One thing our readers need to know is that at KSB, we like going to war and we are always ready for war. Like any other regime, we always prepare for war during peace time because from experience, we know that in politics (which we deal in), war is always around the corner. We don’t apologize for anything you read at KSB (because 98% is the truth) while we attack when we are under attack. When you attack us with a “Mfupi rocket”, we hit back with a “Kipara Missile” or any other weapon available.
Very few of our enemies understand how we operate. We have a unit called “KSB Military Intelligence” which updates KSB leadership from time to time about the war situation in the field or about possible threats from different quarters.
Readers who have been following events at the site probably know that we have been fighting our “Third Cyber War” (3rd TCW). We fought the first Cyber war in 1999 and the second war happened in 2002. From these past wars, we gained lots of experience.
We are like the Hezbollah which is cool during peace time and fires during war time. Those who think that one day, there will be no fire from KSB are probably insane. If there is a biblical saying we trust, it is “a tooth for a tooth” and “an eye for an eye”.
We don’t turn the other cheek when we are hit. We smash your other cheek very hard and those who have not yet noticed this principle should take cue. We don’t love our enemies. We seek to destroy them using any weapon in the armory because this is the principle of war.
We spend a lot of time studying the enemy. The enemy tactics are constantly put into focus, the enemy weapons are continuously evaluated, the enemy strategy assessed from time to time and so fourth. At the same time, we constantly develop new weapons through extensive research.
At the moment, we are at war. We have faced attacks from at least two new enemies, forcing us to acquire new and deadly weapons. For example, we recently announced the acquisition of the “Kawangware Church missile” and the enemy went berserk.
Another “Church propelled missile” we acquired was the “2.5 million scud missile” aimed at a new regime seeking to set up an “Axis of Satan” against KSB. As we write, we have just tested the “Stolen Kawangware Matatu missile” which is also “Church propelled” although we don’t know how the enemy will react to this announcement. We need to warn a notorious enemy that we might soon have to fire the “abandoned Kid rocket” if it becomes necessary.
Other weapons in the armory include the “Anti-Kley tactical Missile”, the “Tax evasion Blog to Blog Missile”, the “Afris ballistic missile” and the “Family breaker surface to surface missile”.
When Clay Onyango fired the “Kafupi missile” we were surprised. An attack on KSB using this missile is also an attack on all Wakenya who are “vertically challenged”. We thought that if we don’t respond with equal fire, next time, fat Wakenya (horizontally challenged if you are fashionable) might come under attack followed by Wakenya Warefu.
In fact, all Wakenya Wafupi need to join hands and organize a demonstration outside the Office of Mr. Clay Onyango for suggesting that Wakenya Wafupi are suffering from “inferiority complex” and that they are always trying to compensate for their height by “making noise” in the Internet.
Wakenya Wafupi should even call for a boycott of Clay’s business if Mr. Clay cannot publicly withdraw the remark because an attack on one Mkenya mfupi is an attack on all Wakeya who never made it vertically. You don’t expect Wakenya wafupi to use manure on their shoes so that they can grow tall because being long or short is a matter of biology or DNA. Wakenya should not tolerate people who continue to undermine others on the basis of biology which is beyond human control. Nobody chose to be long or short, fat or thin, deaf or dumb etc.
Another issue. Imagine you have a very trusted friend who invites you to his flat for some really hot gossip. You arrive, demolish ugali, sometimes with sukuma or chickling with hot soup. As you swallow, you piga mastory and laugh together in a moment of pleasure.
Then, without notice, you enter into crisis with your Mkenya friend who has been generous with Ma Ugali. Before you even understand what the problem is all about, you begin to read about yourself in the Internet.
The story goes like this. “Osewe used to swallow ugali at my place and now he is saying this and that about me. Why was he not attacking me when he was at my place demolishing one othonge after Othonge”.
If you are still lagging behind, “Othonge” is the Luo word for the huge lump of Ugali you cut before you make a hole into it with your thumb to scoop “chickling” (read Chicken) soup as you prepare to make a gigantic swallow. Jameni.
What has happened to Wakenya? According to the Kenyan culture, someone who comes and eats at your place is a gem as far as friendship is concerned. Who will eat at your place after going public at a blog attacking a former friend using food he/she ate at your den. Are some Wakenya insane or has the cold snow Ulayani transformed some people’s brains to think in the opposite direction?
When I eat at a friend’s den, I never imagine that the food I swallow might one day be converted into a “scud missile” against me at times of war. I have fought three Cyber Wars but this time, it was the first time that an enemy used the “Ugali Missile” as a potent weapon to try and destroy me.
I was so shocked that I had to go for a shower to cool down wondering whether I need to reconsider where I swallow ugali especially if I have been invited. The good news is that despite having demolished Kilograms of ugalis from friends, I am not worried if I enter into crisis with an old pal and I will continue to crush ugalis at every opportunity. However, you have been warned. Next time when you take a bite, remember what happened to Osewe.
Okoth Osewe
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