Kenya-Stockholm Round-Up

There is a lot of political activity in Kenya and, sometimes, Kenya-Stockholm news gets a complete black-out at KSB. This round-up is part of “catching up” with what has been happening behind the scenes as we take a break from nyumbani politics. While there has been a lot of good news, some bad news have also dominated the underground news channels. The recent past has been dominated by bereavements although a good share of baby showers, birthday parties and boogies also stole the limelight. Needless to say, a slew of hot “pilipili hoho” scandals have been registered on the KSB’s “Vituko scale”.

Joyce Nyamusi on her way to Kenya
Majority of bereavements were reported at KSB and the bereaved Kenyans have since returned from the funerals. Joyce Nyamusi, a Kenyan who lost her sister last week, has today left for Kenya to attend the funeral. In a text message transmitted from Arlanda International Airport this morning, Joyce thanked all Kenyans, friends and well-wishers who condoled with her following the sad news about her sister’s passing. The sister was suffering from cancer of the overy.

Spectacular Caai wa Mwanas
In the last one month, there have been at least five Caai wa Mwanas in Kenya-Stockholm, signs that despite the daily hustles, multiplication of the species is ever on the agenda for Kenya-Stockholmers. On just one Saturday, I had to attend two Caai wa Mwanas in that typical moment when you kill two birds with one stone. The families of Mary Mugo and Joseph Munene (aka man Nzoro) had their functions the same evening and they were both great. It was nice catching up with close buddies after a long time to compare notes. I hope to upload some photos when time allows.

Update on Masumbuko and his Swedish girlfriend
Many Kenyans may have read about Masumbuko, the Kenyan dude who had some mapepe problems with his Swedish girlfriend. The latest is that the couple was blessed with a baby boy although Masumbuko says that he will never call a Caai wa Mwana because his Swedish girlfriend is opposed to the idea for reasons of privacy. Masumbiko’s mapepe are now at an advanced stage of development after he convinced the girl to keep the baby. The Kenyan says that the baby has changed his life because he now sees himself more like a father than a party freak who rarely stays home over week-ends. He has now understood the difficulty of leaving his wife home in the house alone with the kid to go clubbing although he says that occasionally, he slips out “with permission”. From a brief chit-chat, he appears to have adopted well to the Swedish way of doing things although he admits that life has been tough especially on the cultural front.

Adhiambo “Sianda” goes underground
In the meantime, Adhiambo, the step-daughter who snatched her step mother’s jungu hubby, has gone underground to avoid deportation. The step-mother reported her to police in what observers believe, is a move by the mom to get rid of Adhiambo as a matter of revenge. The step-mom has split up with her Swedish husband who is believed to be the person hiding Adhiambo somewhere as he tries to stop the deportation of his new and young girlfriend. Adhiambo is said to be unapologetic, arguing that the step mom had put her in a very difficult situation before she fell in love with her step father.

Jamnazi “may be in prison”
Rumours have filled Stockholm that “Jamnazi”, a Kenyan dude, is in prison for some unspecified crime. Jamnazi has not been seen in public for almost six months. Eye-brows were raised when he began to miss key functions of very close friends without explanations. It is known that for some years, Jamnazi has been involved in some bad habits but no one expected that the situation was so serious to an extent that he could be charged in court and sent to prison. The problem is that Jamnazi is a well-known Kenyan and it is impossible that he can go missing from the public eye without some speculation. At KSB, we can only hope that he is tied up with work somewhere because getting to prison in Sweden is not very interesting. In case he is in prison (if one has to follow the no smoke without fire theory), he must have been there for more than six months or almost clearing his term.

Kenyan dude “may have been cremated”
In another case which could shock many Kenyans and even precipitate a heart attack in others in case it’s true, a Kenyan guy is suspected to have been cremated by his Swedish wife after he apparently died due to illness. Don’t call KSB asking who the guy is because the news has not been confirmed. The guy, who used to be very social, has not been seen in public for more than a year. According to the rumours, he was allegedly cremated late last year “according to his wish” which apparently included a wish that the funeral be private.

Embassy official returning to Kenya
A woman employee at the Kenyan Embassy is returning to Kenya after many years of service. According to information obtained by KSB, the woman recently got married in Kenya, a development that may have prompted her return to Kenya. The woman has been very friendly to Wakenya, occasionally attending Kenyan functions or turning up to show solidarity with bereaved Kenyans. She is believed to have been the “human face” of Kenya Embassy and with her departure, contacts between Kenyans and the Embassy is expected to go down to zero level. Recently, a group of Kenyans threw her a farewell Party in Stockholm. She will, no doubt, be missed by many Kenyans who loved her. We wish her the best in Kenya.

Gospel singer back in Stockholm
The good Kenyan gospel singer is back from Kenya with her mapepe – congratulations. We don’t want to get into the circumstances except mention that this is a piece of good news. After years of struggle, the Kenyan woman can now lead a normal life together with her kid. It is yet another case of a better ending after difficult times. The Kenyan lady is known to be very kind, very religious and very principled.

Tycoon lady waiting for mapepe in Kenya
In the meantime, the Kenya-Stockholm’s tycoon lady (whose name cannot be mentioned) is in Kenya kungojea mapeps. The case is also very sensitive and we will not go into further details. Speaking to KSB, she said that she will share her storo with Wakenya when she returns loaded with mapeps and requested that for now, KSB refrains from mentioning any details. We will obey the law.

The “beautiful one” in new problem with new baby
Now, two bad pieces of news: You may have heard about her. After sweeping boys off their feet with her charming beauty soon after her arrival from Kenya, the beautiful one (whose name can also not be mentioned for reasons of privacy) has produced a bouncing baby with her jungu boyfriend but unfortunately, the jungu is reportedly not too happy with the new development. The dude is not yet ready for the big stuff – responsibility – and is threatening to send the young mom packing to Kenya with the baby. Once again, it is the same storo. The dude says he was tricked into the thing and that despite constant appeals that the chick get rid of the thing when such action was still possible, she refused, arguing that she is a Christian. It is amazing that the law has not been changed to address these kinds of problems because how does a man slip in between the legs and when the fruits of such hard labour comes to life, the man turns around to talk about tricks? We wish the chick all the best!

Baba Vikwazo “sleeping on the sofa”
Another bad news: Baba Vikwazo, a Kenyan dude, is reported to be sleeping on the sofa following a mpango wa kando gone sour. According to the storo, the dude has been secretly chewing one of his wife’s best friends. Details are scanty but according to what is available, the wife has been hoarding the precious goods following a long standing disagreement connected to a love triangle.

Unable to get the means of emptying his balls, the dude started flirting secretly with “Madona”, his wife’s bestie. It is reported that linking Madona was very easy for the guy. Through her proximity to the guy’s wife, Madona knew about the guy’s “ripe balls” because the wife had bragged to Madona that she is starving the guy mbaya to get him to behave. Kumbe!

Madona is herself single and a combination of attraction to the dude and manyege is reported to have led the two in some kind of “convenience relationship”. A flirt led to a holding of hands then to a kiss before Madona spread the goods out for consumption. The guy has apparently been chewing Madona for quite some time without the knowledge of his wife who is also reported to be getting her goods serviced by a West African dude following the couple’s “bedroom stalemate”. They have been giving each other “the silent treatment” for weeks.

The guy got to know about the West African connection through a leakage from Madona who appeared to have exploited the opportunity to trap the guy between her legs. If it were not for the guy’s carelessness, his affair with Madona may not have been discovered. He forgot to delete an SMS message from Madona thanking him for “…that sweet, charming and smooth swallow”. When the SMS was discovered, the due could not explain why he has been exchanging messages with Madona. Most critically, he could also not explain what Madona had apparently swallowed.

When he tried to explain that it was a drink, the explanation was rejected. The wife contacted Madona and (without investigations) asked her why she was effing with the hubby. Although Madona tried to deny the charge, matters came to a standstill when a subsequent confrontation between the dude and the wife ended up with the dude asking the wife why she was effing with the West African dude. At this point, the wife suspected that Madona may have updated the dude about Adebaye Adodoyo, the West African, thereby precipitating a huge romantic crisis with charges of “crimes against matrimony” flying in the air from both sides. The consequence is that the dude is currently on the sofa as the couple tries to deal with the crisis. In the meantime, the wife has split with her friend Madona, accusing him of “husband-snatching”.

Okoth Osewe

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Makozewe

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A blog for News and Events happening around Kenyans in Stockholm.

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