Strange White Stuff: The Flower Culture

You might have seen it before or even several times. A bouquet of flowers being handed out liberally at anniversaries, birthdays or holidays. If you have been to white cities, you will admit that the flower business is one of the most conspicuous and in summer, out-door flower sales are known to fetch millions of dollars annually. Flowers are not food to be eaten but they have a lot of meaning to white people.mothers-day-flowers

When other non white people in Asia, Africa, Latin America and elsewhere are starving because of failure to cultivate food, white people are spending millions of dollars on flowers to please friends or send “flower messages” to acquaintances. You can literally say anything with a flower – thank you very much, I love you, I am sorry, get well quickly, I empathize with you and what have you.

Don’t just buy any type of flower and rush to a white person with it to try and say something because different flowers mean different things. If you don’t understand this culture, you could end up saying “get well quickly” when you meant “I love you” just by purchasing and presenting the wrong kind of flower. If you are at the stage where you can’t even differentiate between the different kinds of flowers, ask the florist.

For example, if you are a non white male who is screwing a white lassie and she tried to monitor your movements leading to a tiff, zoom near a flower shop and buy some rose flowers. The flowers are not cheap but the good thing is that the more flowers you put in, the more you are saying that you love her despite the present crisis.

It is better if you can surprise her by timing when she is home, knocking the door and as she opens, she is confronted with a bunch of neatly packed flowers. Most likely, she will calm down and probably let you in. Others are not so much moved by flowers but have emotional attachments to stuff like chocolates so you can find out what the preference is and do the right thing. In fact, a bunch of flowers could save you from being dumped.

Once the flowers are presented and there is an obvious change in facial expression saying that they have been accepted, make the next move by saying you are sorry for what happened as you move closer. Then, make another serious move to kiss her on the lips with the flowers still on her hands and if this goes through, you are done. Sometimes it might not go through but if you are at the verge of losing her, its better to take a risk. These events should follow in quick succession and if you play it well, the flower will work out magic and you probably will get to terms very quickly. In fact, you might not leave the house without access to the goods to help put the past behind.

Although flower culture is believed to have spread to white people through Turkey, the strong emotional attachment of white people to flowers has led to the development of this culture and its spread further across the world. Now, you find people all over the world using flowers to impart unique messages to contacts.

Sunflower imparts pride and wealth while an olive depicts peace and a sense of security. If you give a Holly flower, it is for good wishes but if it is a situation which calls for consolation after some bad thing has happened to your white friend, give a Poppy. Don’t go there with a Daisy which is strictly for innocence or a Heather which is for solitude.

If you want to appreciate the worthiness of your white friend or to show him or her that you appreciate his or her inner strengths, make it a Fennel and see how the whitie melts. The impact of the kind of flower you chose will, of cause, depend on whether the whitie understands the meaning of the flower. There are some dumb whites who do not understand the flower dynamics so take care.

If you want to show a white girl that you admire her and you get an opportunity to give her flowers, surprise her with a Camellia because it is a symbol of loveliness, if not, perfection. A white friend who has just returned from Africa may be feeling brave so it might be time to get there with an Anemone. For heaven’s sake, never carry dead flowers (plastic) to a white person.

Watering flowers
A woman friend of mine bred in “foreign African culture” and who did not understand the emotional algebra of flowers found a lovely pack of plastic flowers and bought it for the new white boyfriend. The boy never called back. By presenting the dead plastic flowers, the girl was unconsciously sending the message that the relationship was dead. That is how strange it can get so be informed.flowers
Marigold sends the message that you care and is used mainly during times of sorrow – when something bad has happened to the whitie. When it is time to leave your white contact after some visit or may be, you got some free accommodation during a trip, you can try fixing a Rosemary which symbolizes remembrance. You don’t have to be educated about the Rose flower because that symbolism is universal – love and affection. This is the most selling and most popular flower among white people especially among couples.

Next time you spy a white person with a bunch of flowers wrapped up in some paper, don’t just think that the bundle was picked at random from the florist then packed. The purchase could be the product of consultations because the flowers could be intended for a very special function between the white person and the target.

The story does not end there. Almost every white person worth his/her salt has flowers growing around in the house. The flowers are watered at regular intervals to ensure that they don’t dry up. If a white person visits you in your flat and finds that there are no flowers, a slight depression might follow although they will never show it. If the whitie loves flowers, it will take an act of courage for you to be asked politely why you don’t keep flowers in the house. This is important. If you are invited to a Party when a white friend is moving into a new house, make sure you carry some flowers otherwise you will be a disappointment.

If you have flowers in your house and you forgot to water them, causing them to dry up, a white person might give you a classification of sorts – you could be lazy, forgetful, uncaring, unconcerned for how on earth can you spend money on flowers then leave them to dry up when you have water in the house?

Why did you buy them in the first place if you can’t water them? The white person knows the hassle involved in watering flowers and it takes strong emotional attachment on the part of the flower owner to remember to water them. Giving them water is like feeding little children who cannot help themselves.

Millions of non white people resident in white countries buy flowers and keep them in their houses just to try and “fit in”, not because of any attachments to flowers and this explains why many flowers kept in non white houses normally die on a routine basis. The funny part is that once they dry up because you forgot to feed them with water, you throw them away and buy new ones to dry up again and the cycle continues. Single non white dudes are the worst in watering flowers.

For the whitie, the situation is so serious that when a white person is going for holiday or will be away for long periods, you will be unlucky if you are the neighbor because you could be left the keys to water the flowers so that the whitie does not return to find that the flowers are dead. If the neighbor is some Nigger or some Arab who cannot be trusted with keys, the whitie might chose to leave the flowers in a bath tub with some water to feed the flowers.

In winter, the white man’s land is full of snow. Flowers in the house help to bring back life on a daily basis after coming from the biting cold and keeping them in the house could be good. For non white cultures, flowers are stuff that are left to grow outside and admired in the garden. But not so with white people. Irish flower is a symbol of hope while a Carnation stands for admiration and that’s it.

In the real world, the word grass is normally associated with marijuana but in the white flower world, it stands for usefulness. When happiness returns after a white person has suffered a catastrophe that brought sadness and intense suffering, it could be a good idea to pop up with a Lilly of the Valley.

Okoth Osewe

6 comments

  • And !
    what about our black sisters ?
    Money, money, money, and money again !!!!
    they are what i call “PIRATES”

  • This is going to be a great series! By the way, there’s an ongoing (and enlightening in a diff way) blog based in the US called “Stuff White People Do.” Maybe ideas for you there?

    KSB: No doubt you’ve seen it coming and thanks for the tips. It will be part of the fun at KSB and keep tuned.

  • Osewe u r a true scribe. You know the choice of words for each story.

    KSB: Thanks.

  • lol Osewe, na wewe unaona mambo kabisa

    KSB: join my fan club and feel welcome.

  • Prime minister Reinfeldt separates from wife
    Published: 7 Mar 12

    Swedish prime minister Fredrik Reinfeldt and his wife, Stockholm county council chair Filippa Reinfeldt, have separated, according to the prime minister’s press spokesperson Roberta Alenius.

    On Wednesday evening an email from the prime minister’s press office was sent out to the major news outlets in Sweden informing editors of the separation.

    “I would like to inform you that Fredrik and Filippa Reinfeldt have separated,” press spokesperson for Fredrik Reinfeldt, Roberta Alenius wrote, according to daily Expressen.

    In the statement, Alenius informed the press that the couple had separated but that Fredrik Reinfeldt would continue to be officially registered at the couple’s house in Stockholm.

    More than that she was not willing to disclose.

    “We have nothing more to say than what we have said in the statement, “ said Alenius to daily Aftonbladet on Wednesday evening.

    Alenius couldn’t say why the couple had decided to separate or if they are planning a divorce in the near future, according to the paper.

    The surprise revelation follows Tuesday’s announcement that the couple was moving house, selling the detached house in the Stockholm suburb of Täby that they had bought 13 years ago.

    Both Reinfeldts have successful political careers.

    Fredrik Reinfeldt has since 2006 headed Sweden’s centre-right coalition government, which is made up from his own Moderate Party, the Centre Party, the Liberal Party (Folkpartiet) and the Christian Democrats.

    Filippa Reinfeldt has held the post of Stockholm county council chair since 2006.

    However, political scientist Ulf Bjereld doesn’t expect the separation to affect either of the Reinfeldts’ careers.

    “It depends a little on the the circumstances but as it looks right now I don’t foresee any political consequences,” he told news agency TT.

    The couple got married in 1992 and lived in Täby until the 2006 election.

    When Fredrik Reinfeldt was made prime minister the couple moved to the official residence Sagerska Palatset in central Stockholm.

    TT/Rebecca Martin

  • Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular article!
    It’s the little changes which will make the biggest changes.

    Thanks for sharing!

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