Ex-Girlfriend: “Masumbuko Played with my Emotions”
Translated from Swedish and edited by Okoth Osewe:
I still don’t believe that the person you call John Masumbuko (because that is not his real name) could do this to me. After fooling around with me for about one year, he has messed my life and then gone public with information about myself and what he did to me without considering how heartbroken I am. Since he is trying to communicate through this blog, I will do the same to tell my side of the story and to expose him.
Ex Swedish GF says Masumbuko is a player who manipulated her romantic emotions, destroyed her life and went to celebrate in public after leaving her pregnant
Masumbuko is a bad person who should not be given any attention whatsoever. He is a constant liar and I am very unhappy with myself for having been fooled for too long and having been too naive. However, I don’t regret anything because I fell in love with someone I thought was responsible and truthful. I am carrying his baby but now, I don’t care what happens to him because he is not even fit to be a father.
At 28, he told me that he has never fallen in “real love” before (even though he said he had met two girls) and that I was the first girl who had melted his heart with “true love”. Obviously, I didn’t believe him but he started doing some things which slowly brought me along. I have met boys and I know all these games about “babie I love you”, “you are so beautiful” and so on therefore I wasn’t going to fall for this cheap crap. There is something however that was different with Masumbuko.
He was black and I was curious because I have never been with a black guy before. This curiosity is common among white girls and my friends were really jealous when I fixed him. He is a very handsome guy and any girl can fall for him at first sight. He is stylish and well polished, something I liked so much about him. I was always comfortable with him anywhere we went. Most importantly, he is very good in bed. I had never gone through that kind of experience before and this too, hooked me up.
He brought to me another level of sexual experience that has never been known to me. Although I now hate him, I am not ashamed of giving him credit where necessary because this was the situation. These combinations came with promises that he would never leave me and that he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. I had fallen in love before but I can say that he treated me differently.
Everything he did told me that he was “Mr. Right”. I got him a cleaning job through my uncle who runs a cleaning company and this made it possible for him to open a bank account. To thank me, he gave me his Visa card, saying that he trusted me 100% with his money. We would sit down and budget his pay and mine together and all seemed very fine. He gave the impression of a very open person. That was after he insisted that we could never play sex until we went for an HIV test because he wanted to be sure that he was not getting involved with an infected person. We both tested negative and that day, we had sex the whole night. He later told me that he hoped I wasn’t interested in him because of sex and I felt guilty because of my curiosity.
Soon after we started dating on a regular basis, he surprised me when one day, he went down on his knees in my flat and prayed to God for having blessed him by giving him such a beautiful and wonderful woman like me. He said that it was God who had arranged his trip to Sweden because God had a plan for both of us. He moved in soon after to live with me.
He said that he has been longing to have a girl exactly like me and urged God not to allow anybody to bring any barrier between us. I don’t believe in religion but I liked the prayers because it was me who was being prayed for under intimate circumstances. He is not religious either and sometimes I failed to understand why he would suddenly start praying for very small things.
He would, for example, pray for God for having kept us alive and safe during the day so that we would be together after he came from work. When I expressed surprise, he would tell me about the millions of people who had died that day, giving examples of Iraq, Palestine, Afghanistan etc. He would say that even in Sweden, people were dying and point out to everyday murders reported in the media to prove that anybody could die and that it is God who had kept us safe. There was no reason to argue with him because these prayers were harmless.
He was doing this when he knew he was married and when he knew he had a child he had abandoned in Kenya. I was very foolish to have believed him although I now think that I became “easy going” because while he knew what he wanted, I was completely unaware about his intentions.
As a human being, he has been very good. He is a very quiet person and talks very slowly. At home, he has been helping me with almost everything. He does the dishes, works the laundry, goes shopping, vacuum cleans the house every week, cooks food while he is very good in fixing the computer when it breaks down. I didn’t have to call friends to help me anymore. He has been very kind to me and he brought me up in the relationship to a level where I believed almost everything he said. What I didn’t know is that it was all games being played out with my emotions. This is what makes me very bitter.
I rarely told him that I needed something in the night because he would go out and fetch it if it was possible. One night at 11 O’clock, I told him that I was feeling like a Coca Cola and he took the night train and came back with a can of Cola an hour later because he loved me so much. This was Masumbuko, the player and it has taken a break-up for me to understand that he was playing with me.
Masumbuko’s “Second Prayer Answered”
He cheated me that he was a student at Stockholm University when he was actually a refugee. When I discovered his refugee card issued by Swedish Immigration authorities and confronted him, we talked about it and sorted the matter out. I forgave him and he promised to be truthful. I believed him when he produced some papers to show that he was a member of a human rights organization whose members were being killed by Kenyan secret police. He said that he cheated me that he was a student because he wanted to be sure that I don’t work for Swedish secret police who may have been trying to spy on him in order to dismiss his application. For him, it was just a matter of time before he told me about his refugee problems and that my discovery was slightly ahead of time.
After he convinced me that he was a student and I believed him, he worked his way and knew some university students. He took me to student parties and behaved as though he was part of the student community. That was before he moved in. When I recently asked some of his student friends what he studies, they said Masumbuko told them that he studies Economics although they did not bother to ask for any proof because what they wanted was his company.
On many occasions when I requested him that we meet other Kenyans so that I could get to know his Kenyan friends, he told me that he doesn’t know many Kenyans in Stockholm. One day in a pub, a guy came in who happened to know him and they spoke a language which I didn’t understand. The guy had a cup with a Kenyan flag on it so I could see that he was from Kenya. It’s him who taught me how the Kenyan flag looks like because I didn’t know. But when I later asked him who the guy was, he said that the guy is a thief who could duplicate my house keys without my knowledge, track me down and steal my things when I am at work. He warned me not to talk to the guy if I met him because he was a very good sweet talker. I believed him.
I was again surprised when we met another Kenyan at a reggae club (Mama Africa) and when I asked him about the guy, he said that the guy is a criminal who has been dealing in drugs and that he has been in prison four times. I never used to attend reggae clubs but he introduced me to it and it was good because the sight of other inter-racial couples at the club made me feel at ease.
Masumbuko warned me that the police follow the Kenyan guy everyday and that they note all his contacts so I should avoid him. He said that the guy was at the club to sell drugs and that he had been taught the habit by other drug peddlers. He gave me the impression that Kenyans are not good people otherwise how comes the only ones we met were bad boys? Now, I am questioning everything he ever told me.
Then, he told me about his brother he was educating in Kenya because his father had died in a road accident. He has been sending money to Kenya constantly and I have been very supportive. Recently, I discovered that the money he sends is to maintain his wife and child in Kenya, not for some school fees he talked about. I was devastated and felt used and stepped on like a door mat.
When I read the article at KSB, I got my shock. That his father is not dead and that all the good emails where his relatives talk good about me were written by him and sent through fake emails. He is not ashamed to tell the world how he fooled me. This is very cruel and I don’t understand how someone can do such a thing and then be happy to tell people about it. I don’t want to say that Africans are bad people because Swedish people also do bad things. But this is a very bad example of Kenyan people.
Then he told me that some times, he gets very worried that I would leave him. He drove me to tears by promising that he would commit suicide if I ever quit the relationship. We locked up our small fingers together and he gave me what he called a “forever kiss”. I couldn’t stand the thought of him killing himself and the thinking that he could kill himself because of me made me sick and worried some times. He kept on trying to persuade me to give him a guarantee that I would never break up the relationship. I did not know what to say so I asked him what he wanted. He delayed with the answer for almost a week and when I asked him why, he said that he was afraid he would shock me.
That was after we came from the immigration for questioning about our marriage. Eventually, he said that he wanted me to give him a baby as evidence that we were forever bound. I didn’t think much about it because I was myself “head over heels” in love and we had just become married so I accepted. I stopped using pills and shortly, I became pregnant. I joked with him that in Sweden, when a woman is pregnant, the man is supposed to wash her feet and he did it every day although the pregnancy was just a few weeks old. It was fun.
The day I broke the news that I was pregnant, he played it so well that we both cried with joy. He introduced a new Swahili word to the pregnancy (umebamba) which he used almost on a daily basis. On the prayer front, “God had answered his second major prayer” in the relationship. We went and borrowed a big bible from the Library at Sveavägen and put our hands on it as he prayed for 30 minutes for God to give us a happy future together. The only thing that kept convincing me that he was not a religious fanatic is his habit of drinking whisky. I now feel very stupid, foolish and simple minded. He took control of my emotions to play with them. It hurts to say the least.
I am very saddened that the baby thing was just another game. My parents are not racists. They don’t agree with the policy of open immigration and it is not true that when we visited my parents, my mother refused to shake Masumbuko’s hands. He is looking for sympathy and support. Masumbuko has destroyed my life and I am very sad that someone could do this and then tell the world about it.
Lotta Karlsson
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I feel with you lotta…some people are just to cruel, but sooner or later this guy will get what he deserve.
Give all your love to your baby and move on…..it was definetly a painful experience…learn out of it and move on for a good future for you and your kid (without a liar like this stupid ****).
This is a sad story and i think the african brother was a total mess. I would like LOtta to understand that not all Africans are cruel like that. I wish you best of luck with your coming baby. Call him or her umebamba…:) just kidding
oops!so moving so emotional so sad.Sound like people can do anything for papers.Even joking with their own creator.Masumbuko,you could have played your cards without playing with God.That was number one mistake.
Question,how would your heart feel if someone ever play with your emotions that way? good? NO.Treat others ,they were you would like to be treated
lotta,the earlier the better.Move on.Just keep moving and more importantly trust more in yourself.Channel the love you gave him back to yourself and your baby.
Not all Kenyans dudes are bad though.There some nice ones especially the `papered’ ones.
Airing other people’s dirty linen in the public never solve anything but promotes more bitterness, resentment, hatred and enmity. While it is the right of everyone to enjoy freedom of speech and expression, this freedom also has responsibility attached to it. The question is, where is the responsibility when we simply promote war and enmity amongst each other in the name of “exercising our freedom”? Or to rephrase the question, what is the objective/ aims/ goals/ or sanity in publishing this article? This is the same thing our leaders do in Africa and is causing war among ethnic groups. How different are we from those who gave orders for Mungiki slaughter’s in Naivasha, Kalenjin warriors killing’s in Eldoret, Iraq’s invation, Israel’s massacre of Palestinians in Gaza, Jews’ holocaust? We dream, think, breath and eat war! Is that what we’ve reduced ourselves to? That’s why we will never grow. War is costly and no one is a winner!
Publishing this kind of article by someone who calls him/herself a parent, shows how one does not give a second thought about children or even the unborn child in this particular situation. The unborn child is already condemned and subjected to ridicule for the rest of its life. Given that the life expectancy here is about 80yrs, who amongst us would like to trade places with this unborn child? If And who would like their child to be subjected to that kind of cruelty? 80 year of torture and ridicule as a result of “freedom of expression”. I think this is the highest order barbarism, brutality, coarseness, coldness and savageness that one can be. It is a clear indication that the person rational is so impaired that (s)he is nothing but a beast.
Think of the other side. If this story never appeared or the beast who got it here was a person, the anger between the couples would had healed with time and the unborn baby would have had an opportunity of having loving parents, who can sit together and agree irrespective of the fact that they are not leaving under the same roof! Many children in this society experience that or get that opportunity. What about this one? Let no child be left behind! Let’s breed love rather than barbarism. Let’s construct bridges rather than burn the few decks left. Let’s create a better tomorrow for the future generation. If your parents tortured you during your childhood, make every effort to stop the vicious circle of torture to children and the family institution as a whole.
Herbie, you seem to be overreacting while at the same time turning a blind eye to daily and multiple news reports with “Masumbuko-like connotations”, probably because such reports could negate your key argument.
There is no dirty linen being washed in public unless you can be more specific. The reading pubic is constantly treated to high drama linked to bitter and, sometimes, acrimonious separations of couples and the Masumbuko case is not only tiny but a drop in the ocean. A few examples to illustrate this point will suffice.
We read about alleged sexual excursions of Winnie Mandela before she divorced, the complex case of Princess Dianna, Bill Clinton and Monica and even Göran Person (former Swedish PM) who split with his wife together with the case of Carl Bildt (former Swedish PM) who also split up when the relationship hit the rocks.
Apart from the concept of freedom of expression, which you so much condemn because of its purported “abuse” at KSB by the likes of Masumbuko and his ex, people also need to ventilate after they have undergone through horrible experiences.
The deficiency in your point of view is that you do not realize that this kind of ventilation is also part of the “healing process” which you claim, should be given room. My view is that both Masumbuko and his ex have a right to ventilate at KSB. In any case, what they are revealing are not out of the ordinary. Masumbuko was the first to rush to KSB and I believe that his ex was right in doing the same to get her side of the story out because the tale was too one sided.
Apart from freedom of expression, people also have what is called “freedom of choice” so if the people involved have chosen to come to KSB to ventilate, no earthly being has any moral authority to question the expression of this freedom here unless they are infringing on other people’s freedoms.
In the case of Masumbuko and his ex, they came here with shielded identities and this is the maximum “responsibility” which could have been expected from them especially when looked at from the point of view of the unborn child whose integrity needs to be protected as you rightfully say.
When Shiku came here with her identity, it was her choice and when she voluntarily gave us her story, she was expressing her freedom of expression, ventilating after a painful experience and celebrating her success after going through difficult times. How does this amount to “washing dirty linen in public”?
However, Shiku made sure that she shielded the identity of her ex as required by Swedish law under whose jurisdiction KSB falls. I wish to argue that what is happening at KSB is healthy and acceptable. In case you have a personal connection to the victims, you should not try to distort logic because of sympathy and a sense of protection. KSB is a major source of news, information and entertainment so the best you can do is to live and let live.
You are citing cases of Palestine, Iraq, Israel etc to put your point and to argue that there is no difference between Masumbuko, his ex and the forces responsible for negative events in the middle East. This is yet another example of warped reasoning because the issue you are addressing is a “human interest” issue while the examples you are giving to back up your arguments are deeply political. Your strategy is to try and employ the use of “misplaced parallelism” to gain the moral high ground in the situation but some spectacles can see through this.
People do not heal by hiding the negative aspects of life in the closet. This is why in Kenya, there has been calls for a “Truth Commission” to address past human rights violations and other excesses of past dictatorships especially that of Moi. From your reasoning, if the truth were to be told as part of the national healing, it would probably amount to the country “washing its dirty linen before the International public”. You need to look at the matter at hand from an expanded perspective that excludes the “moralizing innuendos” embedded in your message because we are in the “Blog age”.
To “open your eyes” a bit, let us go back to the mainstream ephemeral media in Kenya for a minute and draw more relevant parallels. In Kenya, media laws allows for the naming of suspects in any crime case before the courts. In the process, subjects of rape, murder, matrimonial disagreements, divorce cases and other crimes are readily named. Does this amount to washing dirty linen of Kenyans in public?
We know that father Kizito has been accused of sodomizing young boys while we also know that former MP, Gor Sunguh, beat his wife unconscious because these events were reported in the media. From your argument above, these kinds of stories amount to “washing dirty linen in public”, an argument that does not wash to say the least.
KSB is a blog but also a Media in its own small way. What happens here happens every day across the world. If you want to continue with this debate, I could give several examples in the local and international media to argue that details already poured out in the Masumbuko case are nothing compared to other known cases. Let people express themselves while at the same time leaving them to chose where they want to assert such expressions. To try and theorize on what should and what should not be published at KSB using distorted logic is not only unfortunate but also uncalled for.
@Mwangi,
There are a few points I agree with you but if you do further analysis, you’ll understand that you reasoning is not conclusive. Political, Economic and social institutions are set up out of human interest. Therefore there cannot be any political, economic or social issue that has no human interest element attached to it.
Secondly, the fact that others have made mistakes and the “freedom of speech” has brought them to limelight does not necessarily mean that people has changed as a result of them. If that was the case, members of the republican’s party would not be having the same issues today. Did you ever find out the implications that these publications had on the individuals and their families?
Thirdly, you are right by saying that what goes to court is a public domain issue even though it is not 100% all until court decision has been made and published and someone who steps in the law courts to seek for remedies understand this well. But if want an intellectual debate on this with references on papers published, we can have it out of this forum.
Finally, that child is unique and not a replica of any other human being. It deserves respect, care and all the love it can be accorded. I don’t believe this kind of “freedom of speech” will accord it that. Again, am willing to discuss this intellectually with research publication made outside this blog. You are free to email me anytime.
Let’s preach peace not war and division.
Shame on you Masumbuko why are you tarnishing the beautiful name of Kenyans, We are not thives and drugs peddlers. You were afraid that someone one day will expose you that you do have a wife and child back home in Kenya but siku za mziwi ni arubaini (days of a thife are 40 days). You are one big liar and why did u knock her up knowing that you wont spend the rest of your life together where are ur morals. Stop pretending that you are saved like other kenyans are and in fact they are married and yet they chase small girls or married Man. Lotta big strong and i wish you all da best with ur unborn child i know how it feels when someone break ur heart went thru the same propose and the person was deported.
HAAAALÅ! Im standing here proud with a swedish/kenyan child whos father cant even spell “equitable” a true pig who hurt us! But hey unlike u “Lotta” I don´t go judjing every swede! PLZ love hurts sometimes! deal with it n take care of this child.
J J J joyce is the name consciousness is now the game
I dont appreciate KSB erasing thoughts and comments that I´ve posted! You should call yourselves KGB instead KSB then!
KSB: Joyce, I think the only comment you sent was posted with some editing, not erased. If you abuse people, you don’t expect everything to go in. You just called your ex “a pig” and it was published. How will you feel if someone calls you “a bitch” at KSB or a “fucking little idiot who thinks with her Azz-abaijan”? We have a responsibility to protect people’s reputations. Foul language will always be edited otherwise don’t post at KSB.
Hi Lotta.
I feel for you, im very sorry for this asshole u had 2 meet. He went great lengths to fool you and this proves he is a very wicked and selfish person. I advise you to do everything you can to mess up his paper. The worst thing in life is regretting..ONE DAY HE WILL LIVE TO REGRET.
The child you are carrying is a gift from God, you will become stronger as a mother and you qill overcome what he did to you. He tells the public openly what he did to you..so that means he doesnt care about his unborn child, since he has given you all the mwans to tell the story to him/her.
Your life isnt destroyed, stay strong. Don’t feel stupid..he was very manipulative. NOT ALL KENYANS ARE CAPABLE OF DOING ALL OF THIS FOR PAPERS!
I fully support joyce that sometimes KSB has mapendeleo.I posted a comment last month which was not published because the person in question is a very close friend to KSB owner.You say you have responsibility to protect peoples reputations but many will agree with me that u practise favourism especially when its about your buddy´S.Some people will be abused in your blog but you fail to edit and post all the matusis.Hayo yote tunanjua, kwa hivo dont even go there.
KSB: Mapendeleo, you are confusing two things. Joyce’s comment was published but it had to be edited to remove the abuses. Your comment was not published because you called someone by name while you used nasty words like “kuma ya mama yake” (her mother’s pussy), matako kama punda (ass like a donkey) while you also named some Kenyan women this guy has allegedly been fucking (when he is married) and so fourth. You named one woman and said she is a known “malaya” (prostitute) infected with aids after she started fucking around with jungus (while looking for papers) without condoms. I am not afraid of “getting there” by the way. The question is whether you have the balls to carry your own fucking cross to everlasting fire in the Kingdom of hell, fire which will roast your shit ass for ever-living Satan in a dungeon as per the Satanic Verses if you ask rush&die.
After intensive editing, the comment did not make a fucking sense and that’s why it was trashed. By the time you posted your comment, the degree of editing at KSB had increased and some matusi which used to pass when the comment section was opened could no longer go through especially when you were referring to some well-known Kenyans by their real names. If you can identify yourself and put your real name on the comment, I will post it so that readers can understand why it was not published. You will then be able to take direct responsibility for the consequences. Your comment is still on file so back to you or keep the peace until Jesus Karast comes back on earth to save you from your dirty sins Aimen.
i am a kenyan girl and i leave in eastern europe,i went through the same thing end of last year and some part of this year.It was a very painfull ordeal especially being far from home.You have to be strong for yourself and you child to come.I did not agree with a statement you said,you cant not base you analysis for kenyans on one bad stupid idiot,yes we are ashamed but we are not like that.I think men are dogs whether white asian or blacks.I am sorry you have to go throug this but sometimes we have to go through hardship before seeing the rainbow,my e was white we was the love of my life but he screwed me up.But you know what you are better than all this and you will emerge victorious.