The management of KSB wishes to announce that there has been a new “scandal leak” at KSB’s deport. In an early morning attack by “Al-Wanaskandali”, several Kenya-Stockholm scandals which have been locked at the depot for months are believed to have escaped and are now doing the rounds in greater Kenya-Stockholm. The stated aim of Al Wanaskandali is to ensure that all scandals locked at KSB deport zimetembezwa.
Using sophisticated SMS-propelled grenades and strategic email rockets, suspected members of Al-Wanaskandali attacked KSB’s main “Scandal depot” located at the western wing of the storage facility where 23 scandals were being stored. An underground tank where “Scandals of Mass Personality Destruction”are stored was not affected. The attack took KSB’s security forces by total surprise and as we went to press, it is not yet clear as to how many scandals escaped following the surprise attack.
KSB personnel are still trying to assess the damage while an emergency meeting of KSB’s top brass is planned over the week-end to assess the situation and to decide on what needs to be done. One proposal is that the government of KSB may have to declare next week a “Kenya-Stockholm Scandal Week” because it is feared that some members of Al-Wanaskandali who masterminded the attack may be having in their pocession several explosive scandals that they might try to detonate in order to create panic.
As a consequence, KSB may have to conduct some “controlled explosions” so as to limit the damage in case Wanaskandlai try to explode explosives already in their custody.
According to a scandal that was intercepted at Vasagatan in Stockholm, a Kenyan woman has fallen in love with the son of her ex Jungu hubby who helped her fix papers. After dumping the father for “Non performance” in the bedroom allegedly due to “advanced age”, the woman settled for the son, an act which has outraged the woman’s closest friends who are concerned that by falling in love with her ex hubby’s son, the woman is committing an abomination and violating the African tradition which prohibits members of society from engaging in romantic relationships with people perceived to be their relatives directly or indirectly. A team of KSB security services arrested a member of Al-Wanaskandali as she was on her way to Vasa Temple to explode the scandal.
Breast Feeding
In another case, a Kenyan has ballooned a paperless Kenyan lady after he reportedly engaged in several “trial sessions” of her precious goods to test them. It is not clear when the “accident” occurred but what is known is that the Kenyan is currently in deep crisis because the girl has refused to discuss possibilities of an abortion arguing that she is a Christian and that the last she can do is to think about “committing an act of murder” by aborting the unborn child.
Behind the scenes, it is reported that the chick has been advised by Kenya-Stockholm veterans to ensure that she carries the pregnancy “to term” because her papers now rests on whether or not she will be able to deliver. They say that the Kenyan must take responsibility for his actions and that there is no need of abandoning the lady at a critical time when she is pregnant and therefore needs maximum support.
The Kenyan bull has been in several romantic crises with different women although this latest one is said to be “the most serious”. The Kenyan bull does not want Kenyans to know that he has been hanyaring the girl because of possible charges of exploiting a paperless girl from his own country.
In yet another developing story, a Kenyan lady surprised her friends in her flat when she began to breast feed her child in front of her shocked friends to prove to them that she was not suffering from Aids. Propaganda has been doing the rounds in Kenya-Stockholm that the Kenyan lady has Aids and since HIV positive mothers do not suckle their young, the lady found it necessary to prove her HIV negative status by feeding her baby with milk directly from her breasts. The Management of KSB will update readers as the situation develops. The scandal leak is the worst crisis KSB has ever faced in recent times.
Okoth Osewe
About the Author
I live in the US and I must say that Stockholm Kenyans have the juicests scandals…..so entertaining. Sometimes I believe it’s all fiction but then again….I guess it’s non fiction….
Connie, am telling you some of the scandals in Stockholm are too hot they would set this forum on fire. It’s good you are enjoying the entertainment and believe me, they are true. The same woman who shifted from father to son is also known to be trading her flesh for extra income. She once said that it is a matter of washing her holy shrine with soap, then giving it to her husband.
Nothing has made me laugh more than the story about the woman who had to shove her breast down the throat of her poor baby to drive away the suspected HIV scandal. Suspected Kenyans have been known to produce certificates of “cleanliness” at the Vasa Temple to prove that they are HIV-free.
KSB: The main worry is that once the scandals escape from the depot following persistent attacks, members of Al-Wanaskandali begin to modify them, add details, twist them or add some chilly paper before firing their versions. I can confirm that we have a major crisis this week.
what sense does it make to hold the scandals in a depot when they are true and brought out in good journalistic work?….they will appear in public sooner or later..its not that when ksb hold them back that people will not know them…therefore the community loves gossip and scandals too much..lol
KSB: Knut, they are normally released but not all at once because this would choke the community. These stories are for fun and remember, KSB is not a newspaper employing journalists. Its a blog although Sam Pippo think that it’s more of a Kenyan media than just a blog where the blogger comes to play.
Well, what to say… These scandals are what make the community go round. Who would dare disagree that Kenyans at home and/or in the diaspora are crazy fans of Soap operas on TV, men and women alike.
Although our particular breed of it in the Kenya-Stockholm community can overwhelm. Save for recent tales such as the New Zealand murder drama, or even “Njoroge the horny toad” for whom we just lack words. But an African in a relationship with father and son?? Oh i know, that son is sick!!!
Concerning the case of HIV/Aids breastfeeding. Well, inasmuch as am technical, I am neither a bacteriologist nor a virologist for that matter. But I believe I am quite well informed about the virus. We know that due to it, we cannot ask about old friends and relatives when we go back home as neighbourhoods and villages have been swept down to “gunda” as we Luos call it. So we can only give thanks to the Most high for the few that we are able to meet, share a meal, laugh, a beer if not two.
My point is, we Africans face this ‘problem’ on a regular basis and like Tony Odera put it a few days (if not weeks ago), even we in the diaspora still carry this burden more than we think.
Without presenting a novel for a contribution, I can recall reading a very uplifting and inspiring article on the online edition of the Nation over a year ago. It raised the particular issue of Hiv/Aids and breastfeeding.
A Hiv-positive mother by the name of Gloria Kabura had been breastfeeding her prematurely born baby who actually did not contract the virus for that matter. Gloria was trully a heroine infront of my eyes and Like Prof. Obel’s tale, this case seemed to me like material holding potential for some cutting edge research in tackling and containing of the Hiv/Aids virus. read on…
-ja-K’Ochia
ps: my point being the lady who maybe seems to be a scandalous laughing stalk could infact be a heroine in a parallel universe!
http://www.nation.co.ke/News/-/1056/445404/-/tj29h5/-/index.html
Meanwhile this video is for humor as you digest the scandals. U can’t drag a Kenyan from his beer:
Brayo, your intervention is good but the World Health Organization recommends that in the developed countries, HIV infected women should AVOID breastfeeding and the rule applies to Sweden. In the poor countries where replacement feeding is unavailable to poor women, then breastfeeding is recommended if the woman is on regular ARVs. Read on:
Each year an estimated 150 000 infants are infected with HIV-1 through breastfeeding. The vast majority of these transmissions occur in under-resourced settings (1). Breastfeeding is a well recognized significant route of mother-to-child transmission of HIV. The World Health Organization recommends that “where replacement feeding is acceptable, feasible, affordable, sustainable and safe, HIV-infected women should avoid breastfeeding”.
(2) However, in many low- and middle-income countries, these criteria for replacement feeding are not met, and breastfeeding remains the only option available to most HIV-infected women. Earlier guidance for HIV-infected women who elected to breastfeed recommended exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months of the infant’s life, followed by rapid weaning, thereby decreasing the duration of exposure to breast milk and hence lowering the risk of HIV transmission.
(3) However, research subsequently showed that, in under-resourced settings, rapid weaning was associated with increased infant morbidity and mortality. Hence, it is now recommended that if criteria for replacement feeding are not met at 6 months, breastfeeding should continue along with the introduction of complementary foods.
http://apps.who.int/rhl/hiv_aids/Cd006734_Mnyanicn_com/en/index.html
I think the desire to brush off hovering scandals do make people panic and look for solutions to stem them publicly. The woman who breastfed her child must have been out to prove that she was clean. Why was this strange? Because in Sweden, HIV+ woman are advised NOT to breastfeed. It was therefore unusual for her guests to see her breastfeeding the infant, given that there have been suspicions doing rounds about her HIV status. Had this taken place in Kenya, chances are that none would have bothered because it is normal there for many HIV+ women.
Thanks for yours Caro, I concur. Just to add on it, according to the article, the researches recommended breastfeeding on the condition that the mothers are punctual with their ARV intake along with prophylactic treatment for the infant. Let me just take a while and have a deeper look at the link you provided.
Easy to say.Infact what alternative do this women have apart from breastfeeding.As a mother of 5,I think cheap and quality food to babies should be found.Babies are the most sensitive,hardest and expensive human to feed and maintain.Most HIV-mothers can not afford these supplements.We should come up with ideas about how we can help them instead.Another way is may be to think about our traditional ways.How did the old mid-wives do to save babies?
The Kenyan who has impregnated the paperless woman is known to be a braggart who calls himself a Specialist and feels is above other Kenya-Stockholmers. How come he never used his expertise to know that having sex without protection causes pregnancy? He is now in a crisis while the paperless lady is constantly praying and thanking God for this fortune. Papers are definitely on the way for her, but the Expert wants her to abort.
Close links say she is staying put with the pregnancy even under a recent threat from the man. The Expert said to a very close friend that he regrets not having seen the lady’s trap.
However, having been on his own for a while, he believed that the paperless woman was a welcome relief. She is a wizard in the kitchen and new that the way to this true son of the soil’s heart was through various African cuisine that charmed him all the way into his own bed. After pledging her loyalty and reassuring him that she was Virus free, the condom issue did not arise.
This crisis comes a few months after the man had declared a much needed truce with his ex. Too bad because a close friend says he has resorted to the bottle to ease up the frustrations he faces from the paperless woman’s pregnancy. He still thinks he will settle for marriage with a better woman. LOL!
Wow!I guess the HIV+ Woman must have shocked her audience big time, just pulling out the breast like that: Then again, when will we learn not to really care about the rumours? If you are Infected who’s business is it if not yours, why go through the such extremes just to prove people wrong? Who is more important, the people or the health of your innocent lovely newborn? Why not let people believe what they want to believe: Poor child, let’s hope the mum is not infected. Though the percentage of a mother transmitting the infectious virus to the infant throught breast feeding is very slim, people should not use this as a certificate to prove their HIV status, why not go for the blood test get the results then frame it and hang it on the sittingroom wall then throw a huge bash and invite all the speculants,thus proving them wrong in style. This mother should know that this baby has rights too, right to be infection free even if the mother is tainted.
About the Kenyan bulldog impregnating a papperless Girl: I think it’s a high time these men stop using these vunerable girls in the name of pappers: Some weeks back it was the scandal of the hepatities man now this.It’s of no use to use somebody knowing very well that you will not and cannot deliever what is required. I’d say shame on him for calling this a trap? How can he call this a trap when he was clearly enjoying the goods he was being served, surely he should have known that unprotected causual sex can and does leads to unwanted pregnancy. I think this man is just some disorganised fellow, who thinks with part of the body instead of using his brain. He should take his responsibilty towards this poor girl and the unborn baby who will soon be a reality. It’s a pitty these people cannot be named here, we would really like to know these misfits we have amongst us. There should be a compaign on better ways of settling down in this country, this papper thing is really traumatising; I always say everybody who is not born in this country has a story to tell.
KSB: Very mature views in deed on the two subjects. We look forward to your further in-put.
So what did the Kenyan Specialist expect? If he had sex without condoms, then he should not panic for delivering his sperms into the paperless woman’s womb. He laid his bed, so should sleep in it.
The woman is a schemer who had been very strategic in targeting single or unattached Kenyan men for the sole purpose of becoming pregnant. Now that she is pregnant, let the man deal with it. After all, we need more members in Kenya-Stockholm. He is lucky the outcome is not a deadly disease.
Please, tell me how can one trap an old he goat? What happened to old being wise!Brothers please padlock those pants and avoid giving those lame excuses, Lady X its better to be a single mother than getting stuck to a JERK!
Go and rot in hell Dr. Andy Njeru for conning innocent girls.