I read our sister’s comments with utter indignation and bewilderment. At this day and age when everyone is calling for the emancipation of both people of color and gender, one of our sisters comes along and loudly states that we are all subscribing to Western culture by refusing to accept the practice of battering women into submission. She moreover sees no issue in that certain men are prone to the use of terror in a desperate attempt at subjugation. Make no mistake, physical violence is the worst form of terror there is. Victims of this kind of violence are unsure of when the next blow will be delivered and live in a state of being perpetual afraid and forced docility, being effectively transformed into walking and taking zombies. I wonder who would like a life partner of this sort.
Our sister most certainly needs enlightenment and emancipation from her asocial attitude that reflects on the state of her self-esteem. A lesson in history may perhaps begin the process of her re-assimilation into civilized society. Before African societies were colonized, violence towards the weak and especially those closest to you was not tolerated. Men who beat on their wives or children were ostracized and paid heavy fines if they were to be accepted back into the fold. This is because women were recognized as the nucleus of the family and at the very core of cohesive society. Then the colonialist came along with his definition of civilization where the African was defined as sub-human, related to the beasts of the field.
The African was also treated as such. Beatings and other atrocities were meted out often and with impunity. All in the name of subjugating the African into obedience without question. This treatment robbed the African man of his manhood and he was indoctrinated him into believing that this kind of treatment built character. Soon whips were cracking and howling their message in African homes spelling the end of our civilization as a people. The colonialist looked on with satisfaction at his creation, reasoning that this was to be expected because any race of people NOT springing from the Homo sapiens would rather die defending love ones than chastise them as heavily as their conquerors did. It went only to confirm what was widely seen at the time as modern anthropology in the home countries of the colonialist. Western scientists had advanced their theory of the races where the African was described as being mentally inferior and processing the intelligence of a European child. This “scientific fact” has been passed down to the descendants of the colonialists even to this age, and is used behind the scenes to explain the failures in our countries and lives in general.
With this same history lesson in mind, our sister plays into the hands of those that would label us as savages and uncivilized. She actually confirms the biased notion of the African being intellectually inferior, especially so being a woman that is advocating for the use of violence on women. Makes on sense at all! I urge our sister to reconsider her stand, if not; the best contribution she would make to our society is sign up as a study for one of our African brothers or sisters in the fields of psychology and psychiatry. This would make a fine contribution and afford the African community acclaim in the advancement of the study of post-traumatic stress syndrome of which most definitely ails Kenyan Madona.
Milton Muigai
About the Author
At present, many Africans seem to accept wife beating as part and parcel of the African culture.
For example, in the mid 1980s, an attempt was made to introduce a bill against wife beating in the Kenyan Parliament (Worrau, 1984). It led to a very fierce debate in which, according to Worrau, the protagonists of wife beating won the debate. They argued that the phenomenon was part and parcel of the African Culture. Also, see Ilevbabor (2004). Indeed Ilevbabor asserts that some African men believe that women enjoy being beaten.
Women in Pre-colonial Africa
It is necessary to caution initially, that a detailed discussion of the position or status of women in the pre-colonial or other periods in Africa is beyond the scope of this work. However, a few examples will be highlighted to elucidate our understanding of conjugal relationship and domestic violence in Africa during this period.
It is tempting to romanticize the pre-colonial period in Africa as the “good old days” when women enjoyed unprecedented political powers and were almost on the same status as men. However, a deeper examination of the period also reveals that women, as wives were victims of violence which was unleashed on them through some traditional practice.
Some Consequences of Wife Battery
The consequences of wife battery could be rather devastating not only for the individual victims but also for the society as a whole. Those women who are abused suffer both physically and emotionally. For example, data from many parts of the world, including those from Africa reveal that physical attacks sometimes leads to death or permanent disfigurement.
The United States department of Health and Human Services (1983) assert, for example that about 25% of all murders in the United States take place within the family. The same source reveals that between 20-25 % have suffered violence regularly.
In some African countries, it is common to read in the newspapers, accounts of how some enraged husbands beat their wives to death.
http://www.bridgew.edu/SoAS/JIWS/Nov07/FamilyViolenceAfrica.pdf
Domestic Violence in Kenya
Married women said they are slapped, kicked, punched, clobbered with sticks, attacked (cut) with machetes or pangas, burnt with glowing firewood, or strangled/smothered by their partners. This happens mainly at night, and usually when the men are drunk or angry with the wives for various reasons. They attributed the violence to:-
Men’s refusal to provide for the family.
Most men, they say, are idle and lazy, and do nothing to contribute to the family income. Yet they expect to find food at home. When the women complain or urge them to help, they start talking about their rich past and get very violent.
Drunkenness.
Some men sell off the meagre harvests, or steal their wives’ wages earned from casual labour to buy beer. Some even sell relief food.
Promiscuity.
Some men go with prostitutes, or women in the neighbourhood, especially in camp situations where idleness, crowding and lack of privacy encourage sexual relations. When their wives complain, they are beaten, and sometimes verbally abused by the men, blaming them and saying nasty, humiliating things like ‘You are old, you don’t bathe, you stink!!’ to explain away their waywardness. Others accuse their wives of having affairs, especially if they are late to come home in the evenings.
Abstinence or refusal to have sex among women.
Some women who know their spouses or lovers have multiple sex partners sometimes refuse to have sex for fear of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS. Their partners refuse to use condoms and beat them up, accusing them of having other lovers. They finally end up raping them. Other women refuse to have sex to prevent unwanted pregnancies, especially when they are not using any forms of contraception. Catholics are not supposed to use any forms of preventive measures, while others have no money to buy them or have them fitted in clinics.
“My husband beats me almost every day. I try very hard to make him happy, but he always finds reason to quarrel and beat me. Some times he comes home with other women and makes me cook for them and later I have to sleep on the floor, as there is only one bed. This hurts me very deeply. He does not give me any money, even to buy food for his ‘visitors’. I don’t like what has happened to my marriage. I am not happy any more. I cannot leave him, because he is all I have. Where would I go? Besides, who else would want me? I pretend not to see or think of his sexual behaviour. He has never told me to pack and go, so it means he still loves me and wants me. I don’t think I will get AIDS from my husband. I pray to God every day and since He (God) rescued me during the clashes, He will protect my husband and I from that terrible disease! I provide for my husband like he is one of my children, or a visitor, and just seeing him every day is all I ask.
Low self-esteem.
Battered women have very low self-esteem. Some are still traumatized by what they witnessed or underwent during the clashes, and perhaps have no other relatives except their abusive partners. They are trapped in unhappy, abusive relationships because they are too poor to move out, or because they need the social security, respect and psychological satisfaction of having the ‘protection’ of one’s own husband. Some are afraid of the stigma of being divorced, while others are afraid of loneliness. They lack the courage to walk out, believing the man will ‘change’. Most battered women are very unhappy and confused about what course of action to take. They hate the violence and its causes, yet cannot bring themselves to let go. Even the spectre of HIV/AIDS is not deterrent enough. There are also women who believe it is all right to be battered, that wife-beating is an expression of love and appreciation, that the men notice them!
http://www.internal-displacement.org/8025708F004CE90B/(httpDocuments)/AC9FF23206714211802570B700594125/$file/UNIFEM+_dispossessed+women+report_.pdf