According to reports reaching KSB from the field, two Kenyan men, Tobias Aseka and Dereva Mwiko, have suddenly become homeless in Stockholm, prompting good Samaritans to come to their rescue. Tobias (popularly known among close friends as “Tobby”) is a paperless refugee while Dereva aka Derek was married to a white Swedish woman who threw him out of the apartment after a series of “domestics” that went out of control.
Tobby was being housed by Stella (a Kenyan woman in her 30s) following an agreement reached between the two. According to a friend who spoke to KSB on condition of anonymity, everything seemed to have been working like clock-work. However, an agent handling the storo reported that trouble started when the woman returned home from work and discovered that Tobby had emptied the fridge of all beers during the day.
What is known is that Stella knew that Tobby is a devoted swallower when she accepted him in her crib because they met during a joint swallow. However, when she came home one day, she became furious when she could not find a single kinywaji in the fridge after the day’s work. She then began to question Tobby as to why he had emptied the fridge without replenishing it as per the laid down kitchen rules which dictated that “one kinywaji out, another one in” as soon as possible.
Agents who have been digging the storo say that Tobby swallowed the last remnants in the fridge, believing that he would be able to rush to the liquor store and re-stock but unfortunately, he was late and arrived at the store just as it was closing down for business. He didn’t expect a very big problem because he had a “Plan B”.
He offered to take Stella to a local pub as compensation but she refused, arguing that she had tuned herself to relax on her soft leather sofa as she watched a movie on her 42 inch plasma TV, sipping a cold one after a sumptuous meal. “You have spoilt my whole evening”, the woman is reported to have said. “I am sorry dear”, Tobby is reported to have replied. “Don’t call me dear, you are playing with my brain”, she retorted as the evening tiff continued.
Although Tobby tried to play it cool because he knew the consequences of an exchange, the Kenyan woman began to remind him of a string of mistakes he had been making in the house lately. When he moved in, he used to clean the house and tidy up things without being told but after some time, he began to get lazy and the woman had to remind him of certain stuff that needed to be sorted out. One day, when Stella told him to cook ugali, he said that he was tired but after a lecture on how she was doing him a favour and blah blah blah, he apologized and fixed the meal.
Sources close to Stella say that she brought in Tobby because she needed someone to service her parts “without a lot of strings attached” although in the beginning, she posed as though she was just helping the boy with accommodation. Intel show that the woman had just broken up with her Swedish boyfriend and that she was in the process of “re-organizing her romantic life” when she bumped into the young and energetic Tobby during a swallow at one of the joints and she liked him. Stella then offered to help the poor Kenyan dude move from the refugee camp “to live a normal life in society”.
After a few weeks in Stella’s abode, Tobby reportedly whispered to a friend that he had moved from sleeping on the sofa into the woman’s bedroom and things looked rosy. Until he was shown the door last week, no one (apart from very trusted friends) really knew where Tobby lived neither was it possible to suspect that something was afoot between him and Stella.
However, it is known that Stella once complained to a confidant that Tobby “was increasingly growing horns” at about the same time that the woman confessed that the guy was “helping her cope with bodily demands”. It is believed that Tobby’s stay was connected to a “give and take” deal where he serviced Stella as a way of paying rent while the woman got her satisfaction “without strings attached”.
Some contacts believe that the “emptying of the fridge” is not the only reason why Tobby was thrown out. Sam Pippo close to Stella have been heard saying that the Kenyan lady is getting interested in a Nigerian guy and that she has been looking for a way of throwing Tobby out of her flat for weeks. They say that she may have capitalized on the “Fridge incident” to make her move because she is done with Tobby. The Kenyan dude is now being housed by a Good Samaritan from the mother land as he ponders his next move. He has appealed for help with alternative accomodation, saying that he is a victim of circumstances. When asked why he cannot return to the refugee camp, he said that he moved from northern Sweden where, he says, there are fewer opportunities compared to Stockholm.
The crisis with the dog
The case of Dereva, who was thrown out by his Swedish woman, is slightly different. It is reported that the couple has had a long standing feud based on several issues, the most remarkable being the woman’s opposition to Dereva’s habit of sending cash home to help family members.
A source working on the storo told a KISS agent that two months ago, the couple was in crisis after Dereva cancelled a holiday to the Bahamas to use the holiday cash to sort out a huge hospital bill incurred after his mother was admitted to a hospital in Kenya due to serious illness.
According to the Swedish woman, Dereva was not the “Ministry of Health” and that sorting out medical bills back in Kenya “should not be his business”. Although Dereva had his way, the missed holiday trip created a lot of tension in the relationship which never subsided completely.
Another big problem the couple has had is “the problem of the dog”. According to details unearthed by KSB, Dereva has been taking the dog for a walk at least four days a week (1 hour per session) while the woman takes her turn of 3 days because of her work schedule. When the couple met, it is reported that they had an agreement that the dog was “part of the family” and Dereva apparently accepted. He also accepted responsibilities that went with keeping the dog in the house and the deal was sealed with a long sweet kiss.
In the beginning, things were working quite well although Dereva continued to report to Kenyan friends that he was not happy with the dog thing and that he accepted the deal because he had “never tasted a whitie”.
The matter became serious when one day, the woman came back from “dog walk” and confronted Dereva with information that a Swedish neighbor (also a regular dog-walker) had reported that the guy never picks up dog shit during his rounds. In the meantime, Dereva was increasingly finding it difficult taking the “dog walks” especially during winter and he had asked for a re-negotiation of the dog part of the deal, arguing that in Kenya, he was never brought up with “dog walking” as a habit.
On realizing that the Kenyan was trying to backslide on the deal, the Swedish woman began to claim that if Dereva didn’t love the dog, then he didn’t love her either and for some time, the argument revolved around the question as to whether Dereva’s expected love for the dog translated into love for the woman. When Dereva eventually called it a day and refused to participate in the dog project, the woman went berserk.
She claimed that Dereva had cheated and used her and that she always knew that the guy never loved her. According to details, the woman claimed that Dereva used her to settle a debt of 50k at Kronofogden (debt collection agency) and that once that bill was sorted out, he began “to show his true colours”. Cunning Dereva had apparently lured the woman to take a Bank loan to help sort out the debt and she swallowed it like nyama choma.
Recently, the arguments increased “beyond control” and Dereva was thrown out of the house. Although he is currently homeless and is being housed by a good Kenyan Samaritan, Dereva is reported to be happy because, according to sources close to him, he has “eliminated a major headache” in his life. KSB is trying to track down the Swedish woman for her version of the storo.
Sometimes back, the Swedish national TV broadcast the case of a Kenyan woman who was homeless with a little child and who was also looking for a place to stay. Cases of homelessness are becoming common in Sweden due to deepening economic crisis, domestic problems, social delinquency and other difficult circumstances.
Okoth Osewe
About the Author
Walking a white woman’s dog so as to sleep with her coz the guy had never tasted white pussy?This is too pathetic.
Osewe, how do you get these storos? Why only write about Udako? (stuff deleted)
KSB: Whatz: Looks like you are new in town yeah! Why do you write in a language not understood? Not everybody hails from Kerugoya you know. I am an Author and in case you are looking for my other stuff, it’s here: http://mapambano.com/pages/stores.htm . There are Sam Pippo called KISS agents (KSBs Intelligence Secret Services) who bring them storos to KSB. I rarely call anyone unless it’s very necessary so get this right. KSB is constantly fed by Wakenya so write this on your wall and repeat it until you master. By the way, are you still in Örebro? Storos at KSB are for entertainment only so don’t take them too far otherwise you will enter into deep depression. Keep in touch and either, make it in English, Swahili or Sheng next time. Lastly, read KSBs FAQ and the disclaimer then you will be at peace for ever and everybody will be happy as we await for Jesas Karast to come and save us here in Stocky. Have a nice day.
Whatz, what about all the most recent (in November alone) serious non-udaku storos by Osewe?:
How Was Mr. Daniel Mwaura Elected Councilor in Bortkyrka?;
Does William Ruto understand the main forces behind his predicament?; Ambassador Bethwel Kiplagat’s Exit from KTJRC Was Long Overdue
Acha kuchokoza Osewe and read KSB in peace.
KSB: Njamba, I think Whatz has a lone agenda. I suspect that he/she may be working for Ambassadero Puritikas or some enemy forces.
Promotion from the sofa into the bedroom is what brought the paperless man problems.His bedroom job seemed not to have met the landlady’s standards. he must have also developed a macho attitude thinking that he had conquered her,given that he was bonking her.
Dereva shuld be laky his debt of 50000kr was paid by the swedish woman + he can now be hapi to have had sex with a white wo,man.he has paid his deb´t by servicing the woman and walking her dog.