Kenyan Goes Underground After Beating Ex-Wife Sensless

Mashaka, a middle-aged Kenyan dude, may have disappeared into the underground to escape from a police dragnet after he allegedly hurt his ex wife Magbeth who has since been taken into safe custody together with the couple’s two children apparently to remove them from harm’s way. Although the couple split up many months ago, and although Mashaka has been nestling alone in a separate flat, he retained the house keys under some unknown agreement with his ex during the split.

Since he had access to the flat, it is understood that Mashaka used to sneak into the house at night to benefit from “sympathy mhanyos” from the ex especially when experiencing “heavy manyege build-up” but that the situation changed after the ex attracted a new bull who took over the precious goods thereby locking off  Mashaka as a second-class consumer of the coveted goods.

The shock of losing the “post-break up benefits” allegedly took place one evening when Mashaka popped into the flat unannounced (after being warned to keep off because of serious romantic developments) and found his ex being serviced in his former bedroom by the new bull, a situation which reportedly created a huge crisis and thoroughly embarrassed both Magbeth and her new boyfriend.

According to reports constituted from different Kenya-Stockholm satellites, Mashaka is the last person her ex expected in the flat after falling for a new BF and when he showed up without notice, the new couple was on bed although the guy had reportedly not yet received green light to begin body-work because the lady was still inspecting the equipment. When Mashaka opened the door, there was pandemonium, prompting an immediate scramble by the couple for stuff to cover themselves. In the process, the guy allegedly managed to grab a towel which he wrapped around his waist before getting on his feet as the lady dived under the sheets.

When Mashaka first gathered rumours about a “replacement dude” who was allegedly fixing Magbeth’s delicate quarters, he thought he was a tiny minuscule of a person he could crush like njugu karanga (peanut) but when he examined the valleys of powerful muscles that crisscrossed the guy’s body from top to bottom, he became convinced that he could not survive a single battle with him under any circumstance because the guy looked like he had spent many hours in the gym lifting heavy steal-based metallic wheels.

Once he determined that his chances of winning any physical combat was zero, Mashaka decided to apply his remaining logic so he made “a tactical retreat” to evade the guy who is also suspected by Sam Pippo to be hailing from Kabila’s Zaire, a country known for guerrilla war, arms smuggling, mercenaries and blood diamonds.

In fact, it is whispered that Mashaka did not even put on his shoes at the door when he was fleeing from the flat because he wanted to be sure that he escapes so he allegedly carried his shoes with him. A “Hot gossiper” normally based at Vasa Temple in the evenings told KSB that, Mashaka told a confidant who leaked part of the storo that if the guy had caught up with him that evening, Kenyans may have had to call another harambee plus a memorial service at Bagarmossen Church because the guy apparently had the capacity to convert him into past tense without much effort.

Mashaka Having Sleepless Nights
Although Mashaka retreated “to fight another day”, the damage had been done because it eventually downed on him that he had lost opportunities of “emergency mhanyos” he had become addicted to and other similar arrangements which were apparently being tolerated by his ex with the hope that the two could “patch up things” and resume their relationship for the sake of the family. The split had been bitter because Mashaka is reported to have lost his job as part of collateral damage during their matrimonial crisis while family investment also crumbled under the huge weight of circumstances that led their marriage to hit the rocks before it eventually disintegrated.

The juicy Mashaka storo was harvested through a complicated network linked to a close relative of Mashaka who innocently downloaded all the files into the brain of a close friend who then ropokwad the tale unknowingly to another friend “during swallow” before a secret agent eventually got wind and sent an attachment to KSB. In fact, bits of the storo have been doing the rounds in different Kenya-Stockholm Networks and underground Radio stations mainly transmitting from Alby and Norsborg environs.

According to details, Mashaka has not brought himself up psychologically to accept the reality that Magbeth, his ex, can be hanyad after the split by another bull if she likes. Mashaka has been having sleepless nights since he learnt that the goods he used to consume liberally have been transferred into the custody of a rival bull who has been keeping the woman “squeaking with pleasure” as part of rehab in preparation for a new relationship.

When Mashaka eventually found “pants on the floor” near his former double-bed during a stupid “peep in” on the fateful day, he was devastated although there is little he could do because apart from his rival’s physical power, the bull appeared to have been eating good ugali as opposed to Mashaka who had grown thin and weak as if he was constantly on “Swedish potatis”, spaghetti and crazy soup after the split.

According to a source, Magbeth eliminated all possibilities of a re-union with Mashaka after she gathered rumours from Watu Wengine that after their split, the guy dashed to Kenya and hooked up a new chick whom he quickly ballooned secretly before boarding a Kenya Airways flight back to Stockholm. It is reported that Magbeth believes that the chick, who is cooling down in Kenya as her tummy swells by the hour, was ballooned as part of a new marriage scheme by Mashaka who, nevertheless, continued to enjoy sympathy mhanyos from her as if a re-union was still in the works.

When she discovered the underground movements her ex was engaged in, Magbeth decided to move on with life by opening up her strategic honey combs to “new prospects” before landing the Zairwa guy who has been “doing her” as part of a “Test drive” to enable her determine the guy’s romantic capabilities.

She wants to be sure that the guy is a “long distance sexthlete” because this is what she misses most. In other words, she doesn’t want a zombie who will deflate beside her after three minutes thereby creating a new relationship crisis and for this reason, the Zairwa guy was just about to be put on another trial session when Mashaka burst into the room. She was happy that the guy can crush Mashaka in any fight so she doesn’t have to worry about security.

SMS Propelled Grenades
In short, Magbeth decided to begin “window shopping” for new muscles she could engage when her spies told her that Mashaka had been spotted in Kenya and that he had engaged a new chick who had told her contacts that she would soon be flying to Sweden because her charms had mesmerized a “Kenya Diaspora businessman” who had installed a baby in her tummy as proof that their future as hubby and waifero was bound for ever. After he allegedly fixed a new woman in Kenya, Mashaka returned to Sweden to study moves by his ex and this is when he bumped into the Zairwa with Magbeth in his former bedroom.

When he could no longer put up with the new reality, Mashaka is said to have gone to the woman’s flat one evening, started a quarrel and began to beat her ruthlessly. When he was done, he left the flat before the woman mastered all remaining energy and called police. It is understood that when police arrived, the woman was in a very bad shape although KSB could not establish the extent of her injuries. At this point, a man hunt for Mashaka began as police seized the kids and whisked them to a foster home.

A source told KSB that the estranged couple has been engaged in a dirty inter-cell-phone war-fare using sophisticated SMS propelled grenades and mouth to mouth rockets which have been polluting the Kenya-Stockholm atmosphere in total disregard to the crucial climate talks currently going on in Copenhagen to save the planet. In the meantime, the guy has been banned from the woman’s flat, meeting the kids or taking contact with the woman as investigations continue.

Reports say that the guy may, most likely, lose the case if it comes before the court system because of massive evidence reportedly in the hands of police. The situation is so serious that the guy is reportedly planning to relocate to the UK to escape from Swedish justice. It is not clear how long the guy will remain in hiding or when the case is likely to come to court.

Okoth Osewe

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A blog for News and Events happening around Kenyans in Stockholm.

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