A group of Kenyan guests who had been invited to the birthday bash of a Kenyan-Swedish toddler were thrown out of an apartment in Stockholm after the Swedish spouse of the Kenyan host turned hostile shortly after midnight. There was pandemonium as drunken guests scampered for safety after the woman started breaking glasses and spilling drinks on invited guests, ordering everybody to leave her apartment because she wanted to sleep.
Signs of unease began to show shortly after 22.00 hrs when the Swedish woman kindly requested the Kenyans to wind up their drinks and go, arguing that the birthday party ended at 20.00hrs. According to the invitation cards which were circulated to invited guests, the Party was to run from 14.00-20.00hrs. The Kenyan whispered to his friends that his wife “was very strict” and that it took him a lot of time to convince her that the bash would be boring for him without his Kenyan pals.
By 21.00 hrs, all Swedish guests who were invited had left, leaving the Kenyans behind in what became known as the “Mollin After-Party” (aka extension), Mollin being the name of the birthday girl. When the woman first requested the Kenyan guests to leave, her Kenyan husband rose from his seat to talk to her privately in another room. Minutes later, the man surfaced to assure his Kenyan guests that he had cooled down stuff and that the Party could continue. Despite the rather weird interruption, the general view was that the unwelcome scene was just another case of the Swedish-Kenyan culture clash which could be fixed by the guy. For the Swedes, the Party had ended but for Wakenya, the bash was just beginning “to pick up steam”.
The dude of the house did confirm to his guests what appeared obvious. He whispered to the guests in Kiswahili that the wife was trying to run the Party “the Swedish way” and encouraged his guests to relax because he was in control of the situation. The guests obeyed as beer glasses were filled up and tots of widhiki, vodo and konjakto were tossed liberally in the air to wish the birthday girl success in the future.
One big hitch was that as the strong fluids permeated more into the cranial systems of the Kenyan guests, both the male and female vocal codes increased the transmission frequencies of them juicy storos, hot pilipili hoho gossip lines, and sheer political propaganda thereby creating what sound experts could roughly call “loud noise”.
For a soft-spoken Swedish woman brought up in the culture of soft dialogue, the atmosphere that existed in her sitting room as Kenyans did their thing was scary. As the revelers competed for attention, it was like they would be grabbing each other’s throats anytime because it was like everybody was involved in a kind of long winding and endless argument. In reality, the Kenyans were actually engaged in normal conversations and the only signs that all was well were occasional outbursts of laughter whenever someone threw in an irresistible rib-tickling line.
For the nervous Swedish woman of the house who could not even understand the exchanges due to language barrier, every second was nerve-wrecking. The woman had not yet factored what would happen if a fight broke out in her flat, given the apparent threatening manner in which the conversations were taking place. Besides, the kids could not be put to sleep because of too much noise while it was just a matter of time before the neighbours began to complain about disturbance. The worst case scenario was that security personnel could be sent in by the neighbours to restore calm, an action that could lead to an eviction warning by the housing company. It is for this reason that when the clock hit 22.00hrs (official time allowed when reasonable noise can be tolerated without serious consequences), the Swede began to agitate.
Initially, every time the woman surfaced to request the guests to leave, the Kenyan hubby hurried her into the bedroom to calm her down and things were kind of working. The hubby would then return without her, urge the guests to tone down their voices as the party continued. Almost immediately, the guests would forget about the vikwazo on their high-pitched voices as they resumed noise making kama kawaida.
Pandemonium
When the woman could no longer take it anymore, she pounced into the room suddenly and began to confiscate drinks on the table, throwing them around and shouting for everybody to leave her flat. It was twenty five minutes past one and as she went berserk in the room, the Kenyan hubby, who was already zonked to capacity, tried to restrain her, just as he had been doing. This time, the woman pushed him and he fell on his ass, landing on the laps of a cute Burundian woman who was drinking Bacardi on the sidelines.
The room was packed and due to lack of sitting space, the Burundian girl had her bums delicately patched on the arm rest of the brown leather sofa unit. When the guy landed on her laps without notice, the two tipped over and fell on the floor with the dude on top of her. In the meantime, her glass flew in the air, spilling the Bacardi mix on revelers who were just beginning to appreciate the sudden turn of events. “Get out of my house”, the Swedish woman shouted. She looked totally frustrated.
A Kenyan youth who tried to restrain the woman of the house by pleading with her to calm down was hit on the head by her with a half-empty beer can as the woman smashed glasses on the floor, shouting for everybody to leave immediately.
Another Kenyan woman who tried to use her feminine appeal to soothe the woman had red wine poured on her face by the irritated Swede as the Kenyan lady was ordered to shut up because that was not her house. The wine literally coloured the victim’s dress from the breast area down to her knees. The victim looked like someone who had just survived a bloody knife-fight. With her dress painted red, the offended Kenyan woman turned wild and, in turn, slapped the Swede on the cheek, warning her to have respect for others even if people were in her house. At that point, the shocked Swede rushed to her bedroom and called police, probably fearing that the whole crowd would turn against her and beat her senseless. When the Kenyans understood that manjako had been alerted, total chaos broke out as the guests scrambled to pick up their belongings to flee the apartment. According to an eye witness, two paperless guests who were enjoying themselves were the first to scamper to safety.
By then, some neighbors were already outside the apartment, trying to investigate what was happening. An interesting twist was that as the arrival of police was awaited with some revelers fleeing into the neighborhood, more drama also unfolded, both inside and outside the house.
Top secrets fly in the air
A lady who forgot her handbag during the chaos had it thrown outside through the window and upon impact on the ground, the handbag’s content scattered in all directions. One of the Good Samaritans who was helping the woman “pick up the pieces” was surprised when he found a pack of condoms among the goods he had salvaged. The surprise arose because the woman is married and, according to the Good Samaritan, condoms ought to have been chilling somewhere in her bed-room, not in a hand bag at a birthday bash. When the good guy tried to poke his big nose into the matter, the woman simply told her to “mind his own business”.
Back in the house, the Kenyan host was undergoing a different kind of humiliation. The Swedish woman was broadcasting his top secrets as remnants of guests left the scene. The dude was informed that their marriage was over as he was advised to pack his stuff the following morning and leave. He was told never to return “as he did last time” when the couple was in crisis. The woman told the guy to stop cheating his friends that the couple had bought the house because the house belonged to the woman. The fleeing guests also got to learn that the kid, whose birthday was being celebrated, was fathered by a Gambian rival while they also gathered that the guy had been given a “last chance” in the relationship after he hanyad a white friend of the Swedish woman under circumstances which the woman never disclosed.
When police arrived at the scene, the woman narrated how her “Ex-hubby” had packed the house with black people “who refused to leave” when she requested them to do so. “They are making noise to the neighbours, breaking my glasses and spilling drinks everywhere”, the woman told police.
The blondie painted the Kenyan hubby as an ex-lover who showed up as a guest to attend her daughter’s birthday party. As the man protested that he lives in the apartment, the woman told police that the dude has been homeless and that she is only helping him with an address where he can collect his mails. One revelation led to another and when the Kenyan dude protested that the woman was lying, he was led into a police car and driven to the station so that he could sober up to allow for his real abode to be established. In the meantime, the last Kenyan guests at the scene were given orders by police to leave. As they tried to find their way out of the neighborhood, they could only wonder at the kind of vituko in Kenya-Stockholm.
Okoth Osewe
About the Author
Osewe: A rib-cracking summer spin of culture-clash and primitive energy.
Shocking things women carry
They are like walking sticks. But what mysterious things do women carry in those huge handbags? NJOKI CHEGE explores
From tiny clutch bags to the downright huge-for-nothing sack-sized monsters, a woman’s handbag is the ultimate fashion statement. Or so we thought.
TV viewers still remember the image of a fallen marathon star runner’s mother whipping out a panga from her handbag and charging at a group of relatives that she had a tiff with.
It heightened the age old-old curiosity among men: What mysterious things do we women carry in their handbags?
A research firm was commissioned to conduct a survey among Nairobi women aged between 18-45 years to understand the enigma of the handbag and its purpose in a woman’s life. What they unearthed is a shocker.
The usual suspects were, of course, mobile phones, money, wallets, lotion, ATM cards, sanitary towels, tampons and wet wipes — the normal girlish stuff.
But it is cucumbers and courgettes that stopped the researchers in their tracks. Indeed, according to the researchers, out of 150 bags sampled, 21 had a cucumber. Other items found were panties, toothbrushes and — quite rare even for women standards — an empty soda bottle.
At face value, cucumbers and corgettes could pass for key ingredients for stew, but their suggestive shapes and sizes, not to mention their presence in a handbag, tell a different story.
lonely
“The women we interviewed gave several reasons for carrying cucumbers and courgettes in their bags. Some said they were lonely. Others claimed they are in sexually unfulfilling relationships, or that their partners live away in different towns,” says part of the report.
Not surprisingly, these two vegetables proved quite popular among lesbians.
But other women insisted they only carried them as a “snack and a remedy for puffy eyes after a night out”. Pauline Ngugi, a young mother, took almost two minutes before she could list everything inside her leather bag.
“I carry chewing gum, wallet, phones, a book, a bottle of juice, a bottle of water, a banana, a pear (all for snacks), car keys, and all the other private stuff such as sanitary towels, wet wipes, a jar of hand sanitiser, a phone charger, a pen, a notebook… that’s all I can remember for now,” says Pauline.
I would have done the same if it were my house, and im black. …animals!
Kisumu woman strips naked at a bank
Monday, July 09, 2012 – Security guards, residents and employees at a bank in Kisumu were caught up in an embarrassing situation when a woman in her middle age stripped naked in an ATM.
A security guard who was present when the incident happened told the media that the woman was in the company of a young man when they stepped inside the ATM.
Minutes later the woman was heard screaming at the top of her lungs creating attention from residents who were waiting in line to withdraw money.
The residents were totally shocked when they opened the door of the ATM to see the woman stripping as the man they were with vanished in the commotion.
“mayoo, nabbed wendo ng’a yawa,” she exclaimed. (Who will save me from this mess?)
Security guards who were caught unawares tried stopping the woman from stripping further but the woman could not oblige she ended up stripping all the clothes she had leaving her in her birthday suite.
The men could however not handle the situation since they feared a curse; they said it’s contrary to their tradition to see an elderly woman naked unless you are having sexual intercourse with them.
They had fears that seeing a naked woman would lead to curses befalling them.
They however called some of the bank employees with who tradition allowed them to see a naked woman.
The woman was led to a safe room where she was left to dress up before she narrated to the bank administration why she had made such a scene in public.
In her narration she said she was a business woman and had her premises at Kisumu town, she however was not responsible for banking transactions as she trusted her accountant whose name is Otieno.
She had gone to the ATM with Otieno to withdraw some money only to receive the shock of her life, her account had no money. She could not understand where the millions of money deposited went to.
The woman vowed to report the incident to Kisumu police station to investigate the matter.
The Kenyan DAILY POST
Real men should not run away when a woman regardless age stripped naked!What they should do is to sorround her and fu—ck her up with fingers or even whipping her battocks so that next time she behaves? What was so special by showing off her protrunding battocks and perhaps big tits and huge stomach!
Fingering her using long fingers would have brought her to sense!
Should we call it Cultural-shoke !Why do real blondes marry Negroes?In fact a genuine White Swede (upperclass) cannot marry a Neger!Those White swedish women you see around carying Milato kids comes from the Lowest class (rejects) in the society!Just like any White male swedish man marrying a negger from Africa must have met her selling her body in the streets and Bars/Pubs or in dancing places!
This applies also with the Philipines/Thai-women all met their hubbies in Night-clubs!
Third the behaviours of Kenyans in USA/EU/and elsewhere is Barbaric/Leviathan//Cruel and aggressive Primitivness!Most Kenyans thinks with their Dicks!
now we know who is wearing trousers in this country…lool. Next time simukuje kwney shamba la koloni tukae huko mapka asubuhi…