Occasionally, I take pictures destined for ”Moments Pix” at KSB but for some reason, they fail to appear at the blog. The explanation is that sometimes, some pictures don’t look good enough after they have been downloaded from the Camera. Moment pictures are, theoretically, supposed to showcase the best of Kenya-Stockholm scene. When something (however tiny) is wrong with a shot, it is normally thrashed in the bin without afterthoughts.
Taking pictures at Kenya-Stockholm functions can be intricate. Occasionally, you take a picture at a Party which, in the first instance, looks good but when you download it from the camera disk and the finer details become distinct, the subject looks unmistakably grotesque. In principle, the degree of “aesthetically objectionable changes” is what determines whether or not the photo is headed for the bin.
For example, there are cases when the mouth can appear to be twisted funnily because the subject had not completed a smile when the shot was taken or it could be a misplaced grin that basically deforms the facial image. In such instances, the pictures are normally “executed” using the delete button. The point is, if your picture is taken and it fails to show up at KSB, the omission has nothing to do with discrimination, tribalism, favoritism or corruption. Sometimes, it’s just that the lighting was poor and the picture looks dark even after several photo-shopping attempts. There are times when the photo may be perfectly OK but the circumstances awkward. A few examples will suffice.
There is a case of a married Kenyan bloke who posed with a cute Kenyan spinster at a Party. The posture is relaxed with the dude holding the chick comfortably on one shoulder while the chick is holding the guy smugly on the waist. The “couple” appear to blend in every imaginable aspect and, for a stranger, they could easily pass for a pair whose romantic shuttle has whizzed past the delicate “flirting zone” and is digging deep into the “Mhanyo-sphere” to explore the hidden secrets that arouse men and excite women to climax.
The worst part with the above photo is that an anonymous Kenya-Stockholm “marriage breaker” had once phoned the guy’s wife and pumped her to the effect that the guy appears to be very interested in the chick and that the wife ought to “watch-out” otherwise ndoa itavunjika. The apparent “interest” was gleaned from an innocent dance the guy had with the chick at one of those rogue nyama choma after parties where revelers don’t think about that morning katzenjammer as they imbibe and dance to the beats of Sound of Blackness.
The problem was that during the dance, the couple “rubbed too close”, prompting some rumour mongers to begin developing theories to explain the act. In Kenya-Stockholm, scooping someone’s wife on the dance floor for a swing is allowed but when the dance begins to “tighten up around the waist” with the forbidden goods literally “saying hallo to each other”, gossipers have to dash to the kitchen to cook up some explanations which can then be circulated to different channels. By the time the rumour becomes the main news in the entire Kenya-Stockholm, don’t be surprised if the headline at KSB is reading something like “Mashaka is hanyaring Shemeji” these days. With the lucid background I have of this shot, I doubt whether publishing it would be a good idea.
May be, KS-Beers heard about the story of the Kenyan who split with his wife after a picture of the hubby was published holding another cute Kenyan lady who could literally sweep you off your feet when she arrives “bouncing” in the room. The picture was taken in Stockholm when the guy’s wife was still cooling down in Kenya and as the guy worked hard to relocate her to Stockholm so that the goods could be close enough for consumption.
God save Makozewe
When the picture hit the net, Kenya-Stockholm gossipers took over the explanation which eventually reached the wife thereby creating a huge crisis which led to a split. The storo went like this: When the wife was in Kenya, the guy was hanya-hanyaring in Stockholm and the picture which was published at a blog (not KSB) was taken a day after the chick had allegedly spent the night in the guy’s crib.
In the background, Watu Wengine, a known gossiper, had been peddling rumours that the guy had been denying that he had anything to do with the chick but as soon as the picture was published, it was produced by Kenya-Stockholm Gossiping Community as evidence that the dude had been cheating on the wife as she waited for Mapepe aka permission in Kenya.
“This is what we have been telling you. Now, you can see with your naked eyes because the truth is out”, the wife was allegedly told. She then called the hubby who had not yet seen the picture to find out the truth. The hubby said that the picture was taken long time ago when she was in Kenya and that it had nothing to do with consumption of the woman’s goods. Unfortunately, marriage breakers had already convinced the woman that the picture was taken “last summer” when the wife had already arrived in Sweden. The catch was that the guy had continued being close to the woman even after the wife arrived in Sweden. In the end, the propagandists had their way and the couple split up.
Just like the policy of “abortion on demand” in Western capitals, the policy at KSB is to pull down pictures “on demand” if sufficient reasons can be given to a qualified KISS agent to the effect that the social life and well-being of the subject will be in danger if a photo remains at KSB. We don’t want to publish people’s pictures against their will because the idea is not to antagonize anybody. Recently, “enemy number one” of a Kenyan lady stole her picture from Face Book then sent it to KSB through a fake email which suggested that it was the lady who had sent it.
It was a very nice picture and nothing was wrong with it. In fact, you could wonder the beauty hidden within members of Kenya-Stockholm community. After it was published at the popular “Moment pix”, the lady called KSB to find out why the picture had been lifted from FB and published at the blog. In the end, it emerged that the same picture hangs on the wall of the lady’s living room and that she had nothing to do with its dispatch to KSB. It had to be pulled down! We just wondered how some community members fight their battles with style!
In yet another case, a lady called me and said that a picture she had taken with myself together with her hubby was creating a lot of tribulations for her so I was driven to wonder. The thing is, the couple was in deep crisis at the time the picture was taken and I didn’t know so when Raila was in Stockholm and pictures were being taken, I innocently fixed myself in the middle of the couple and a classic shot was taken. After it was uploaded at KSB, trouble began. According to the storo, the guy was using the picture for propaganda to win a conflict with the wife when the case was brought before the Swedish authorities.
Although the wife was apparently telling authorities that they “were at war”, the picture (which was two weeks old by then) was showing the couple smiling broadly with a good friend in between at a Kenyan party – God save Makozewe! For the authorities, the impact was that the picture created a serious contradiction in the woman’s case that was strong enough to invalidate her storo about “not being in talking terms” yet the couple was smiling big at a Party in a recent picture that is online. When the woman noticed that she was losing because the guy was too good at propaganda, she requested that the picture be pulled down and I had to. According to the propaganda, I was in the middle because it is me who had allegedly succeeded in reconciling the couple when the truth is that I did not even know that the couple was in crisis and fighting a bitter war before Swedish authorities. You don’t want to get in the middle of a battle between a married couple because of a photo eller hur?
The dude carrying the wrong baby
Take another example. A guy published pictures of “the best Kenya-Stockholm mothers”. Punde si punde, phones were ringing eti a guy never knew that a lady whose photo also appeared with the group of mothers had a baby. The chic has been studying at University and all that is known about her is that she is single and child-free. When her photo popped up at a blog that she was a mother, Sam Pippo began “to trace the baby”. The problem was that she had posed beside a mother but in the photo, there was no caption to the effect that she was babyless.
Too many examples. In another case, the picture of a guy was published under the title of single dudes. There was a phrase encouraging single chicks to stop wasting time and go for the dudes. Haya. Next, trouble began right in Kenya. A guy who had been portrayed as single had actually abandoned a wife and kid back in Kenya to look for greener pastures in Stockholm. When a friend saw the picture, she alerted the wife – that she had been dumped because his hubby is out window-shopping for a new wife in Stockholm. The guy then got an sms from the wife to establish whether their relationship had ended. I don’t know what happened in the end.
Kenya-Stockholmers know this guy called Apostle David Karanja who was here last year. As he was blessing the kids, a Kenyan’s photo was taken carrying another kid in a posture that suggested that he was the father. When the picture was published at KSB to recognize Kenyans who were in the front lines with “baby production” to increase the population of the tribe, the guy called KSB “in a state of panic” to say that the picture would put him in trouble. He was just carrying the baby and he was no father of anybody. The juicy part is that the guy is newly married and thanks God the picture was taken down before the wife saw it for how could he have explained the baby?
“So you have a baby and I don’t know? Who is the mother?”, he imagined the questions raining from his wife. On the other hand, the real daddy of the baby could be having a different kind of problem with the mother of the poor child. “So it was Nani who fathered this kid? What is going on?”, could be a few queries for the mother. This was pure human error and the photo was pulled down immediately! This is why at KSB, we have a policy of vetting pictures going online although sometimes things could f#$$¤%k” up and the mess has to be taken care of!
Okoth Osewe
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