According to a survey by KSB, 13 Kenyan women resident in Stockholm were pregnant by the end of December last year. Out of this number, seven have already given birth to bouncing babies while six others are still ”heavily ladden” with kids waiting to be brought into the world at any time. Out of those women who have given birth, two live in Huvudsta, one in Bålsta, two in Norsborg one in Alby while another one resides in Märsta. A Kenyan lady who recently spewed a baby wondered why KSB has not been reporting on the important activity of child bearing among Wakenya in Stockholm. Here we go although on a rather humorous bent!
The number of Kenyan women who have been filled up since the beginning of last year is huge when compared to the tiny Kenyan population in Stockholm. It is a sign that Kenyan men and other bulls attached to Kenyan women have been working very hard to ensure that the population of the community in Stockholm is sustained at all costs. It is rumoured that many kids are normally put together during winter, time when many men find it difficult to venture out especially if it begins to rain snow days on end. Some women who have not been seen in public for ages suddenly emerged with swollen tummies, signs that their men might have been up to some “underground Movement” mainly co-ordinated in the dark of the night.
“Ohhh…! so you are expecting… I didn’t know….congratulations”, you ooze after getting surprised that a female friend you know too well has been so lost only to emerge in an interesting shape. As you inquire about the day of the “big download”, you silently admit that whoever is responsible (whom you might be knowing so well) has really been doing some tizzi in the ka training room. Even if you don’t know, don’t ever ask “who is the budasi” of the unborn because then, you might be suggesting that the expectant mother might have been involved in some kinda “accident” especially if she has no known bull surfing her sites.
Some Kenyan ladies change them like diapers and when you suddenly bump into her “filled up”, you begin to scratch your head or bite your fingers trying to figure out who could be responsible. You call a Kenyan colleague urgently to break the news and to try and increase your knowledge about the latest developments.
“nani amebeba. I met her today at H&M”. You are hoping that your contact has an answer because he/she is supposedly well informed. “Kwani hauna habari? Basi umelala. Si ye hupush na nani siku hizi. Kwanza hiyo ball imeleta noma ju nani ana claim eti siyo yake”. The gossip begins.
Some pregnant Kenyan women who were scanned by KSB were getting heavy for the first time while others are veterans who have all spewed fantastic kids currently attending nursery or other schools. The average Kenyan family in Stockholm has 1-2 kids. It looks like many Kenyan couples have become ”Swedenized” or ”Europeanized” when it comes to the business of making babies – they rarely go beyond two.
If you have one child, Kenyan Stockholmers hooked to ”gossip lines” say that you have a ”degree” in the field of making watoi. If you have two, then you have gone through your Masters. If you have three, it means that you have a Phd. Once you get to the fourth child in Stockholm, then you are seen as someone ”doing research” on children. In fact, a Kenyan in Stockholm herding five members of the tribe is considered a ”senior researcher” in the field. If this kinda couple gets the sixth kid, nobody is taken by surprise because when you begin to research on something, sky is the limit.
We take this opportunity to congratulate researchers like Mzee Yusuf of Uppsala and Mzee Jared Aroka who is currently in Kenya. Lenza Odhiambo deserves kudos for having acquired her Masters while we also wish to mention Mr. And Mrs Asum who have just graduated with a Phd. They have joined Makan (Phd) and the Osumbas who acquired their Phd long time ago. Kudos to Mr. And Mrs Laban Mberi who are on their way to entering the Phd bracket (anytime from now) and many others who will be named in the future.
According to the Kenya-stockholm adage, one is good, two – better, three – perfect, four – fantastic and five is just extra-ordinary. Don’t ask about six because up here in the North pole, Kenyans with six kids are very rare. In other words, six is considered golden and seven is just extreme (like the Islamic fundamentalists).
According to Kenyan ”Baby Professors” in Stockholm, at the degree level, you have just learnt how to make babies ie you have learnt the art of ”playing God” by making another human being. At the masters level, you have understood the process and gained so much confidence that you dare making another one. At the Phd level, you have gained some addiction and become immune to responsibility that goes with the business. Pundits have it that once you get to the Phd level, you are opening the gates of a possible research session.
Whether it is one, two, three etc, another issue is your area of speciality – male or female. You begin to specialize at the Masters level. If you have two boys at this level, then you are specializing in males and vice versa. If you have male and female at this level, then you have combined two specialities. If you have three and two are females, then you are an expert in making females and so fourth. Some Kenyans who have specialized in males have posited that if you want one, you need to think hard when you are going for the examination mostly conducted deep into the night!
COMPETITION BETWEEN KENYAN AND WEST AFRICAN MEN
The sequence in which Kenyan women have suddenly been filled could explain the long retreat of some Kenyan men from the scene. They have been working hard, reading the latest books to get the thesis just right. If you spot a Kenyan woman who has suddenly ”put on weight”, you might be right. The first few months are normally very confusing especially to singles who have never been there. But for those who have gone through the lectures, it is easy to notice that your pal has been ”pumping hard” as people sleep.
Some Kenyans now believe that there is a serious competition between Kenyan and West African men. The situation is so serious that last year, some Kenyan men called an emergency meeting at Vasa (a popular hole) to try and understand why there was an increase in the number of Kenyan ladies who were being snatched by West Africans when it was clear that many handsome and responsible Kenyan men were basically ”womenless”.
There was no answer to the puzzle although others theorized that Kenyan women who were going for West African men were on some kinda adventure. Then the main problem surfaced. Majority of Kenyan women who had been taken by West Africans began to increase weight one by one. With time, it became obvious that these women were not just being fed excess fufu (an equivalent of Ugali). The West Africans were definitely playing some complicated games whether through juju, gold chains or just pure man-power.
This development came at a time when the Kenyan community was also hit with a series of divorces as relationships collapsed without notice, families broke down as the prospect of new babies were also cancelled. Although the phenomena was blamed by men on the Swedish system, Kenyan men could not explain why their women who had fallen on West African arms were suddenly getting ballooned at an alarming rate. Is it that Kenyan men could no longer fire or what was the main problem?
At the Vasa meeting, a major resolution by Kenyan men was that they would embark on a process aimed at demonstrating the virility of Kenyan males. What this meant was that the men would try to convince their ribs to increase weight in order to counter the propaganda that was circulating that Kenyan men ni bure kabisa.
A complicating factor is that during the period when Kenyan women were looking ”West” for mapenzi, many Kenya men were on the brink of alcoholism, a factor that was also associated with relationships that were breaking down. It is against this background that the current ”Kenya baby boom” needs to be understood. The boom is good for the community. KSB congratulates all Kenyans and those attached to our motherland who have been doing good work ”after hours”.
There is need for a prize for the Kenyan couple or family ”holding the record” on the kids front during a specific period of time. Wazee wa Kazi should sit down and discuss this issue because it could be of ”national importance”, given that the community needs to increase its population in Sweden.
Okoth Osewe
NOTES.
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