Kenya Stockholm Blog

Strange White Stuff: Monitoring Spouses

SUNDAY SPECIAL:

Fall in love with a white male or female and you are probably in for 24/7 monitoring. A white

Monitoring in progress

girlfriend will ensure that she knows where you are and what you doing round the clock. When you are at work, she could call (on a daily basis) to know when you are coming home. She could begin by trying to find out how things are going at work but the hidden purpose could be to determine your estimated time of arrival home. Definitely, there are whites who have abandoned this kind of monitoring but the majority still do. If the relationship is new, the monitoring could be more intense.

The situation could be much more serious in case you intend to detour to Vasa or another hole after work and you didn’t plan it in advance. Apart from trying to establish your “road map” back home, she may also be interested in whose company you are going to be, what you are going to do, how long you expect to be there and the exact time you are expected back in the house to give her attention. The very act of leaving your spouse at home because you are drinking with your friends in the pub could be very strange to a whitie.

In dark-skinned cultures, you don’t always have to tell everything about your schedule to your spouse because the general rule is that anything can come up in the space of time and even if you were scheduled to return home immediately, you can still detour without a major problem arising. But not always so with a white spouse.

The mobile phone is an invention that has helped the white spouse keep track of his or her partner with precision. If you can’t answer the phone for some reason, the whitie will send an SMS and advise that you get in touch as soon as you get the message. Taking the case of a white girl as an example, the more you don’t communicate the more she could call and leave all sorts of messages in your machine. The messages could be coated with emotion depending on the seriousness of the situation.

In fact, not calling or texting to tell a white spouse that you will be unable to answer the phone for some reason could lead to a deep romantic crisis. This is because for the whitie, making an alert about a possible breakdown in communication should be something of a priority when you are in a relationship. In fact, communicating should be simple because it takes less than a minute and, under the circumstances, there may be no other plausible explanation as to why you could not communicate especially if you claim to care, more so, if you claim that you love the blondie.

If you want a new cell phone, say that you cannot communicate properly because your current phone is defective. If you have no cash, you can be sure that the white spouse will look for money to fix a new phone as a matter of urgency because he or she cannot afford to lose track of you because of some defective mobile phone that can be dumped and replaced even if purchasing on credit.

If the new mobile comes and you claim that it’s too complicated (it could happen with a smart phone you have never handled), be ready for a step by step lesson on how to use it no matter how long it takes. If you are lazy in reading manuals, the whitie will take the lead and understand the phone so that you can be taught how to use it. White people never want to leave anything to chance especially things they care about.

You could be in a “Paper love” which means that your heart may not actually be in the thing but for her, every minute you are away, she may be feeling “love sick”. At the end of the phone lesson, the whitie will test and confirm that you can make a call and send an SMS. From then onwards, don’t give further excuses based on the phone if you want to avoid a crisis.

Keeping track of their spouses is regarded by whites as part of the love process which also has it that once someone belongs to you, you have a right to know everything about that person. This includes searching the person’s pockets when he or she comes home and checking the mobile phone to monitor SMS messages. It could be normal for a white person to just ask you for your phone to go through the information contained in it or just pick it up when you are watching TV and check it out. But that is not all.

“I love you darling”
A white girl could even call contacts on your phone book without your knowledge as part of the meticulous monitoring process and if you cannot cope with this kind of behavior, don’t engage a white spouse. You can be sure that if there are female names on your phone book which the whitie does not recognize, she will call these numbers one by one to say that “I am the girl friend of so and so and I am calling to find out who you are because I got your number in his phone book and I don’t know you” or something like that. That is how bad the situation can get.

The same case applies to the man. In dark-skinned cultures, this could amount to unnecessary spying, violation of privacy or undue suspicion. The whitie will do the monitoring even if there is no suspicion of cheating because it is perfectly normal for her to know your friends.

If you picked up the phone number of some girl in the pub, the rule says that you should also have told her that you are in a relationship. If you didn’t and the whitie happens to call the girl who then tells her that you met in the pub, it is normal for the whitie to ask the girl whether you told her that you are in a relationship. If you didn’t, you could be in shit.

The problem is that once you fall in love with a white person, you might discover that you have to give away your privacy in terms of time you can spend alone, with friends or work mates. As part of the monitoring, the whitie may insist that she follows you almost everywhere possible. When in love, they are very possessive while they like to advertise the fact that they are hooked to someone.

The strict monitoring of their spouses is responsible for hundreds of break ups in white-black relationships because when it comes to dark-skinned cultures, a man’s manhood is also based on his ability to have freedom to control how he spends his time even if he has a spouse or if he is married. Not so with white people who will never understand this.

If you want to interest the white lassie (especially when you are making paper), tell her that you like the way she is monitoring your movements because for you, it is a sign that she loves you. Say something like “whenever you call to find out when I am coming home or what I am doing, I feel that I belong to some one so keep it up sweetie”.

She will most likely giggle with joy if not intensify the monitoring. Don’t be surprised if she says that you are very special even if you are not doing anything special. If you are away, every phone call might end with “I love you” and you have to say “I love you too”, sometimes adding the word “darling” or “sweat heart” at the end. Regular “you are my sugar” kind of expressions should be in your note book because they make her feel secure.

If you are having a “cold one” with your fellow nigger and he ends the phone with “I love you too”, you automatically know that he is in a relationship with a whitie because many Africans to not make such exchanges with their African spouses who only hear about “baby I love you” in Jenipher Lopez songs. When you have been away and you get back to base, make sure that the first thing you do when you come into contact with her is to kiss her on the lips and say something like “I have missed you darling” even if you haven’t. If possible, do the kissing on the door way. It is the practical evidence that you were really missing her.

If you had a serious exchange on the phone about always meeting your friends at short notice and you know that there is an argument waiting when you hit base, try to fix some flowers to be handed in immediately you arrive then make sure you apologize. You might get away with it by making a new promise.

If you will be late unexpectedly, don’t forget to call and make sure that you are not late for more than one hour because that is a very long time which needs to be planned well in advance.

There could be problems with traffic or the train might have been terribly late but the point is that you should call and say so. Depending on the “age of the relationship”, keep the girl with regular updates on where you are during the period you are late. “Sweat heart, the train is now moving and I should be home in about fifteen minutes” kin of updates keeps her cool.

The more you get together, the more you will get to understand the level of monitoring by your spouse. When you are about to arrive after some lateness, call and say that you can’t wait to see her. She will be hooked for some time. Monitoring is more intensive when you are in a new relationship or if the relationship shows signs of stress.

This is a general view of the “culture of monitoring” of spouses by white people. The situation may be different in different relationships and the case may not apply for all white people so don’t blame me. The article does not also suggest that Africans do not monitor their spouses as such. The main focus is on the intensity.

Okoth Osewe

Related:

• Strange White Stuff Series
  

July 12, 2009 Posted by makozewe | Strange White Stuff | 6 Comments

Strange White Stuff: Kissing In Public

To white people, kissing in public appears perfectly normal, romantic and cool. Kissing in public enables white people to demonstrate and exhibit romantic love, a precious commodity which, to millions of white people, everybody around needs to know about in as much as the situation allows.

In the underground

But to darker skins brought up in non white cultures (forget about black skins in white masks), kissing in public is strange, abhorable, repugnant, stale and even insane. It is disgusting to say the least.

Just like white people, dark skinned people believe that kissing is a very intimate activity from the point of view of romance but the difference for many non whites who oppose kissing in public is that  romance is something you try to keep between yourself and your partner  by privatizing it. In other words, it is not something for public consumption.

When a boy kisses a girl or when a man kisses a woman, there is the ubiquitous feeling of passion and helplessness in the face of romantic love which many dark skinned people would not like anybody else to witness, more so at a public place.

Just look at the faces of a couple kissing in the train or in the bus and you will agree that it is a moment of great helplessness especially when the couple stares at one another with love spread all over their faces. The argument from cultures in the opposition is that why should strangers have access to this very intimate activity or passionate moment?

For dark skinned people, a moment to express romantic love and affection is a precious moment which strangers should not get access to, leave alone witness unless you are kissing at the Alter and for that one moment in front of witnesses when you make vows and say “I do”. But to white people, there is no big deal in kissing in public.

The white lover will kiss and even release the familiar sound when the lips are sucking deeply into one another as the tongue engages in a mutual exchange of sweet love, exploring the mouth and its environs. In such situations, the white couple kissing tend to forget about the presence of everybody else, assuming, for that moment, that the environment belongs to them and them alone.

To non whites who have to sit there and absorb the activity with all its detail, kissing in public smacks of disrespect of other people if not arrogance. But fellow white people do not see it that way. The couple thinks that it is their romantic right to kiss in public and that whoever doesn’t like it can just pack up and move to another location or go to hell.

Take passionate kissing in the underground train station or at the local bus stop and look at how white people in the vicinity behave.  You got it. Whites will not even try to bother, look at the couple or react in a way that could suggest that they are not OK with the activity. Why? Because it is part of white culture to kiss in public.

The whites will continue to be buried deeply in their books or newspapers or just look away when another lassie’s lips are being sucked by a hungry mate dying with unlimitted passion. In the train, the kissing could go on and on until the couple arrives at their destination. For the real dark skinned, this is not just strange. It is evidence that white people are debased, immoral, uncouth and uncultured for how else can you do that in public?

To dark skins, kissing in public could be embarrassing

In the bus

Of cause, you could understand if the kissing is taking place at a public pub or disco. Then, it is possible to assume that the couple is inebriated. This is not to suggest that kissing in public is wrong per se. My point is that it is strange or even repugnant from the point of view of other non white cultures that regard love as confidential.

Look at it this way. Dark skinned people find it even difficult to hold the hands of their girlfriends or wives in public because they are embarrassed that they are displaying love in public.

But for the whites, the opposite applies. Love is something you need to display. If you are black and you can’t hold the hands of your white girlfriend or wife in public, the white man or woman will begin to doubt whether you love him/her. In fact, you might even be dumped. Depending on the severity of the situation, talk might even begin to go round that you may be seeing someone for why can’t you kiss in public to be seen by people that you are in love?

However, a dark skinned woman might not care whether or not you kiss her in public as long as she believes that you love her. Some African contacts have theorized that the reason why white people have to kiss in public is that the male needs to compensate for his inability to satisfy the white woman in bed. I do not know whether this is true or false and it is white people who might have the authority to talk about this.

On the black side of things, the man does not need to hold hands with his woman in the streets as long as she gets her thing on bed. If you pump her well, she might not be interested in kissing you in public or holding hands because she knows where she gets her thing – in the bed room. In fact, some Kenyan couple’s never even want to be near their spouses in public and this behaviour is accepted.

Another theory which has not been proven is that white people are so emotionally weak that kissing in public helps them to cope with emotional imbalances. If you are white and you are in love with a real darkie, avoid kissing in public. This will increase your chances of maintaining the relationship.

In fact, if you kiss a darkie in front of his or her dark friends, it is sometimes interpreted as a signal that the darkie has been “conquered” to a level that he or she has lost morals. Some people might even think that someone “is making papers” and that the relationship has nothing to do with love. Simply put, kissing in public is something always regarded as an embarrassment on the part of the darkie so just slow down.

Okoth Osewe

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• The Flower Culture
  

April 17, 2009 Posted by makozewe | Strange White Stuff | 3 Comments

Strange White Stuff: The Flower Culture

You might have seen it before or even several times. A bouquet of flowers being handed out liberally at anniversaries, birthdays or holidays. If you have been to white cities, you will admit that the flower business is one of the most conspicuous and in summer, out-door flower sales are known to fetch millions of dollars annually. Flowers are not food to be eaten but they have a lot of meaning to white people.

When other non white people in Asia, Africa, Latin America and elsewhere are starving because of failure to cultivate food, white people are spending millions of dollars on flowers to please friends or send “flower messages” to acquaintances. You can literally say anything with a flower – thank you very much, I love you, I am sorry, get well quickly, I empathize with you and what have you.

Don’t just buy any type of flower and rush to a white person with it to try and say something because different flowers mean different things. If you don’t understand this culture, you could end up saying “get well quickly” when you meant “I love you” just by purchasing and presenting the wrong kind of flower. If you are at the stage where you can’t even differentiate between the different kinds of flowers, ask the florist.

For example, if you are a non white male who is screwing a white lassie and she tried to monitor your movements leading to a tiff, zoom near a flower shop and buy some rose flowers. The flowers are not cheap but the good thing is that the more flowers you put in, the more you are saying that you love her despite the present crisis.

It is better if you can surprise her by timing when she is home, knocking the door and as she opens, she is confronted with a bunch of neatly packed flowers. Most likely, she will calm down and probably let you in. Others are not so much moved by flowers but have emotional attachments to stuff like chocolates so you can find out what the preference is and do the right thing. In fact, a bunch of flowers could save you from being dumped.

Once the flowers are presented and there is an obvious change in facial expression saying that they have been accepted, make the next move by saying you are sorry for what happened as you move closer. Then, make another serious move to kiss her on the lips with the flowers still on her hands and if this goes through, you are done. Sometimes it might not go through but if you are at the verge of losing her, its better to take a risk. These events should follow in quick succession and if you play it well, the flower will work out magic and you probably will get to terms very quickly. In fact, you might not leave the house without access to the goods to help put the past behind.

Although flower culture is believed to have spread to white people through Turkey, the strong emotional attachment of white people to flowers has led to the development of this culture and its spread further across the world. Now, you find people all over the world using flowers to impart unique messages to contacts.

Sunflower imparts pride and wealth while an olive depicts peace and a sense of security. If you give a Holly flower, it is for good wishes but if it is a situation which calls for consolation after some bad thing has happened to your white friend, give a Poppy. Don’t go there with a Daisy which is strictly for innocence or a Heather which is for solitude.

If you want to appreciate the worthiness of your white friend or to show him or her that you appreciate his or her inner strengths, make it a Fennel and see how the whitie melts. The impact of the kind of flower you chose will, of cause, depend on whether the whitie understands the meaning of the flower. There are some dumb whites who do not understand the flower dynamics so take care.

If you want to show a white girl that you admire her and you get an opportunity to give her flowers, surprise her with a Camellia because it is a symbol of loveliness, if not, perfection. A white friend who has just returned from Africa may be feeling brave so it might be time to get there with an Anemone. For heaven’s sake, never carry dead flowers (plastic) to a white person.

Watering flowers
A woman friend of mine bred in “foreign African culture” and who did not understand the emotional algebra of flowers found a lovely pack of plastic flowers and bought it for the new white boyfriend. The boy never called back. By presenting the dead plastic flowers, the girl was unconsciously sending the message that the relationship was dead. That is how strange it can get so be informed.
Marigold sends the message that you care and is used mainly during times of sorrow – when something bad has happened to the whitie. When it is time to leave your white contact after some visit or may be, you got some free accommodation during a trip, you can try fixing a Rosemary which symbolizes remembrance. You don’t have to be educated about the Rose flower because that symbolism is universal – love and affection. This is the most selling and most popular flower among white people especially among couples.

Next time you spy a white person with a bunch of flowers wrapped up in some paper, don’t just think that the bundle was picked at random from the florist then packed. The purchase could be the product of consultations because the flowers could be intended for a very special function between the white person and the target.

The story does not end there. Almost every white person worth his/her salt has flowers growing around in the house. The flowers are watered at regular intervals to ensure that they don’t dry up. If a white person visits you in your flat and finds that there are no flowers, a slight depression might follow although they will never show it. If the whitie loves flowers, it will take an act of courage for you to be asked politely why you don’t keep flowers in the house. This is important. If you are invited to a Party when a white friend is moving into a new house, make sure you carry some flowers otherwise you will be a disappointment.

If you have flowers in your house and you forgot to water them, causing them to dry up, a white person might give you a classification of sorts – you could be lazy, forgetful, uncaring, unconcerned for how on earth can you spend money on flowers then leave them to dry up when you have water in the house?

Why did you buy them in the first place if you can’t water them? The white person knows the hassle involved in watering flowers and it takes strong emotional attachment on the part of the flower owner to remember to water them. Giving them water is like feeding little children who cannot help themselves.

Millions of non white people resident in white countries buy flowers and keep them in their houses just to try and “fit in”, not because of any attachments to flowers and this explains why many flowers kept in non white houses normally die on a routine basis. The funny part is that once they dry up because you forgot to feed them with water, you throw them away and buy new ones to dry up again and the cycle continues. Single non white dudes are the worst in watering flowers.

For the whitie, the situation is so serious that when a white person is going for holiday or will be away for long periods, you will be unlucky if you are the neighbor because you could be left the keys to water the flowers so that the whitie does not return to find that the flowers are dead. If the neighbor is some Nigger or some Arab who cannot be trusted with keys, the whitie might chose to leave the flowers in a bath tub with some water to feed the flowers.

In winter, the white man’s land is full of snow. Flowers in the house help to bring back life on a daily basis after coming from the biting cold and keeping them in the house could be good. For non white cultures, flowers are stuff that are left to grow outside and admired in the garden. But not so with white people. Irish flower is a symbol of hope while a Carnation stands for admiration and that’s it.

In the real world, the word grass is normally associated with marijuana but in the white flower world, it stands for usefulness. When happiness returns after a white person has suffered a catastrophe that brought sadness and intense suffering, it could be a good idea to pop up with a Lilly of the Valley.

Okoth Osewe

April 7, 2009 Posted by makozewe | Strange White Stuff | 5 Comments