Avpixlat characterizes the housing of rejected asylum seekers and undocumented immigrants as “criminal”, Migration Board (Migrationsverket) spokesperson Johan Rahm told SVT such activities aren’t illegal.

    “Helping or hiding the undocumented isn’t in any way criminal,” he said, adding however that staying in Sweden without a valid residence permit is indeed illegal.

    The Local/dl

  • Sweden receives sham marriage combat manual
    Sweden’s Ministry of Justice has received a draft EU document on how to tackle “marriages of convenience” as part of a union-wide effort to clamp down on liaisons entered into solely for residency rights.
    Published: 25 Jan 13 07:54 CET

    The draft handbook from the European Commission defines the term as “marriage contracted for the sole purpose of enjoying the right of free movement and residence under EU law on free movement of EU citizens that one spouse would not have otherwise.”

    The handbook contains a list of would-be warning signs, including a potentially precarious financial situation for the EU citizen who is entering into marriage, whether or not the wedding attracts many friends and family, and if the two parties come from very different cultural backgrounds.

    The draft was quick to underline that EU member states should not probe all marriages that entail residency rights

    “It must be highlighted that a marriage cannot be considered as a marriage of convenience simply because it brings an immigration advantage,” the draft authors wrote.

    “Or indeed any other advantage (for example the right to a particular surname, location-related allowances, tax advantages or entitlement to social housing for married couples).”

    The report urges EU member states to introduce and enforce tough legislation to deal with sham marriages.

    The manual is solely a draft, the EU Commission underscored when sending it to public servants in Sweden and other member states.

    TT/The Local/at

  • Pingback: Kenya Stockholm Blog | Petterssons gör skillnad

  • Dont go to Sweden, we dont want you here!!

  • Pingback: Råd till kenyanska illegala invandrare | Varg i Veum

  • Niggers, fuck off! I’ll do everything to send you back to your shithole!
    regards from Germany

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