Relationships: Men Should Stop Oppressing Women
Women are also providers
LETTERS FROM SHIKU: Who ought to do what in a relationship may puzzle many couples especially in Europe. Many, especially men, feel used when they find themselves locked in a relationship of mixed culture. According to African set up, women are responsible for all house chores. This is our culture. Isn’t it? No. It was! My friend and I had tight ties back in Stockholm but not because we had so much in common as girls. We shared one big hurdle – we helped each other in house chores when need arose. Our men, true African sons, could not do women stuff.
Our fore fathers set this and named it culture. The head of the home, which most men presume, was the family’s bread winner. The wife/wives minded their husband and children. Today, everyone “wins bread”, and this situation leads to a common question; if you enjoy 50-50 bill sharing, why then don’t you enjoy 50-50 sharing of house chores especially in a country where house help is a dream too expensive to achieve? Are you Westernized when it comes to financial matters and return to your Africanized skin when house chores are mentioned?
“Women should choose what their men wear, polish their shoes and make sure all is in order before they leave the house” commented Natasha, a guest in a fashion talk show called Sebuleni. She added that when the man in your life accompany you looking scruffy, the question is not about him but about you. And the question is always ”why are you dating a wrong guy?’’
Natasha is not the only woman to proclaim publicity that women should wash their men’s stuff as well as their under wears. That from the onset of their marriage, a woman should pack for the man. That an acquiescent wife should not mind packing some “jwala” incase her jamaa get’s thirsty and is tempted to eat the forbidden goodies. How amusing? That it is the role of a woman to take over all house work and grooming and dress her man when she marries the him, right? Wrong!
The reason why women go along with this script is because many of us do not know any better. We grew up watching our fathers .The men never moved their hands as far as their stuff was concerned. They comfortably cleaned their noses and left the dirty cloth for the woman to clean and the lady of the house did so passively and contentedly. All men did for themselves was to shower, which, nevertheless, they found tasking and skipped days in the bathroom.
Our fathers never set foot in the kitchen, not even for a glass of water .The man would be seated on his throne (the comfortable daddy’s couch in the sitting room that no one dared sit on) and would call his wife from the bedroom to come and pour him a cup of tea (from a flask that was right under his nose) or switch on the television. Spiteful, isn’t it? No! That was the norm. And that was then!
The woman obliged dutifully. Our mothers would tell us to cook for our brothers and warm it up when they needed a second helping .We observed the irrefutable division of the roles and internalized it. So when we start dating, we are only too eager to prove to our boyfriends that we are wife material. When you visit him in his un-kept bachelor abode, you make a fuss of tidying it up.
“This table is caked with dust oh! Darling, how do you sleep on this nasty bed, let me air your blankets” and the song continues….”darling you should have told me you have dirty dishes, I would have come running”. Stupid girl!
Coming Home Drunk and Silly
The guy soon realizes that there’s no need for paying for the clean-up for you will sweat blood to see that you clean his clothes, cook his food and scrub his floor. Soon he gets the idea that a woman, girlfriend or wife is only as good as her housekeeping skills. Marriage becomes an extension even an upgrade of the dating, so that the more you scrub, the better wife you are.
The more nails you break cleaning his clothes and doing other house chores, the more useful you get. As a noble helper, you even polish his shoes. Before long, the guy learns to only use his hands in the office or at the pub where they are loyally needed to hit the keyboard and to drain beer from a glass.
The question is not how much a man does at home but how much he does for himself. It is less of household chores and roles than self – reliance. Liberated men are self dependent and are not so fastidious about traditional roles. They see their wives as human beings and part of them, not a working machine which just needs a couple of minutes servicing when she retires to bed with all bones aching. It is unhealthy to have another person as your crutch. Closed – minded men should learn to do things, at least something, for their own good. Can today’s life work if we follow yesterday’s rules?
Check, for example, in developed countries, a man will fix a meal without feeling emasculated and the woman will bring home the bacon without mourning the days when men were the sole providers. They share all duties. Their men learnt about it from their fathers. They were practically taught that women are to be loved and respected.
Luckily, Nairobian men have been liberated. Shopping around town, you will not miss men pushing trolleys full of shopping. At the cashier, his woman will flash out notes to settle the bill. Other men arrogantly load their frontage with a good baby carrier, smiling and talking sweet nothings to their little ones.
My friend, Martin, intimated to me that men fear marrying learned, highly ranking women, not because men are intimidated by them but because these women have neither the time nor the desire to spoil them. That, to an African man, a wife should be home early to receive him when he gets home, drunk and silly.
I attended a function recently. One guy said he couldn’t rise up to pick a drink. Obviously, he was aggressively opposed and attacked by all the ladies who were present. But when he tabled his reasons, we all calmed down and submissively served him whatever he asked for. He belongs to the era of “a woman must do all for me!” Regrettably, he has refused to change with age and annoyingly think, like his wife, all women should run to his service.
It is high time men stopped looking at house chores as the women’s turf; it is somewhat demeaning for a man. I have heard so many men say that they can’t cook even if their wives got sick. They would prefer to eat junk. Sickly! And this class of men have stretched arms as far as ulayani.
I bet most women will remember an incident when they got home late, found the man seated busy but infuriated on the internet or watching a movie. He is annoyed coz he is hungry. And he is hungry, not because you had gone shopping thus nothing was at home to cook, but coz you, as his woman, wasn’t present to make food for him. Isn’t it absurd? These are lock-minded men who have refused to unlock their thinking.
Men, should start thinking of their own independence. By all means, a couple should do things for each other but also each should do things for himself or herself. Everybody should carry their own weight.
Shiku Steve
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Shiku naively thinks that NOT sharing household chores is an African man issue. In America and other parts of Western Europe, women still bear the brunt of these activities. Instead of a critical thread like this one which will only raise harsh reactions from men, she should have toned down on generalizations.
Meanwhile,the sober-minded readers can get workable tips on this matter here:
Hande Household Chores Together -
Conflict over domestic duties and chores around the house is second only to conflict over money in a marriage.The key thing to remember is to not ask your spouse for help in getting chores done. Asking for help sets the stage for you having to do all the work. Here are more suggestions on how to divide up household tasks and how to cope with an uncooperative spouse.
http://marriage.about.com/od/chores/Handling_Household_Chores_Together.htm
Am a Ugandan lady residing in a small town outside Stockholm and married to a Swedish husband. I thank KSB for sharing diverse topics which I normally enjoy reading. However, I am disappointed with Shiku’s letter which is so biased against African men.
I have a few very close men married or in relationships with both African and Swedish women ranging between 30-40 years of age, yet their spouses have never complained that these men don’t help with household chores. In fact all these men have been taking leave from work whenever they have new-born babies and assist until the women feel fit to continue with basic care.
I fail to understand Shiku’s claims without choosing particular examples as challenged by one commentator here. In fact compared to other male-dominated communities in Sweden, I believe African men are better off in terms of sharing house duties.Men from “macho cultures” like the Latinos would obviously scoff at their partners if asked to do such.
I feel blessed because am a proud housewife whose husband’s best dream in married life has been to have a partner who can take care of the children and the household, until the children are fit to manage on their own. Luckily he can afford to maintain us out of his business earnings, so am materially comfortable.
My husband normally drops some of our children at school and daycare while I stay at home doing all the housework and caring for our youngest daughter who is six months old. I am so happy with this arrangement such that when they are all back at home in the evening, there is joy at the dinner table with ready food and no stress of “It’s your turn to cook because I cooked yesterday”.
This arrangement has not surbordinated my role as a woman because I am the manager of the household budget, while my husband takes care of the home’s overhead expenses.
I would like to read more from the African on Shiku’s letter.
What does Shiku mean by men’s oppression against women? All living beings have genetic distinctions that shape their environmental adaptation.
Male and female elephants have clear roles just like the lion is depicted as a lazy animal who only eats after the lioness has killed the prey then leaves her the less juicy parts. However, he is responsible for providing full security to his pride against all danger and mating to reproduce.
In Sweden which is Shiku’s model country for gender parity, there are very few female firefighters because the woman’s body structure does not favor many in the rigorous training men undergo for recruitment. This has been debated many times but the demands of a firefighter means that women must train just as hard as men to secure this type of employment. So where is equality?
Another rule is that men (begrudgingly) have to lift the toilet seat after women who normally use it while it’s down. I have heard some Kenyan women complaining that their men don’t drop the toilet seat after use forcing them to do so every time. This is how petty some are: creating fights for non-issues. If the man has to lift it after the woman, then there is nothing wrong for her to drop it when she wants to sit on it.
Some women didn’t even have pit latrines in Kenya and had to dodge thorns to relieve themselves in the bushes. Today they seem to know the rules of the game more than the Swedish women.
SHIKU are you living with a man,married or come we-stay?IT is quite confusing to see others and you been involved.Every relationship has it“s dos and donts.Yours and others are two different relationships.Partners give and take differently too.So do not generalise.
This woman Shiku sounds more like a jilted lover rather than one who is really out for women’s liberation. A good author should be balanced; not emotional. She must have been testing the waters with her earlier artcles to gain momentum.
But alas! She has locked heads with men whom I urge to come out in droves to protest against her outdated thoughts which don’t hold water in Kenya-Stockholm.
I think that since Shiku started getting publicity at KSB, she is beginning to grow horns. While I have enjoyed her previous postings, I take the view that she is beginning to think that everything she says at KSB will be accepted as gospel truth. She is trying to sell narrow Western perceptions of what is expected in a relationship without realizing that she is dealing with a complex subject that transcends generalizations.
While she seeks to depart from the “African traditional ways” of doing things, she has no explanation as to why Western capitals where “equality of the sexes” is supposed to have worked are leading in divorce cases. She even forgets that love and respect play a bigger role in sustaining relationships as opposed to “division of labour” which she seem to be campaigning for.
In the process, she reduces marriage to an artificial entity which can be fixed through “distribution of responsibilities”, a simplistic approach which could restrain an informed mind from engaging her. Her posting has little content in terms of humour but totally empty in terms of analysis.
It does not provide any new understanding in the field of “gender equality” especially in the marriage domain. While the article provokes instant rebuttals on the basis of its mediocrity, it leaves Shiku with very little defence on a problematic subject that structurally informs Feminism and other related fields of study.
My view is that Shiku may have wondered into an area where she has very little understanding although I can forgive her because she appears to be a wannabe writer and KSB is providing the platform where she can practice.
Her posting betrays a low level of intellectualism, given the superficial nature with which she handles a controversial subject known to stimulate heated debates within academia. At her level, Shiku needs to limit herself to supplying humor for general consumption instead of plunging into deep intellectual waters when it is clear that she cannot swim.
Nicely put bwana Omboto.Shiku needs to do her research well before venturing into intellectual waters.I think she should limit herself to reporting on what is happening back home.Her article on prostitution in Kenya was interesting though. Can shiku give us an insight on INSECURITY at home which seems to be getting out of hand.What are the dos and donts when one is on holiday there.
Omboto that was a well-rounded critique of this half-baked article by Shiku, which needs shredding for its emptiness. As you noted, the praises she has been getting emboldened her to go for the Kenyan man’s jugular, which was a big mistake.
Psychologically, she must still be smarting from her failed relationship with the Kenya-Stockholmer. It is an educated guess that her so-called “Sports4Change” project is being influenced by white sponsors who are trashing Kenyan men there, so she vents off by penning their thoughts here at KSB.
It is easy to read the mind of a Kenyan woman being polluted by whites who use her for personal benefit in the name of sponsoring her projects. There is nothing wrong with palling around with whites in Kenya as long as she doesn’t lose her identity only to imagine that she is better than the Kenyans she bashes. Many whites in Kenya will laugh with you yet insult you the moment you go away.
I think that Shiku must have taken her English to the cleaners because she has improved her basic grammar here a lot compared to how she has been writing in the past. It is also possible that somebody wrote it and she simply added her name or got it proofread by a native speaker.
Kenyan men in Sweden don’t need prompting to share domestic chores. As argued by somebody here, almost all share in household duties whether equally or disproportionately. I beg to differ with her generalized insinuation that Kenyan women are oppressed. Take this unfounded sentence: “The wife/wives minded their husband and children”. Of course they still do even in her glorified Western world. Which woman does not want to care for her family members?
Does she know of the insurbordination of women in some parts of the USA? Does she know that some Christian communities in North America still practice polygamy and incest openly by inbreeding? Oh, give us a break and investigate before penning cheap thoughts at KSB!
Another of her many twisted sentences: “Today, everyone “wins bread”,…” Didn’t they in the past? Even during the last century into which many KSB readers were born, I recall that African women were empowered enough especially in the villages to own their pieces of land for tilling to generate food to be sold for other materials. We have read that during the “barter-trade era” people exchanged various produce according to their needs.
In Shiku’s Central Province (her origins I assume), women are known to be hardworking in the shambas (farms) and mostly sell their produce in Nairobi markets to pay for upkeep and school fees for their children. Why does she deny the African woman her rightful place as an income earner?
Many “mama mboga” (vegetable vendors) have succeeded through subsistence farming and their children are now top businesspeople or hold top positions in Kenya. Shiku should have debated why today’s mama mboga is disenfranchised yet just 20 years ago mattered a lot for the supply of food at Nairobi’s main market “Markiti”, which depended on her trips from Wangige or Gachie to survive. She could have discussed how the current drought is making such women powerless economically. No, instead she provoked men with rotten tripe concerning oppression. She has demystified our initially high expectations that her “Letters” would be worthwhile at KSB.
Yet another of her many silly and meaningless examples: “My friend, Martin, intimated to me that men fear marrying learned, highly ranking women, not because men are intimidated by them but because these women have neither the time nor the desire to spoil them. That, to an African man, a wife should be home early to receive him when he gets home, drunk and silly.” Honestly this is below the belt and I can name over 1000 Kenyan men married to very highly educated women yet they don’t behave this way.
Am writing this while shaking and almost spewing expletives at Shiku, but will contain myself. So, Martin (her trashy friend) represents millions of African men from the Cape of Good Hope to Tunisia and in the Diaspora? I feel like writing in BOLD and even hyperventilating due to such a crapy suggestion.
If this is what Shiku represents concerning African men after her failed escapades in Sweden, then she has nothing to offer but balderdash.
Read her conclusion: “Men, should start thinking of their own independence. By all means, a couple should do things for each other but also each should do things for himself or herself. Everybody should carry their own weight”. African men have always been independent and it will not change because of these hopeless examples by Shiku. I wonder where she picks her men from to reflect upon our societies.
This is a beautiful article. i like the way you beefed the article with examples.
There are few men who because of their orientation have come to undertsnad that managing the home, cleaning, cooking, washing etc is a joint respnosbility.
I think upbringing of children should be done in such a way that both girls and boys learn to do household chores and take care of themselves. I believe that if parents are able to raise children this way we can change the traditional “norm”.
i must confess that i am glad you have raise this on this community.
Emily
I agree with this! After all, carrying your own weight makes it less tiring for just the one or female persons in the home, so their is more time to spend on activities you like, or to spend time as a family!
Learning this is important, because if you are too used to on way, you become dependent, addicted.
Thanks for sharing your views on this.
You are right. And it is the women who can make a good beginning by making no distinction between their sons and daughters and the roles they play right from early childhood.
Nusrat
As Stocky boy guessed,men were really proved by this article. `the truth hurts’ is indeed true. My life back home was really different from what I experience now. While at home I could afford a house help,I cant here. back home my responsibility was to buy food only.The rest of my money was on my personal effects,salon clothes perfumes and such stuff. Here Iam told we have to share bills to the last coin. my guy is lazy,or do I say like Shiku,is a true african son,thus he never want to help me in kitchen chores.This is happening to many women even here. back home,especially in the villages it is a sad story ,men literally stay away the whole day drinking cheap stuff,women get out to look for `kibarua’ the guy came home drunk and all he want is food. I personally witnessed this happen,and I was told women live with it, not because they want ,but because they got no choice. I would give Shiku an assignment; get some sample cases because they are there,get the root cause,let it be addressed in the right way and by the right people. the fact that men here are so wild spell something.you have done part one ,do part two well,a short video clip can do.
Shiku should do what she knows best: Running uphill and on rugged terrain to bring change in Murang’a and wherever. With this letter, she has proven that the gender discourse is beyond her myopic scope. As noted by Omboto, it requires more than just dividing household chores.
The vicious attacks on Shiku show how paranoid these animals called men are. Interestingly fellow women have left Shiku to be cast from the frying pan right into the fire without bothering to help. This has given the men a free hand to fry Shiku from all directions – from lay to intellectual beatings.
Some African men are so sensitive when plate washing is mentioned to an extent that they begin to quiver like a rat that has been thrashed by the rain. Regardless of how much men attack Shiku, she made her point in simple language so everybody could get her point.
The likes of Omboto, Maina Mwangi, Ajabu, Maimuna and other rats should understand that KSB is not University so take your intellectual bullshit out and face reality. Any African woman with a burden of a man in the house knows that he has that furniture he calls “His Seat” in the living room. Once he gets there with a remote control, he begins to order things as if he is in a hotel room being served by waiters. What is so intellectual about this sad reality. This is what Shiku is saying should stop!
If you get home “drunk silly” make sure you have some sense left to smell where the food is. Learn to change toilet paper when it runs out, don’t begin to question why it has not been changed. Plates are normally taken back to the kitchen if you have to eat in the living room watching shit football. When you wake up last, spread the bed, its very simple. Kids do cry so don’t chase them away expecting someone to calm them down. My hair-do has to be changed often regardless of the budget, just like I have to change clothes for every occasion. Don’t compare me with women in the African village digging the soil because there is no soil to dig in Europe. I have to know where you are because you are my husband and i have to know when you are getting home so don’t say you are an African. You are in a relationship bastard.
I have hit some sense in my man’s head and he no longer asks me where his underwear, socks and what have you is located. African men must grow up and stop thinking that their women are their mothers who should know where everything is located in the house. Address the issues Shiku raised and stop being petty. You are behaving like real chipanzees! Sometimes I don’t want sex and that’s it. Don’t threaten me with another woman talk because I will just dump you and move on you goat. Can the men please smell the coffee. They make me want to puke here. Idiots!
For the men out there attacking Shiku, we have different biological bodies so raise the toilet seat up and when you flash your crooked pipe out, point it in the toilet. Don’t use it to “irrigate” the area because no plants grow in the area and, in any case, plants don’t feed on urine. If you spill, take a moper, don’t just walk away. Leave it clean as you found it. That is a basic rule.
When you shit, check and make sure there are no “shit scratches” left on the white surface below. If there is, take the toilet brush and lick the place clean because if you don’t, you will be in shit yourself.
Remember, you cannot just fat when you are in bed at night expecting that it smells like sweet perfume. It smells shit whatever you say.
By the way, I don’t know the names of football players in your crap European teams and I am not interested in any good moves by did you say maradona… so don’t engage me. I might be watching football but my mind may be hooked on that pair of shoes I need to buy. I may be giving you company to finish with the football shit so we talk about me using the family credit card tomorrow. You just sent some cash to your muthafaka using the credit card and I need to respond to that by buying stuff using the same card. that is democracy at work.
You can’t just leave in the evening because some stupid friend has called you for a beer. Tell him that you have a family and that your wife needs to be serviced tonight. That’s a convincing reason to stay home, take a warm shower, some tea and do me hard when the kids are asleep. This is what Shiku was saying so come down from the ivory tower and face reality.
Am happy and empowered enough in my marriage so won’t be bothered with any other thinking. I stand by what I wrote and won’t subscribe to reactions which resemble an episode on the Jerry Springer show.
Thanks Paulina for coming to Shiku’s rescue. It was like a male conspiracy to bring her down and you hit them well. You made my day.
Shiku is just too lame to defend what she wrote and has to be bailed out by one foul-mouthed Paulina. Where were the women before she came out barking? They were hidden and sweating, not even ready to defend Shiku’s mediocre article. The men have poured their sentiments and that is what counts. Shiku wrote trash and the rebuttal she got put her where she belongs.
The men should now be quiet as the rabid Paulina takes over with her ghetto language. Dadaye had to wait until the coast got clear with a rejoinder in praise of the rabid biatch, instead of contributing to Shiku’s article.
Well, Paulina, the men reacted within the context of Shiku’s letter and you have also interpreted it your way. Thanks to us, it’s a Man’s World and Y’all are stuck with us like it or not; dirty underwear, stinking feet, smelly crotches or not.
You don’t know the Swedish environment, just like the once paperless and bitter Shiku whose claims are based on her personal experience in a failed love affair in Stockholm. She writes with the pain of a jilted lover. She needs to get over it and write fairly without being biased against all African men. If the ex-lover was forcing her to do dishes or her own personal instinct based on her upbringing made her do so, then it is not a measure for all African men.
Men have cowered in the face of feminism and other movements that have been used by those who want to avoid looking at the consequences of their behavior. As for Shiku, “Being a victim has it’s perks and benefits. You become the “poor thing” that gets sympathy from lots of people, becoming the center of attention while doing nothing but complain and nag”.
We are aware that you still have a problem with your ex despite claiming last Summer that you have moved on. The one-sided nature of your letter says it all; you never singled out those African men who are responsible at home or doing their share of duties. No, you simply bundled them into one huge hole of losers.
If your life in Stockholm sucked and are now in a better situation, why don’t you write about that instead of approaching gender issues with such naivety?
Paulina, Sticks and Stones may hurt our Bones, but your bashing will never hurt us. If you think “Hen-pecking” is so damn effective, then you are in for a rumble. Go ahead, Trash away, it won’t do you any good. Men are the same today as we were 500,000 years ago. We is what we is and you are lucky to have us. Your Yap Trap woulda been the Serpent’s Dinner ages ago if it wasn’t for us men!
Paulina, You are some bottom-of-the-gene-pool Cave Babe who should Try playing Pen Pals with a Lion some time. But never fear. We Men are still on duty! If some freakin’ Recombinant-DNA Puma ever comes tromping through your living room, you will be mighty damn glad to have us around! Meanwhile, ask yourself why some hurricanes are named after women and why women have smaller feet than men.
The best force of change is not to raise hell but to write thoughtful letters, quote research, and add your own personal story if possible.
“When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.” Jonathan Swift
After a thorough scrutiny of Paulina’s contribution, I can conclude that the only new thing is her ghetto language. Otherwise she equally bundled up Afican men as if they are a unit. Any sensible reader will see that Shiku made that mistake and Maina Mwangi’s content analysis cited the weakness.
Male bashing on sharing domestic chores as a basic human right is not new. The initial comment with examples on how to approach men on this matter was quite mature. You can’t force them. The men who answered Shiku used the same fire power she applied on them without recognizing their differences in behavior, etc.
The silliest example of her weird friend Martin on why men “fear” educated women, is the worst I have ever come across. Shiku must be stuck in her own bubble thinking she is an expert on feminism. Her radical approach is extinct especially within the context of Sweden where as revealed in the comments, even Kenyan men take paternity leave to care for their children.
Bashing men without referring to Shiku’s letter will simply lead to wasted hours at KSB, yet there are more important things in life. Meanwhile Paulina, take a laxative; you are stuffed up.
While Shiku and Paulina the rabid bitch make noise that men should share in domestic chores, a study has suggested otherwise:
Women find domestic chores are ‘therapeutic’
There was a time when the modern woman insisted her partner did 50 per cent of the housework – or iron his own shirts at least. But the postmodern female has more than made peace with doing the domestic chores, and has embraced housework as “mentally therapeutic”, according to a survey.
In an age when women are making economic strides and excelling in the workplace, the one thing that gives the majority a sense of empowerment is a good go around the house with the vacuum cleaner – followed by some cleaning and dusting.
Where 20 years ago housework was seen by many as a sign of female subjugation, the tide appears to have turned. Nearly six out of 10 (58 per cent) defended their role in the home and said they “felt depressed if their house was a mess”, while 59 per cent said “untidiness and clutter made them feel tense”.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/women-find-domestic-chores-are-therapeutic-475422.html
Shiku has puked on the shoes of Kenyan men with a baseless article lacking evidence. More info is gradually pouring in to debunk her thinking, and below are some findings on what Kenyan men want in a woman.
A startling new survey has for the first time revealed the kind of woman the Kenyan man desires. Kenyan men prefer a woman who has the same level of education as they do, and expect to share domestic chores equally with them.
A significant proportion of men prefer a woman to have the same level of education as they do (45 per cent), but 20 per cent would like partners that have less education than they do. Only nine per cent are looking for women who have more education than they do. Twenty six per cent said it did not matter.
The power struggle in relationships does not, however, spill over into money as 70 per cent of the men polled would prefer a woman who makes financial decisions jointly with them. Only 17 per cent are comfortable making all the financial decisions on their own, against four per cent who would leave financial decision-making to the woman. A sizeable nine per cent said it did not matter.
http://www.skyscrapercity.com/archive/index.php/t-521607.html
Another example below by Shiku which does not take into account the many number of years which the gender discourse has undergone in the Western world. She does not know that many societies within this part still have huge gaps in attaining gender parity. To her, the Western world is a single unit, just like her branding of the African man in all gender differences.
For heavens sake, she should know that in the UK, household chores are still significantly done by women. Even caning children in school was normal in the UK until just a few years ago. Her article typifies a disturbed mind trying to measure up to an ideal life that she does not belong into. The US is even worse in balancing the burden of household chores between men and the women.
I quote her: “Check, for example, in developed countries, a man will fix a meal without feeling emasculated and the woman will bring home the bacon without mourning the days when men were the sole providers. They share all duties. Their men learnt about it from their fathers. They were practically taught that women are to be loved and respected”.
Shiku’s article would have touched the men if she had used examples of say, working couples vs. the unemployed ones, etc. Some of her terms like “all are breadwinners” lack meaning because in homes where a partner works and the other not, household chores are likely to be done by the stay-at-home person; male or female. Anyway, it is difficult to engage Shiku because her approach is very narrow; she cannot theorize.
I recommend that she reads the book titled: “Maid in the U.S.A.” By Mary Romero, to understand why societal and religious demands still bear heavily upon the woman in the case of USA. She focuses upon the plight of Mexican women.
Page 24: “One of the reasons that household chores have not shifted to other family members is because reproductive labor remains women’s priority. Employment is always treated as the second career, whereas homemaking and motherhood continue to be socially defined as the major and primary career in women’s lives. Consequently, many women feel guilty about their participation in the labor force and their choice not to be full-time homemakers”.
“Conservative groups and religious fundamentalists have resurrected the “cult of domesticity”, arguing that the sexual division of labor in the home is natural and established by God. Advocates of this view call for women to accept their roles as mother and wives and to find happiness and fulfillment accordingly”.
Shiku, all the above is happening in the USA – part of the Western world that you glorify – as a model for gender balance in domestic duties.
She should read the proposed solutions by the author. They are logical, structured and tolerable to the male reader. I have posted a link to the book’s review below. I hope it can help Shiku to understand the patriachal ideology which supports the continuous oppression of women.
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3687/is_199401/ai_n8728071/
Shiku,
KEEP THEM COMING!!!!!!!! YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT! YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT…..ALL THE WAY ANYTIME!
Randa above is another nomad known to have been attacking KSB in the past at another Blog. A typical one-liner with nothing to offer other than flowing with the current. The problem with such commentators is their shallow purview of a given topic.
The list of Outstanding Women in Kenya 2008 does not feature Shiku. Why? Because she is a non-achiever. Attacking men blindly will not get her there.
The list of Outstanding Women in Kenya 2008:
http://www.eastandard.net/InsidePage.php?id=1144002619&cid=300
I find it most vexing and difficult to understand why some Kenyans, I’m assuming the commentators are Kenyans, cannot argue their case without personal attacks. Shiku has written a thought provoking article and responses should naturally be on the issues she raises. Luseno does this quite admirably, but unfortunately the likes of “English lessons” and “Manpower” will have us wallowing in the the poverbial gutter covered in grime. Personal attacks only illuminate a petty and shallow personality in my book. My 2 cents….
The likes of English Lessons may be defined as NON-ACHIEVERS!! Such non-entities seem or tend to take the path of least resistance. Reading from what this culprit/subject has written, he/she strikes me as person who has low/poor self-esteem, poor self-image, depressed, wishing to return to the mainstream but feeling trapped in the way of life, guilty, helpless, hostile and misdirected. I have only listed a few!! English lesson for your information intelligence by itself doesn’t make you rational. Thinking rationally demands mental skills that the likes of YOU don’t have.
Ever heard of MY BUSINESS, MY LIFE!! And who ever told you that there is a problem with flowing with the current???!! That I’m a typical one-liner…Shallow purview…. And what is wrong with that – If I may ask??? NIPISHE! I would like to suggest to you that it takes courage to take that first step forward to seek help. Oh B4 I 4get DON’T DRAG ME TO THE GUTTERS WHERE YOU ARE! The blog I believe is there for readers to firstly read, comment – one liner or whatever, agree, and disagree, as they wish. If you have now become the JUDGE… then I’m sorry I’m not employing… look elsewhere! Then again can’t really help out much on that one… as you may well be aware ‘We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid and Stupidity has a knack of getting its way!
I pretty much said what I said here, just in characters or less per comment. Once again SHIKU… KEEP THEM COMING!!!
FOR YOUR INFORMATION: Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
Shiku should have considered some common Kenyan habits and contextual bindings before writing. Ironically, this topic is still controversial in the Western world which initiated contemporary feminism. I advice her to do more reading before making comparisons, because Africa and the Western world are still worlds apart.
Some commentators have referred to studies and reports which dispute Shiku’s generalizations, which is good because the art of exchanging knowledge is to counter with evidence.
Randa oh randa. Great you have had the chance to go beyond your one-liner. This confirms that you are the same character who shares a shrink with me.
Meanwhile Muigai, comments are allowed from nincompoops and loonies alike.
“English lessons” or should I call you Neandertal, civility is a notion that should require no reminders nor be a struggle to maintain. It is most interesting however to see the adjectives you choose to describe your personality, undoubtedly amusing in some quarters, but reveals a state of psychosis that if not promptly addressed will be to your detriment. Sadly judging from your insolence in regard to veracity, your frivolous disposition is most certainly deep-rooted and calloused by resentment towards modern women that display positive character traits previously exclusively attributed to men in a bygone age.
Randa: Zidi kuranda randa. In addition to entertaining readers, KSB allows all and sundry to vent their stress. Sinking to my “likes” means exhibiting the same characteristics you abhor. Wise people say never blend with the dregs of society, whether in cyberspace or real life, lest you be likened to them. Interestingly, my online experiment is working. You are a good case for observation.
“English Lessons” – You have to stop worrying about looking foolish, ’cause fear of being humiliated really limits you. Kweli you are bored!! The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you make a fool of Yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but the both of you will make a HANDSOME pair…!YOU really have a problem with yourself but cant blame you, must be your background! Well that’s not problem of mine, so like I said it takes courage to take the first step… which you have clearly spread on the blog.. bravo.. – We all know that you are a mental case… so instead of you wasting time on the net… dial the numbers or sit back at your dark corner and while @it SHOVE IT!! Just a quick question—DO YOU SUFFER FROM BRAIN-FREEZE?? DONT 4GET 2 BUY A DOG…
OH I ALMOST 4GOT.. SHIKU.. KEEP THEM COMING!!!!
I do think Shiku’s intention was to start a debate about an interesting subject and not everything should be taken seriously. The ones hurt are probably those who were hit by it. (DUH). We have seen many different reactions to it and I enjoy reading it. There are someone who enjoys being a housewife and there is someone who thinks men and women are biologically different to perform different tasks in life. To thee I say, let’s not put girls in school, just let them learn how to do housework and take ten steps back in development. (I was ironic, to those who did not get that)
Any advanced country, both men and women work, take care of kids, housework and so on. They both work and have high positions- in countries as Afghanistan where girls are not allowed to go to school they live as they did 500 years ago in Sweden!
Continue writing and please attack me, you people have so many destructive opinions. I thought this site was created to unite, not to split!
“English Lessons”.. You have obviously been jabbed by Randa! She has proved you to be insane, ignorant and foolish beyond belief. She has tried to speak your language, dumbed you down, engaged on your idiotic level as you try to look very intelligent but it seems you have turned out to be the human experiment forward. As you may have already sensed now, she has dragged you into an intellectual “quick-sand” It’s all about the bogus catchphrases and the emotional punches-to-the-gut. The absolute best way to speak to complete idiots of your type is, of course, not to speak to them at all. That is to say Randa has worked around YOU, and disregarded the rants and the spittle that YOU seem to be made of! You are not trying to advance any sort of intellectual topic, because there is no debate taking place. You have simply bypassed the giant pothole of ignorance entirely.
“English Lessons”Like Randa put it…… I NEED NOT REPEAT!! YOU CAN READ CANT YOU??????? DARK CORNER… NENDA HUKO COAKROACH!!
Randa, easily the finest and most successful approach of all but it also remains the most difficult to pull off. The absolute best way to speak to complete idiots is, of course, not to speak to them at all. Realize that you cannot change IDIOTS . Dealing with this common human condition is unavoidable, but some ways of dealing with it are better than others.
Mary, thanks for the support and advice. I rest my case…. I will let sleeping dogs lie…
Randa, Magnolia and Mary, keep exhibiting your hatred and twisted minds. You are my fodder and am loving it. My experiment is working well, so bring it on.
English Lessons.. bought a dog yet? That is what is going to save you…. Remember bark bark bark!!
English Lessons.. Two Words … !! BRAIN-FREEZE..
English Lessons… the heart of a fool is in his mouth..
More “Partners” have joined the fray which is good. An experimental-induced provocation on emotions and aggression is being applied to observe Randa, Magnolia, Mary and Kinuthia. The purpose is to trigger aggressive behavior and subjective emotions.
A Point Subtraction Aggression Paradigm is being used on the three characters to see how each is responding to an initial provocation on Randa. An immediate outcome is the roping in of co-sympathizers who repeat the same words from Randa, thus prolonging the levels of individual aggression. These reactions are similar to those observed in my lab rats. These are good guinea-pigs, giving me superb material for work.
“On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog”.
Janeko in the house, yawa! “English lessons” wacha upuzi. You aren’t impressing anyone with your ujinga, especially using those “big” English words and phrases that meant absolutly nothing.
By the way I know who you are,despite your pen name on KSB, and how you pretend civility when in public with a fake smile plastered on your face. Cease your foolish attacks or I’ll name and shame you!
You hit the nail of the head Mimi_Nani… English Lessons is a mental case.. Btw did you see him at the reception @Scandic… kameisha…. with those cheap suits that he purchased when he first landed in Stocki.. … The fellow needs a makeover.. In actual fact I thought his scalp was full of dandruff but on looking closely.. aaaaaaaaah… ni nywele zake ziko moja moja na mvi tele….. msenge huyu jamaa.
KSB: Can u guys just try to declare a cease-fire? Looks like you guys know each other so why not talk it over? KSB is trying to promote peace but you guys appear to be on the war-path.
Mimi Nani and your ilk. Since you have a very ripe imagination, go ahead and name me. However, if you don’t use the right name, KSB has the legal obligation of releasing your IP address to the Swedish authorities on behalf of that person, in case of redress for libel. Shiku’s issue attracted all forms of thoughts and that is what it’s all about.
Being on the blog allows one to act like Kierkegaard by posting agreeable and disagreeable stuff. Randa’s social behavior is well-known, so if it’s a matter of going stark-naked, then the murkier the better. All can be unleashed in a jiffy. However, I don’t have the time for that because I respect people’s lives offline.
The most interesting observation I have made from Randa to you, is how you mistake my Gender Identity and possibly, tribe. You all don’t know the depths of my thinking and objective in this, and that’s the amusing part of the game. Meanwhile, keep adding me information. My experiment is working well.
“On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog”.
KSB: Please, calm down you guys. These exchanges are not promoting the original Shiku thread but degenerating into a personal exchange. Naming names will not help anybody because no name will be published here.
xxxx
KSB: Yr posting cannot be approved because of unacceptable content. This thread has been closed.
Ndugu Osewe, Am a Ugandan following stories on your blog every time and I thank you for providing Africans with such a platform for lively discussions.
Shiku’s article is wonderful and worthy for us in many ways. Surely, our African culture is dynamic and cannot be static. We must support our females in their household duties. It is therefore sad that such a topic has been clouded by personal attacks from people with handles like English lessons, Randa, Magnolia, and the rest who have been having exchanges outside this topic.
May I request you Osewe, to plead with these characters to stay within the topic. It seems they don’t respect your position as a moderator and keep threatening to call names and bring in other matters which add nothing here. The counter aggression shown does not favor those who initially began by expressing themselves as women who supported this article. They are just continuing after you asked them to stop.
Please, we are all Africans wishing for a good life of unity in Europe so kindly all of you, stop these personal attacks. Osewe, please don’t accept such things which will spoil the good reputation of your blog.
KSB: I warned when the comments were opened so there is no surprise here. All comments containing abuses will be blocked and, if need be, threads will, in future, be closed. There must be some sanity. Thanks for your comments.
Shiku,look like guys really like your stuff. For an article to generate over 40 comments, it means you have kept people busy in all ways. It is winter, and guys are idle and caged in the house.I love your articles and I will always be your fun.
For the guys who were hard hit by the article,and rushed for a loud speaker,bows`and arrows ,tried personal attacks and failed,I just wonna tell you one thing- everything change by time.
Hey Sheila,
I support!
Its all about chasing shadows.
By that I mean latching on to this or that latest, most innovative idea that some self styled money making guru has put out in the hope it’ll go viral and make them a lot of money off the backs of all the headless chickens who will follow them blindly down a blind alley. Its a shame but a truism nonetheless that people will follow where someone they see as an expert leads. Even if they lead them to certain disaster, which is what most of the gurus tend to do to their flocks.
The trick is to recognize a shadow when you see it!