Strange White Stuff: Monitoring Spouses

SUNDAY SPECIAL:

Fall in love with a white male or female and you are probably in for 24/7 monitoring. A white

girlfriend will ensure that she knows where you are and what you doing round the clock. When you are at work, she could call (on a daily basis) to know when you are coming home. She could begin by trying to find out how things are going at work but the hidden purpose could be to determine your estimated time of arrival home. Definitely, there are whites who have abandoned this kind of monitoring but the majority still do. If the relationship is new, the monitoring could be more intense.

The situation could be much more serious in case you intend to detour to Vasa or another hole after work and you didn’t plan it in advance. Apart from trying to establish your “road map” back home, she may also be interested in whose company you are going to be, what you are going to do, how long you expect to be there and the exact time you are expected back in the house to give her attention. The very act of leaving your spouse at home because you are drinking with your friends in the pub could be very strange to a whitie.

In dark-skinned cultures, you don’t always have to tell everything about your schedule to your spouse because the general rule is that anything can come up in the space of time and even if you were scheduled to return home immediately, you can still detour without a major problem arising. But not always so with a white spouse.

The mobile phone is an invention that has helped the white spouse keep track of his or her partner with precision. If you can’t answer the phone for some reason, the whitie will send an SMS and advise that you get in touch as soon as you get the message. Taking the case of a white girl as an example, the more you don’t communicate the more she could call and leave all sorts of messages in your machine. The messages could be coated with emotion depending on the seriousness of the situation.

In fact, not calling or texting to tell a white spouse that you will be unable to answer the phone for some reason could lead to a deep romantic crisis. This is because for the whitie, making an alert about a possible breakdown in communication should be something of a priority when you are in a relationship. In fact, communicating should be simple because it takes less than a minute and, under the circumstances, there may be no other plausible explanation as to why you could not communicate especially if you claim to care, more so, if you claim that you love the blondie.

If you want a new cell phone, say that you cannot communicate properly because your current phone is defective. If you have no cash, you can be sure that the white spouse will look for money to fix a new phone as a matter of urgency because he or she cannot afford to lose track of you because of some defective mobile phone that can be dumped and replaced even if purchasing on credit.

If the new mobile comes and you claim that it’s too complicated (it could happen with a smart phone you have never handled), be ready for a step by step lesson on how to use it no matter how long it takes. If you are lazy in reading manuals, the whitie will take the lead and understand the phone so that you can be taught how to use it. White people never want to leave anything to chance especially things they care about.

You could be in a “Paper love” which means that your heart may not actually be in the thing but for her, every minute you are away, she may be feeling “love sick”. At the end of the phone lesson, the whitie will test and confirm that you can make a call and send an SMS. From then onwards, don’t give further excuses based on the phone if you want to avoid a crisis.

Keeping track of their spouses is regarded by whites as part of the love process which also has it that once someone belongs to you, you have a right to know everything about that person. This includes searching the person’s pockets when he or she comes home and checking the mobile phone to monitor SMS messages. It could be normal for a white person to just ask you for your phone to go through the information contained in it or just pick it up when you are watching TV and check it out. But that is not all.

“I love you darling”
A white girl could even call contacts on your phone book without your knowledge as part of the meticulous monitoring process and if you cannot cope with this kind of behavior, don’t engage a white spouse. You can be sure that if there are female names on your phone book which the whitie does not recognize, she will call these numbers one by one to say that “I am the girl friend of so and so and I am calling to find out who you are because I got your number in his phone book and I don’t know you” or something like that. That is how bad the situation can get.

The same case applies to the man. In dark-skinned cultures, this could amount to unnecessary spying, violation of privacy or undue suspicion. The whitie will do the monitoring even if there is no suspicion of cheating because it is perfectly normal for her to know your friends.

If you picked up the phone number of some girl in the pub, the rule says that you should also have told her that you are in a relationship. If you didn’t and the whitie happens to call the girl who then tells her that you met in the pub, it is normal for the whitie to ask the girl whether you told her that you are in a relationship. If you didn’t, you could be in shit.

The problem is that once you fall in love with a white person, you might discover that you have to give away your privacy in terms of time you can spend alone, with friends or work mates. As part of the monitoring, the whitie may insist that she follows you almost everywhere possible. When in love, they are very possessive while they like to advertise the fact that they are hooked to someone.

The strict monitoring of their spouses is responsible for hundreds of break ups in white-black relationships because when it comes to dark-skinned cultures, a man’s manhood is also based on his ability to have freedom to control how he spends his time even if he has a spouse or if he is married. Not so with white people who will never understand this.

If you want to interest the white lassie (especially when you are making paper), tell her that you like the way she is monitoring your movements because for you, it is a sign that she loves you. Say something like “whenever you call to find out when I am coming home or what I am doing, I feel that I belong to some one so keep it up sweetie”.

She will most likely giggle with joy if not intensify the monitoring. Don’t be surprised if she says that you are very special even if you are not doing anything special. If you are away, every phone call might end with “I love you” and you have to say “I love you too”, sometimes adding the word “darling” or “sweat heart” at the end. Regular “you are my sugar” kind of expressions should be in your note book because they make her feel secure.

If you are having a “cold one” with your fellow nigger and he ends the phone with “I love you too”, you automatically know that he is in a relationship with a whitie because many Africans to not make such exchanges with their African spouses who only hear about “baby I love you” in Jenipher Lopez songs. When you have been away and you get back to base, make sure that the first thing you do when you come into contact with her is to kiss her on the lips and say something like “I have missed you darling” even if you haven’t. If possible, do the kissing on the door way. It is the practical evidence that you were really missing her.

If you had a serious exchange on the phone about always meeting your friends at short notice and you know that there is an argument waiting when you hit base, try to fix some flowers to be handed in immediately you arrive then make sure you apologize. You might get away with it by making a new promise.

If you will be late unexpectedly, don’t forget to call and make sure that you are not late for more than one hour because that is a very long time which needs to be planned well in advance.

There could be problems with traffic or the train might have been terribly late but the point is that you should call and say so. Depending on the “age of the relationship”, keep the girl with regular updates on where you are during the period you are late. “Sweat heart, the train is now moving and I should be home in about fifteen minutes” kin of updates keeps her cool.

The more you get together, the more you will get to understand the level of monitoring by your spouse. When you are about to arrive after some lateness, call and say that you can’t wait to see her. She will be hooked for some time. Monitoring is more intensive when you are in a new relationship or if the relationship shows signs of stress.

This is a general view of the “culture of monitoring” of spouses by white people. The situation may be different in different relationships and the case may not apply for all white people so don’t blame me. The article does not also suggest that Africans do not monitor their spouses as such. The main focus is on the intensity.

Okoth Osewe

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