Mr. Tonny Odera, an HIV positive Kenyan in Stockholm, has been rendered homeless following a stroke attack of his ex-wife who has since undergone a successful brain surgery to save her life.
Speaking to KSB from the streets of Stockholm where he now lives, Tonny said that he was increasingly getting worried about his safety and health because he has no roof above his head.
“I wish to go public that I have nowhere to go because I am currently homeless due to machinations of relatives of my ex-wife”, he told KSB.
According to Tonny, he has been living at Tulinge after he separated with his wife but by the time she got a stroke, they were in the process of patching up things to explore possibilities that were left for them.
The improvement in their relationship then prompted Tonny to move from his flat in Tulinge to join his ex at her flat but after his ex got a stroke, Tonny told KSB that he was thrown out of the apartment by relatives of his ex who told him that he was no longer welcome in the house because the address was not his official residence as per Swedish records.
When his ex got a stroke, it was Tonny who called the Ambulance that rushed her to hospital but now, Tonny says that he has been banned from hospital visits. Tonny also claimed that there is a systematic process of sidelining him from the affairs of Heteroplus, an organization which, he said, he helped set up together with his wife and whose agenda is to help HIV positive people in Sweden.
On November 29th, Tonny was one of the main speakers at a Conference that was organized by Heteroplus which, he said, he organized together with his ex. It is shortly after the Conference that his ex got a stroke attack.
Sounding upset by relatives of his ex, Tonny said that there is a lot of money involved in Heteroplus which, he said, could be influencing attempts to keep him off the organization.
He said that when he moved from his flat at Tulinge, it was an agreement between the two of them and lamented that relatives of his ex are taking advantage of the fact that his ex is in a comma to try and wipe him off the map.
“(name withheld) has not given authority that I be vacated from the house because she cannot talk. If she wakes up, she will be angry that I have been thrown out of the house”, Tonny told KSB.
“When we agreed that we would live together, it was because my ex recognized my ability to play a positive role in her life and attempts by the family to cut me off because they want to cash in is unfortunate”, he said.
He said that although he has been taking a back seat in the situation, he now wants to alert the Kenya-Stockholm society that “something is wrong”.
He said that because of his exe’s situation, it is him who could now decide on matters pertaining to Heteroplus as an organization, not family members who are trying to cut him off “because he is not a member of the family”.
“I am struggling with emotions. Heteroplus was my brainchild. The fact that (name withheld) is now in an induced comma does not mean that her family members should mistreat me”, he said.
KSB has learnt that the patient was scheduled to go through a second operation on the throat to make an opening to enhance her respiratory system although it is still not yet clear whether the operation went ahead.
KSB believes that the family should try to sort out internal differences or misunderstandings away from the public domain as a mark of respect to the Kenyan lady who is not in a position to intervene or take any decisions.
In the meantime, KSB continues to call for prayers for the Kenyan lady and members of her family who must be going through a very difficult time. We appeal to the family to try and resolve any differences in the situation away from the media.
Okoth Osewe
About the Author
Isn’t the Kenya-Stockholm community full of drama? I can’t believe that the relatives of the lady in a coma have ignored her agreement with ex-husband Tony Odera and shoved him out of her apartment. To make it worse, they are threatening to kick him out of work.
This is a case of social and human injustice that requires intervention from the Swedish authorities. But again, this is just one of the numerous social insecurities generally afflicting Kenyan men in Sweden after assisting their spouses for many years. Those relatives should reverse their rule so that Tony can cease to suffer in the cold Swedish winter without accommodation.
Tony, my best wishes and hope you can quickly move to contact the relevant authorities for temporary shelter as you wait to return to your ex-wife’s home.
Osewe, I think Kenyans in Stockholm should give you the ultimate prize in information/propaganda gathering and propagation. I am beginning to think that everybody around me is a KSB agent but I don’t want to say.
Anyway, I am just wondering whether Tonny Odera may have paid dowry after he got married to the sick woman. If he went back to Kenya and did so, then I wonder whether when they separated, the dowry was repaid back to Tonny’s family.
I am raising this as a Luo who understands Luo culture. If something happens to the woman, Tonny will have to be part of the solution and so it is not advisable for the family to treat him this way. I can’t go into detail because the lady is in hospital and people are praying for her.
What I can say is that members of the family need to be careful on how they handle Tonny even if he may be problematic. If something happens to Tonny because he was thrown out of the family at a time when they were in good relationship with his ex, the risk is that family members who are responsible may have to face the wrath of chira in future.
Some Luo elder should advise them that this is a sensitive issue, given the condition of Tonny’s ex. They may have separated here in Sweden but if dowry was paid, she remains Tonny’s wife as per Luo culture. They should re-think this issue further.
Just wondering if there has been any change in situation of the sick wife. Has she left the hospital,yet?
If Tonny were a real man,he would stop sheltering under his wife’s arms and make a life for himself.
These are the kind of parasites that ladies dont need in their lives.
Instead of cowering in his own guilt,why doesn’t he wash up and go visit his wife in hospital!! SHAME ON YOU….
Way to go Independent Woman. Tony should be Man enough not to blame his ex-wife’s relatives for his current calamity.
Life with an ex is always shaky and he should have known that the bad blood between him and his ex-wife’s relatives exists, and will always be used to shove him aside.
After almost 10 years in Sweden, Tony should be independent and stop living in dreams.
I think Tonny is looking for sympathy by trying to portray the impression that he is the main victim in the situation. His style is to try and use heteroplus as a legitimate reason to argue that the reason the relatives are doing this to him is for the money. If he was in charge of the money principally with his ex, then how was the organization running? Does it mean that other Committee members were just spectators watching things happen with the leadership having been reduced to two people?
I think the relatives are right in keeping Tonny away from the house because if his deal was with his ex, then his ex is currently not in a position to take any decisions. The Swedish law says that it is the relatives or next of kin who should be in charge regardless of the circumstances. If Tonny was legally still with his ex, then the relatives may not be right.
From the reports, it seems clear that they had gone ways apart and that even if they were trying to “patch up things” when this thing happened, that is now history which can only be sorted out if his ex recovers. In the meantime, I think the relatives of his ex need to take responsibility in the interest of their sick relative. If he is homeless, it is not the responsibility of the woman’s relatives to house him.
That is now officially the responsibility of the Swedish state and what Tonny needs to do is to take contact and explain his case which should be understandable and he will be housed in some make-shift shack. Portraying the relatives in a negative light just to win sympathy is not the correct step at the moment as this will isolate him even further from these relatives who must be in shock at the moment.
Tony Odera is almost 50 years old but still thinks he is in primary school and needs to be accommodated by a woman. This is Sweden and a man’s independence is guarded by backup, meaning he needs to be smart in case a woman kicks him out of their common home.
In Tony’s case, it is worse that he still lays claim to accommodation in his ex-wife’s apartment. If he is not legally registered at her address, then he has no right to be there and should get his own place. Tony has a short memory and forgets the insults he used to hurl at his ex even in public, thereby creating hatred with her relatives in Stockholm. It is payback time and they will never sympathize with him.
If he is the brainchild of Heteroplus as he claims, then why should he be worried about its operations? He still has the right to run it by bringing in a new partner and be accountable to the funders.
Sometimes we go public with matters that be can solved quietly in our bedrooms or at work. Tony needs to get a life and seek accommodation from the Swedish authorities, instead of rushing to KSB for unnecessary sympathy among Kenya-Stockholmers. We have so many homeless people without occupation, yet he has Heteroplus and is grieving. He should adjust and put all his energy in Heteroplus which will rescue him and prove his capability, instead of wrangling with his ex wife’s relatives.
Tony should always remember how he kept insulting and mistreating his ex-wife, yet she is the one who helped him to live in Sweden, when he was desperate and sick with nothing. He owes her everything despite being so cruel to her. I guess as somebody wrote, he is just guilty.
Tony: “Get Real” as you normally shout at others. Stop being nostalgic and get a life. Your ex wife remains an ex and you have no legal claims to accommodation in her apartment without written evidence. You are on your own and need to face the truth; so “grow up and move on.”
Coming to KSB with such hogwash is not going to improve anything in your life. Staying in the cold for a period should clear your clogged mind to focus on what you should to do to succeed in Sweden.
Which man would be blind enough to stake his life on on a relationship in Sweden? Most male-female relationships here are for convenience, so stop clinging on your ex wife’s crib reminiscing how you miss watching her wide screen TV and lazing on her warm bed.
GET REAL!
Tony you are a disgrace for the our tribe.
I really hope you can grow up and get yourself
your own place. Stop, parasiting on your wife,
at least care more for her recovery than your
own shelter.Maybe,God new why he cast his curse
on you.Your 50 years and still living on others.
This is sad.
And also, is there any more information on the
wife’s situation?
I fully agree with Bizarre that Tony should stop being selfish by only thinking about his shelter. He should instead use this period to update us on his ex-wife’s medical condition.
Tony got help to live in Sweden through his ex wife, so what more does he want? He should show leadership by avoiding pettiness and airing his dirty laundry in public. Even this Heteroplus initiative he is making noise with is through the efforts of his ex wife who go him into the Swedish system. She was very tolerant of his bad habits like despising and abusing her all over Stockholm. She remained loyal and even married him, but Tony never changed.
Tony can now talk nastily yet he is the one who has messed up his life for the past 8 years he has lived in Sweden. Who does not know his habit with the “tin” or cruelty to his ex-wife’s daughter? Those relatives are so fed up with him since he remains a leech who sucks them instead of bringing in benefits. Since when did a proud African man cry over his wife’s property that she got out of her own hard work?
He should have used the golden opportunity of meeting his ex wife to improve his personality and drop those bad habits he is known for. Instead, he has turned into a cry-baby looking for sympathy.
Larry, you couldn’t have put it better. At Tony’s age if he is still clinging upon his ex-wife’s property for survival, and for which he has no legal rights, then he is simply a non-starter.
We understand his pain for being kicked out by her relatives; but does he have any say there? No. He is a guy who has been living in one grand illusion after the other, just bragging around and living in the past.
The time has come for him to take those below-the-belt punches which I reckon are mean and hard. In Sweden, one needs to focus on the “self”, instead of hanging onto other people’s tailcoats.
Tony:
“They have blocked you this time”. The hunter is being hunted and no matter what, it is check-mate for you. Luckily for you, I undertand the winter is not yet severe in Stockholm, so you can wander down the streets.
What happened to your Luo philosophical dreams? Where is the Luo pride in you if you can go in public crying like a baby? Aren’t you the one who should be giving updates about your ex-wife’s health instead of making noise about your differences with her relatives? I am NOT surprised your domestic affairs are in shambles.
I quote what Independent woman wrote about you at KSB: “Instead of cowering in his own guilt, why doesn’t he wash up and go visit his wife in hospital!! SHAME ON YOU….”
I reserve the pleasure ,and vey happy that all are hiding .No one has come out and say who they are,men i dint know am feared,why dont you tell me face who you are?thanks for the blessings
Tony:
Stop being grumpy and focus on re-aligning your shattered ego. And by the way, nobody fears you. Just pick up the pieces and move on.
Reflect upon the time you have wasted this year hanging on the sleeves of your ex-wife chasing nothing, and hope to improve next year.
Tony:
You could have kept the little dignity you still have by NOT commenting on this issue. By coming forth to claim that people fear you, you have just sunk further down the “losers pit.”
At almost 50 years, what credit do you have for being in Sweden for the past 8 years? None. Your ex-wife led the way by providing your residence permit. However, since you are a lazy, hard-core loser and an extreme chauvinist, you disrespected and kept insulting her both at home and in public. Her daughter hates you like the plague.
You are the one who is inferior and have no direction. Tony, you have nothing to offer both materially and spiritually. People loathe you for your extreme social transgressions and some of your habits are too mouthful to mention here.
When you were initially sick and helpless, you blamed every dirty deed on your poor health and mental instability. However, you never changed after getting all the necessary help from your ex wife. You should give credit to her for your improved health, because she is the one who helped you to stay in Sweden and enjoy free medication.
In marriage, you continued with your stupidity and divorce was the only way out.
You have now come back to lick the spew you left behind. You are just proving to be the same liability you were born to be. Don’t expect any sympathy from Kenyans. Be your age and take time off to re-examine your life.
Tony, people don’t fear you but are FEARFUL of you, because of your horrible social behavior. You have been told before to your face by many Kenyans in Stockholm and you know this, so don’t get semantic twisting words around talking of blessings. Those are curses from people who are fed up with you.
Through KSB, it is now possible for people to tell you what they think about you without being offensive. It is called “cyber-justice”. By the way, why should people fear you, a homeless crawler? The use of handles in the Net is an accepted practice as long as it is not abused so “get real”.
I will be taking you head-on anytime because I am one of those people pissed off with your crap of a behavior. You will never come to know me and next time I meet you, I will just smile at you while I check you out – whether you have fixed a roof on top of your head.
Wake up or ulimwengu will wake you up boy. Come here and say “I am sorry. I have messed up my life. Kenyans, relax. I am trying to fix it”. May be, some Kenyan may then invite you to sleep on the veranda or on a mattress in the kitchen to help you find your way out of the mess that your life has become.
After ten years in Sweden, there will be no cheap sympathy as long as you are sleeping in the street and crying over your ailing ex, disturbing relatives who are undergoing emotional difficulty. If you continue thumping your chest saying that people fear you, you are just looking for more trouble. Visit the social office and ask for help with accommodation. Tell them that you are in crisis. This is one help I can give you. That’s enough for today until I hear from you again. You can now rest.