Kenya Stockholm Blog

Masumbuko Escaped Deportation “By a Whisker!”

If you have been wondering what happened to Masumbuko, he is still swinging around in town. Either, this Kenyan bloke is one lucky guy or he is just studious. Once he planted a seed in the tummy of  a beautiful Swedish blondie, he began to experience bouts of  “starvation” as the girl’s belly also increased in size thereby complicating bedroom activity.

In whichever way he tried, the swelling belly began to stand on the way and Masumbuko soon ran out of positions from where he could consume the goods. When he could no longer cope with the situation, he began to look for a “Plan B”. The Kenyan is young, energetic and “hot blooded” so once he discovered that his bed room lifestyle was getting boring, he decided to act.

Luckily, the solution was just around the corner and Masumbuko didn’t have to look very far because his Swedish woman had an equally cute, brown haired, nice bosomed and attractive pal called Annika whom Masumbuko had become accustomed to during his outings with his wife.

Both Annika and Masumbuko’s wife had been friends since their school days and so the wife had no reason to suspect that Annika and Masumbuko could, in any way, attempt anything stupid. Besides, the wife knew that Masumbuko understood too well that possibilities of him getting his mappepe hinged delicately on her swelling belly and therefore, the Kenyan had all reasons to ensure that he behaved like a “soon-to-be daddy”, not an out of control Casanova roaming around town, sniffing out for new, white and red-lipped chicks to lick. Kumbe!

What has eluded all explanations is how Masumbuko began to kiss Annika and how the lady fell into the trap in the first place. This is because by the time the wife discovered that Annika had actually left the gates of her go-down wide open for Masumbuko to have access to the goods, the Kenyan dude had repeatedly visited all of Annika’s important body sites, ending up in her honey comb located deep inside her holy shrine.

In fact, it was a white Swedish eye witness who knew that Masumbuko was with the blondie who tipped the wife that her hubby had been kissing (very intensively) a brown haired chick at H62, the populous reggae club also known as “Mama Africa” where many inter-racial couples normally retreat to feel at home. The joint is also famous with white chicks and black bulls seeking each other on the dance floor as the staccato beats of reggae boom from the speakers.

To add salt to fresh wound, the witness said that at the Club, she personally saw Masumbuko doing several “surface to surface” dance moves with Annika, “dangerous moves” which left no doubt in the imagination of any observer that the couple was articulating privately at “flesh to flesh” levels.

They call the dance “surface to surface” because the dance style includes sessions in which the proximity where the main goods are located begin “to get in touch” by rubbing themselves rhythmically to the beats with the couple sometimes going down slowly to test one another’s capabilities. You test that if you have a tumbo kubwa aka beer-belly and you automatically lose!

In Kenya, if you find another dude doing a “surface to surface” with your girlfriend at a disco, two things can happen. Either you start a fight if you have the muscles or you call it quits with your galfy. If it’s your wify, you could as well fetch a panga aka machete or a rungu aka baseball bat to clear off the guy in a moment which members of the Kikuyu community call “Ngai Faffa!”

Once she received the news, Masumbuko’s wife did not hesitate to take action. She confronted Masumboko about the issue and the dude denied “Kenya style”, saying that he has not been to Mama Africa for a very long time. “How on earth could I have gone to Mama Africa to have fun with another woman when you are carrying my baby?”, he posed.

In response, the wife quickly summoned her friend Annika so that the three could discuss the issue. Masumbuko had a lot of hopes that Annika would be able to deal with the situation. The problem was that she had not been prepared for the shock because things happened so fast. After the confrontation with Masumbuko, the wife ensured that he did not call Annika to pump her with strategy and within an hour, Annika was at the scene to sort out the matter.

She had only been told by her female friend that there was something urgent the three needed to discuss. The tone was calm so she thought that the couple wanted her help in the event of labour pains. Kumbe! When Annika was confronted with the facts by Masumbuko’s wife, she became so overwhelmed with guilt that she began to cry, saying that she was sorry.

“Chasing after monkeys”
On the other hand, Masumbuko discovered that his time in the “denial chamber” was over because apart from crying for the terrible thing she had done to her long-term friend who was expecting a baby with her husband Masumbuko, Annika disclosed that it was Masumbuko who started the affair and convinced her that no one would ever know about it. “I told him it was wrong but he said that the situation was under control”, she said as she trembled with emotion.

Apparently, Masumbuko uttered the words when he began to get access to Annika’s lips as he made further arrangements to explore deeper into the mouth to get contact with her tongue. According to Annika’s narration, Masumbuko was moving “step by step”, the way a train moves from station to station. He made her comfortable by making her get used to being close to his chest at the dance floor then once that stage was done, activity began to accelerate slowly.

After a few days, matters advanced to “lips to lips” then slowly, it progressed to “tongue to tongue” before she eventually found herself gasping for air one night as they approached “climax city”, riding on her bed at the 6th floor apartment flat in Aspuden with the popular song “Do me.. do me… do me…if you do me I do you…” playing at low noise from the speakers. In simpler terms, she could not remember exactly how she eventually exposed the goods for consumption.

Annika’s guilt was so deep that she went even further with her revelations as Masumbuko quietly began to assess the real consequences. She disclosed that they had hanyad in her (Annika’s) flat several times and that as the days went by without being discovered, she began to behave as though the clandestine relationship was normal. She said that it is at this point that they began to become careless by kissing in public where someone may have seen them.

Once the revelation was over, Masumbuko’s wife made one terrible mistake. She disowned both Masumbuko and Annika, saying that they had betrayed her trust and that she did not want to see them again. She told Annika that she was not a friend but “a devil” because she could not understand how after many years of very close friendship and mutual trust, she could hanya with her hubby at a critical time when she was about to deliver.

For Masumbuko, he was told that he was “a monkey” who should have been in the African bushes chasing after female monkeys to hanya. She could not understand how instead of Masumbuko staying home to wash her feet during pregnancy and serving her food, he was running around with her best friend. She declared that she would divorce him immediately so that he could go back to Africa where he belonged. She made a mistake because instead of punishing Masumbuko, she gave him a new opening by disowning Annika. It was like throwing him a life jacket.

This treatment somehow worked in favour of Masumbuko. When Annika realized that Masumbuko’s stay in Sweden had been destroyed because of her, she decided to chip in and help. Since Masumbuko had been expelled by his woman, he relocated to Annika’s place where the couple began a new life.

Interestingly, the Kenyan dude soon conducted a new “ballooning act” on Annika and when word reached the Immigration department, they had no option but to let Masumbuko stay. By then, his first child had already been born while he was waiting for another one with his new find. Those were enough reasons to be allowed to stay and that is how Masumbuko escaped deportation by a whisker after he was dumped by his blondie girlfriend!

Okoth Osewe

February 11, 2010 Posted by makozewe | News & Analysis | 12 Comments